


An Education: Yaz

by mag_lex



Series: An Education - Yaz x Jo AU [1]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, alternative universe, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-01-06 19:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 43,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18394895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mag_lex/pseuds/mag_lex
Summary: On paper, Yasmin Khan had it all. A stable job, a loving partner, and she was even saving up for a mortgage. But another voice, one that persisted despite all of these landmark achievements, niggled at her subconscious. What if she was meant to be doing something different with her life?AU in which schoolteacher Yaz meets a captivating blonde woman who turns her whole life upside down.





	1. A first day

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys are ready for this...hell, I hope I'm ready for it! I'm trying to take my time with this one, for once in my life, and I have the plot outlined so there shouldn't be too long between chapters (I'm aiming for one a week) - but I sincerely hope this will be a nice, slow burn ;) We have many months to fill until we see these two again, so I plan to fill the next month with this at the very least. NB the rating will more than likely change as we go, but I don't want to get your hopes up before we get to the good stuff...
> 
> PS please let me know if any British-isms need explaining! I'll do my best to explain as I go.  
> PE = physical education (but you probably already knew that...)
> 
> You can find me on twitter (@mag_lex) or Tumblr (maglex)

_September_

\----------

The sound of the alarm was an unwelcome one in the early morning quiet. After a few seconds of unattended noise, an arm shot out from beneath the duvet, weaving in the air blindly as it tried to find the snooze button. Finally, it succeeded, stopping the racket for a glorious ten more minutes. Mission accomplished, the arm returned back to the warmth of the covers as its owner yawned herself awake.

After several weeks off for the summer holidays, Yasmin Khan had known for a while that this day was coming. Still, that fact didn't make it any easier. She loved her job, she really did, but the first day of school was always draining. Ignoring the pressing need to get up and get ready, Yaz instead rolled over and moulded herself to the bed's other occupant. Her eyes blearily took in shoulder-length hair as her arm wrapped around a slender waist, bare skin touching bare skin. They were both warm with sleep, despite the open window letting in the cool morning air. The birds were awake, welcoming in the new day, and Yaz wished she shared their enthusiasm.

“Is it really six already?”

The voice was quiet, half-awake. Yaz felt bad for waking her bedmate up.

“Sorry. Yeah, that came around fast.” She breathed in the comforting scent of her girlfriend, absorbing as much warmth as she could to see her though the day as she let her eyes close again.

“I'll see you for dinner, though?” They had made plans to celebrate Yaz surviving her first day of term by going for dinner at their local curry house. It was tradition, or at least it had been for the past couple of years.

The body in her arms turned and Yaz opened her eyes to see hazel ones regarding her in the early morning light. They were eyes she often found herself drawn to, as warm as the person they belonged to and just as loving. Yaz brought her hand up to play with the ends of her girlfriend's brown hair, sighing happily when Kate left a kiss on her cheek.

“Dinner. It's a plan.” Kate yawned, stretching out her sleep-tired muscles. The feel of her body so close was hard to resist, and Yaz knew she had to get out of bed or she'd start something that really would make her late for work.

“Go back to sleep, babe, it's early,” Yaz murmured, kissing her on the cheek as she carefully slid out of bed and padded over to the bathroom. Yaz cast a look back over her shoulder to see the other woman spread out across the bed, grabbing hold of her pillow.

“Miss you already,” Kate said, raising an eyebrow as she watched her naked girlfriend start her morning routine. “You sure you don't have a bit more time?”

“Don't tempt me,” Yaz replied, blowing her a kiss as she shut the bathroom door behind her. Bracing herself, she flicked on the light, wincing as it instantly lit up her face in the mirror. She stared at her reflection and allowed herself a moment of introspection.

_Another year._

Yaz had turned 27 earlier that summer, and although she knew she wasn't old – not by a long shot – she couldn't help but feel that something was passing her by. On paper, Yasmin Khan had it all. A stable job, a loving partner, and she was even saving up for a mortgage. But another voice, one that persisted despite all of these landmark achievements, niggled at her subconscious. What if she was meant to be doing something different with her life? Yaz had never travelled, for instance, or considered a career other than teaching. It often felt like external forces had guided her down this path; forces outside her control, usually with her best interests at heart. But sometimes, she wondered if this truly was her fate. _Is this what fate has planned for me? To work, get married, retire?_

Yaz shook her head. These thoughts were far too heavy for this time of day, and she found that big days such as these often brought this kind of thinking to the fore. Yaz knew what she wanted, and she was happy. She ran the tap, putting toothpaste on her toothbrush, and tried to clear her mind as she brushed her teeth. Mid-way through, she was jolted out of her reverie by a gentle knock at the bathroom door.

“Yaz?”

“Mm,” she mumbled around the toothbrush, opening the door. Kate poked her head in.

“If I give you a lift to work, that means you have a bit more time...right?”

Yaz withdrew her toothbrush, rinsing her mouth out. She smiled.

“Is that an offer?”

Kate nodded eagerly, pushing the door open properly and grabbing hold of Yaz's free hand. The toothbrush clattered into the sink, forgotten, as Yaz was tugged back to bed, laughing as she fell back into the covers and Kate's arms.

\----------

Yaz still ran late, despite the lift. She gave Kate a swift kiss on the cheek as she opened the car's passenger door, wary of the schoolkids that were milling about. Although she knew that most of them were aware of her sexuality, it wasn't something she wanted to publicise – especially not right outside the school gates. She waved Kate off and hitched her backpack onto her shoulder, finally biting the bullet and accepting that work had well and truly started. First day nerves fluttered to life in her stomach.

“Yaz! Over here!”

Yaz whipped her head towards the familiar voice, beaming as she saw none other than Ryan Sinclair leaning against the school gates. Although he was the same age as her, he often acted a lot younger, which seemed to garner him a lot more street cred than Yaz would ever get. She laughed as she watched him fist-bump a boy on his way in.

“You really are too cool for school, Ryan,” she said, accepting a hug from her friend.

“What can I say, the kids love me.” He grinned at her, the smile that Yaz knew many of the older female pupils adored him for. If Yaz had been that way inclined she may have even felt that way herself but as things stood, they were just good mates. Both of them taught PE, which meant their timetables often synced up and they could share their breaks together. That, and they had gone to school together back in the day, resulting in a friendship that spanned several years. It was slightly odd to teach with someone you had been taught alongside, but Yaz thought it made their connection even stronger.

“How was the commute?” Ryan asked, nodding in the direction of Kate's departing car. “No bike this morning?”

“Flat tyre,” Yaz lied, and Ryan saw straight through her.

“Not like you, Miss Khan. What happened to being prepared?”

Yaz had a reputation for being punctual, and students didn't dare risk being late to her classes. Excuses didn't fly with her, either, and Yaz knew she was being a hypocrite, but she knew precisely what Ryan was trying to do.

“Just one of those mornings,” she said, refusing to divulge any details. “Besides, a lady never tells.”

Ryan dropped the subject gracefully.

“How was your summer?” he asked, pushing off from the gate and walking with Yaz towards the staff room. They were surrounded by children talking and laughing as they caught up with their friends after the long break. Yaz supposed she and Ryan were doing much the same.

“Glorious,” Yaz said, already missing the holiday. Truth be told, she had found herself slightly bored with so much free time. Kate had been working shifts at the hospital so they had managed to snag some free time together, but the instances were few and far between; being a junior doctor meant that her girlfriend often ended up pulling several shifts back to back. So Yaz had filled it as best she could, meeting up with friends whenever possible. Kate had even surprised her with a long weekend in Paris, and Yaz mentally rolled her eyes when she remembered her dad finding out, thinking that a proposal was on the cards.

“I saw your photos from Paris on Instagram,” said Ryan, as if reading her mind. “Looked nice.”

“Yeah, it was lovely,” Yaz conceded. “Nice to see something new.”

“But?”

Yaz cursed him for reading her so well.

“Touristy.” She grimaced, realising what a weak answer that was. She was being oddly negative, and made a conscious effort to remedy her attitude, trying to push that nebulous dissatisfaction to the back of her mind again. “No, it really was nice. We ate so many croissants! I had to go on a long run when we got back.”

“Oh god, you're obsessed,” Ryan groaned, nudging Yaz in the ribs. “I thought you were meant to be taking it easy?”

“The doctor said gentle exercise would strengthen the muscle! Besides, you know Kate would stop me if it would make things worse,” Yaz protested, remembering how frustrated she'd been when she'd torn a ligament in her ankle playing football. Another reason why she'd felt cooped up all summer; her five-a-side games were the highlight of her week, and she'd had to watch from the sidelines. It was still fun to socialise with her team, but Yaz was very much looking forward to playing again in the coming weeks.

“Anyway, enough about me, how did things go with the move? I meant to text you the other day.”

As Yaz quizzed Ryan about his house move and love life - the latter of which was one of Yaz's favourite things to pester him about - they walked past the bike sheds. There was a muffled clang from inside that drew Yaz's attention while Ryan was telling her about the issues he had in getting his tenancy deposit back.

A blonde woman was locking her bike up, a woman Yaz had never seen before in her life. Later, Yaz would think it was like a scene from a movie, the way that time seemed to slow as the woman turned her head to look at Yaz. As soon as she turned and their eyes met, Yaz felt her stomach drop like she was on a rollercoaster.

The face that had turned to look at her was so familiar and yet not at all, and it filled Yaz with an overwhelming sense of deja vu. The woman's chin-length blonde hair, her smile, her eyes – they were captivating. Yaz realised with slowly dawning horror that she was staring, none too subtly, and mentally shook herself to at least return the warm smile the woman gave her. _Great. Just creeping on random women at work_. Ryan's voice edged into her inner monologue.

“...and you're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?”

Yaz belatedly realised they'd stopped walking entirely and she fixed her attention on the main entrance once more, picking up the pace as if to make up for her obvious lapse in concentration.

“I am!” Yaz protested. “I promise. Just thought I recognised someone.”

Ryan frowned and looked back towards the bike racks. Yaz tried to move past the blip.

“It's fine, I didn't. Please, regale me with tales of your horrendous hangovers,” she joked, trying to shake the surprise sensation. She resisted the urge to turn back herself, steeling herself to look forward. She'd already embarrassed herself, no doubt, by staring so openly.

“Funny you should mention that. I wondered if you and Kate might be free to come to my housewarming?”

“We'd love to,” Yaz replied instantly, relieved that the conversation was safely back on track. “Kate's got some night shifts coming up, but I'm sure she'd like to cut loose for a bit if she's free.”

They continued to chat amiably as they made their way to the staffroom, greeting several other teachers who looked similarly resigned to the fact that school had started again. Yaz made a beeline for the kettle, grabbing a mug en route and heaping in as much instant coffee as she could stomach.

Today was going to be a long day.


	2. An introduction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Yaz meets the new teacher at school.

“No way.”

“Yep,” Yaz nodded, tearing off a piece of naan bread. “I had to send him to detention and everything.” One of her year sevens had decided it would be a fun idea to moon some passing girls, instead of completing his lap around the sports field. Yaz had been hoping she wouldn't need to rely on her disciplinary reputation so early in the term, but there was only so much she could take.

Kate groaned and picked up her beer, laughing when she saw Yaz morosely wipe the side of her plate with her bread.

“Hey. You survived. Here's to the first day, down.” Kate raised her beer in a toast and Yaz picked up her own drink, taking a sip after they touched glasses.

“How was your day?” asked Yaz, putting down her lemonade as she leaned back in her chair, completely full. She made a mental note to cycle in to work the next day to squeeze in some extra exercise, and listened attentively as her girlfriend supplied her with the non-gory details of her day at work.

But the thought of her bike reminded her of the blonde woman in the bike sheds. The image popped into her head, out of nowhere, and she immediately pushed it to one side as she focused on the woman across the table. Yaz reached over for one of Kate's hands, holding it gently as she recalled an older lady she had seen in A&E. Yaz knew that she wasn't getting the whole story; that there were some truly horrific things that her girlfriend dealt with on a daily basis. And yet, she never seemed to be ground down by her job.

Sensing that the anecdote was about to wrap up, Yaz stretched her legs out, wincing as her dodgy joint clicked. Kate picked up on it immediately.

“Did you manage to stay off that today?” she queried, nodding towards Yaz's ankle.

“Just about,” Yaz said, deciding to gloss over the fact that she had to chase the mooning boy across the pitch. She had been beyond irritated when she finally caught up with him, limping slightly.

“How's Ryan?”

“Same as ever, you know what he's like. I swear, that boy never changes. He asked if we fancied going to his housewarming, what do you reckon?”

Kate's eyes lit up at the prospect of socialising with people outside of the hospital. “Sounds perfect. Just let me know the date and I'll set a reminder.”

Yaz nodded, signalling for the bill. “Shall we head off? I need to regain some feeling in my legs.”

They left the restaurant hand in hand, strolling out into the mild air of an early autumn evening. Yaz inhaled deeply, trying to relax.

“You seem tense,” Kate commented, sensing her mood. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, sorry. Just a bit wiped.”

“No need to apologise, gorgeous. Just let me know if you need me to do anything.”

Yaz bit her lip. She often felt like the worst girlfriend on the planet, especially at times like these. She stopped, tugging Kate to her and brushing their lips together.

“You do enough just by being here,” Yaz murmured. “Think we could walk a bit more? I feel _so_ full.”

Kate laughed lightly, pulling their joined hands as she led the way down to the river. It was one of their favourite places to walk, and Yaz enjoyed the respite it gave from the hubbub of the city. Many of their dates had ended up with a walk like this, and Yaz always had happy memories of their time down there. Their first kiss had even been down by the bridge they were just walking towards, and, feeling similarly inspired, Yaz gently urged Kate back against a wall so they could make out like horny teenagers.

“Not that I'm complaining, but do you think we could take this elsewhere?” Kate gasped, pulling away. She eyed a man walking past with his dog and blushed.

“You don't need to ask me twice,” Yaz grinned.

\----------

The next morning, it wasn't Yaz's alarm that woke them up first. When Yaz next opened her eyes, which felt like mere seconds later, an hour had passed and her own alarm was going off. The bed was empty next to her, and she rolled into the cool sheets after she hit snooze. She let her mind wake up slowly, mentally preparing for the day ahead.

First assembly of the year. Two periods of PE, then lunch. She was going to head out with Ryan for a change of scene, and try the new burrito place that had opened up around the corner. Then four periods this afternoon, four separate classes. Yaz let her mind run over her plans for each lesson, half of her brain working through the motions while the other half wandered lazily through her other thoughts. Dinner with her parents on Friday. She needed to go and get groceries at some point in the week. Which route would be best to take on her commute? Would she see the woman with the bike again today? Yaz wondered if she was a teacher. If she was, she'd be introduced during assembly, and she could put a name to the face. Maybe then she would know if they'd met before. The thought made her smile without realising it, and she slipped out of bed to shower.

\----------

“Quiet, please, everyone!”

The voice of the headmaster echoed around the hall, and Yaz found herself subconsciously correcting her posture, shuffling in her seat. She supposed old habits were hard to break. The same applied to her attention span once the headmaster started talking, and Yaz found herself tuning out of his usual welcome back speech. Her eyes cast around the room, taking in the old and new faces. There were a couple of new teachers, it seemed, but there was no sight of the blonde woman at all. Yaz tried to ignore the bristle of disappointment.

She finally turned her attention back to the man at the podium. Mr Beale. He wasn't the most charismatic of headteachers but he was a kind man, and Yaz had always admired his tenacity in the face of the budget cuts and politics that plagued the top job. It was definitely not a position she was ever going to angle for, so he had her respect for actually doing it well. Yaz was pondering what life would be like if she was headteacher when the doors at the back of the room creaked open and a blonde head poked in.

Yaz gave a jolt of surprise. It was the woman she'd seen yesterday. She watched as the other woman scanned the room, trying to find a space to sit. She found a spare seat on the other side of the hall and slid into it, just in time to be introduced.

“Ah, there she is. Our newest member of staff, and our new sixth form English lit teacher, if you wouldn't mind standing up please, Doctor Smith?”

_Doctor?_

The blonde woman stood up, looking a little sheepish at being late. She gave a half wave to the room and sat down again, pink-cheeked. Yaz smiled at the interaction, knowing she had done something similar when she'd been introduced to the entire school. The woman's gaze never once drifted in her direction.

“Doctor?” Ryan murmured next to her, echoing Yaz's earlier thought. “She seems young.”

Yaz had to agree. But there was something about the new teacher's demeanour that suggested she was, in fact, a lot older than either Yaz or Ryan. She had the kind of ageless face that Yaz found hard to gauge. At her best guess, Yaz would have to estimate that she was in her mid-30s.

“Earth to Yaz,” Ryan whispered, and Yaz realised she'd been staring again.

“Mm?” She turned to look at him, trying to play it cool.

“Need a coffee after this?”

Yaz nodded, making a conscious effort not to look across the room again.  

\---------

For the rest of that day, Yaz didn't cross paths with anyone except for Ryan. Tuesdays were an absolute nightmare for back-to-back classes, so when Yaz checked her watch and saw that it was 3:30, she breathed a sigh of relief. _Day two, done_.

“Alright, go get changed and I'll see you next week,” she shouted over the chatter. Netball was a complete gossip-fest after class and sometimes she liked to surreptitiously listen in, to hear what was going on right under her nose. But it was still too early in the term, and most of the chat was about summer holidays, or what boys they fancied. Yaz bit back a grin as she watched one girl, Jessica, tag along with the boisterous group. She would put money on the fact that Jessica most definitely wasn't interested in boys, and she always kept an eye out for her in her classes. Sometimes, girls could be very mean.

She picked up a couple of stray bibs and made sure the court was tidy before switching off the lights, already contemplating her evening plans. As if on schedule, her phone started buzzing in her pocket. Ditching the bibs in the kit room, she fished it out, holding it up to her ear with her shoulder as she locked the door.

“Alright, babe?” she asked, speaking before she thought. She quickly turned around to ensure she was alone. Thankfully, the coast was clear. Yaz headed out of the gym via her office, to collect her bag and helmet, more than ready to head home.

Kate rarely called her at work and if she did, it was never normally a good sign. Yaz's prediction was correct: she had been asked to cover for someone and would be home late, which left Yaz at a loose end. But she reassured her girlfriend that she'd cook them some dinner and wouldn't be tempted to watch their current binge-worthy TV show alone. Their conversation started to wrap up as Yaz made it outside; she could hear the sound of a chaotic A&E department in the background.

“I love you.”

Yaz was so focused on trying to speak over the commotion that she wandered around the corner of the bike shed and straight into none other than the mystery blonde. She blushed, almost dropping her phone, and quickly hung up. The other woman was wearing a wry smile and a helmet that made her look rather eccentric. Her blonde hair was only just about poking out of the bottom.

“Oh! Well that's very kind of you to say, but we've only just met.”

“I-er, yeah, sorry!” Yaz mumbled, taken aback at their sudden proximity. They were so close that she could smell the other woman's floral perfume.

“Jo Smith, I'm new here,” the other woman said, putting out her hand. Her other hand held onto the basket at the front of her bike, which was full of what looked like paperwork and an umbrella.

“Yasmin Khan. Yaz, to my friends,” Yaz replied, shaking the proffered hand. The grip was firm, certain, and warm. She felt a tingle where their skin met but if the other woman did, she made no obvious sign of it.

“Shaking hands is so formal! Sorry, habit,” Jo muttered, shifting her backpack up higher on her back. “Anyway, it's very nice to meet you, Yaz. I'm sure I'll see you around.” She smiled broadly, continuing to push her bike out of the shed and looking back to wave briefly at Yaz.

Yaz stood rooted to the spot. That sensation had passed over her again; that odd feeling that they had met before. With someone that friendly and open, Yaz supposed it was hard not to.

It took her another a moment to realise that the other woman had adopted her nickname instantly. The thought made her feel warm. It was nice, thinking she'd potentially made a new friend so easily. Maybe this term wouldn't be so bad after all. She shook her head, dispelling the thought, then clipped on her helmet and pushed off, hoping the ride would clear her head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I nearly didn't make them meet until the next chapter...but I don't think I can do a slow burn *that* slow! I'm too impatient :') speaking of, this chapter wasn't even meant to go up until next week. Schedule? What schedule...


	3. A bike ride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaz sees something new on her commute.

A couple of weeks later, Yaz had settled into her term-time routine. And it was routine – waking up at the same time every morning, having the same cereal for breakfast, taking the same route to work on her bike, and coming home, mentally drained, every afternoon. The odd date or family meal were dotted in and around, and the weekends were sacred, but Yaz knew this would be her life until half term.

So, that morning, as she wheeled her bike out of the front door, she decided to change things up a bit. She took a different route to work. A small gesture, but one she hoped would add some variety to her run-of-the-mill commute.

Yaz loved her bike – a lightweight green road bike with drop handlebars – but it meant she had to stick to the roads. Cross-country was not an option. So she plotted a route in Google maps, trying to avoid the busier roads, and slipped her phone onto the mount on the handlebars.

The mornings had started to turn a bit cooler, a sign that autumn was on the way, so Yaz slipped on her cycling gloves for some extra grip. She had refused to sacrifice her shorts, though, preferring to keep warm with a lightweight fleece that Kate had bought her. She looked back towards her flat, knowing that Kate sometimes looked out of the living room window to wave goodbye. But there was no sign of her this morning, so Yaz clipped the backpack strap across her chest and pushed off.

The feel of air rushing past her face never got old. It was one of the reasons Yaz had become a PE teacher, and she never turned down the opportunity to be outside. She'd even researched a cycling holiday in France, but had to put it on hold when she met Kate; some of her hobbies had inevitably fallen by the wayside over the past couple of years, given that much of her spare time was spent with her girlfriend.

Yaz slowed to a stop at a set of traffic lights and did a double take when a very familiar bike popped into view. She couldn't imagine anyone else in Sheffield owning a bike that shade of deep blue, or with a basket on the front that seemed small but managed to hold so much...stuff.

The new teacher – _Jo_ , Yaz thought, _that's her name_ – pedalled past at a leisurely pace, narrowly avoiding a pot-hole and oblivious to the bus that was sitting on her tail. It gave Yaz the impression that she had never really cycled in a city before; that, or she just didn't care for the rush around her. Yaz found herself adopting the same pace, unwilling to awkwardly overtake, and wondering if she could form some kind of protective barrier against impatient road users. At least, from behind.

As they cycled, Yaz realised this slower pace was actually more enjoyable. Normally, she was hyper-aware of spaces she could nip into, subconsciously racing the clock. But really, why rush to work? This new route had more greenery, more traffic lights to stop at, and quieter roads. It was better than her existing routine, that was for sure.

Jo didn't realise Yaz had been following her until they got to the school gates.

“Oh! Morning, Yaz! Beautiful day for a bike ride, eh?” She was pink-cheeked from the fresh air and radiated a boundless enthusiasm that was almost infectious. Yaz drew up alongside her as they walked their bikes to the shed.

“Yeah, not a bad way to start the day,” Yaz smiled, leaning her bike against a post as she unclipped her helmet.

“I love your bike,” said Jo, eyes wide. “The handlebars look fun. I'm too scared to try one of those, though.”

“Really? How come?”

“ _Way_ too clumsy.” Jo eyed the bike warily.

Yaz didn't buy it. She didn't know this woman, at all, but from what she'd seen on their journey in together, she was completely aware of her surroundings. For some reason, she wanted to give off the opposite impression.

“Give it a go,” she blurted, without thinking.

Jo hesitated and Yaz held her bike out.

“Go on, just down the path. I'll come with you.” Yaz nodded to the path behind the bike shed, which was still empty at this time of morning.

“You promise I'm not going to fall off this thing?” Jo said, gingerly taking possession of the bike and wheeling it outside.

“I promise. I won't let you,” Yaz affirmed, wondering why on earth she'd suggested it in the first place. It was almost as if she wanted to prove the other woman wrong. Plus, her bike was very fun to ride.

“Alright, Yaz, I trust you,” Jo beamed, before swinging a leg over and standing on her tiptoes. Yaz realised she didn't know where to put her hands without touching the other woman, so she settled for a grip on the handlebars. They started moving, too slowly, and Jo wobbled.

“Start pedalling or you'll fall, then when you get up to speed just move your hands down to the dropped bars. I'll be right behind you.” Yaz gave her a gentle push on her lower back, drawing her hand back quickly.

“Are you sure about this?” Jo half-shouted, but she was already off, and Yaz chuckled as she wobbled a little, correcting herself to move her hands downwards. She was a natural.

“Good fun, right?” Yaz, shouted, grinning, as Jo pedalled back.

“The best! I don't think I'm ready to give up the old girl yet, though,” said Jo, handing Yaz back her bike before locking up her own. “This particular bike has such character that I can't quite bring myself to replace it.” She patted the seat fondly, before yanking her bag out of the basket. Yaz gawped at the size of it. _How did it fit in that tiny basket?_

“I don't know about you, but I could murder a coffee. Come on, let's get a shift on.” Jo waited for Yaz to lock up her bike before they headed to the staffroom together, and Yaz found, for the first time in a long time, that her dread of being at work had faded completely.

* * *

The last Friday night of the month meant dinner with the family, something that Yaz normally tolerated because she loved them to pieces, but which often led to exasperation at the repeated questioning of her personal life. She knew they only asked because they loved her so much, but it started to wear on her patience after a long week at work.

“Alright, love? Come in and help your sister lay the table.”

Najia Khan called over her shoulder from the kitchen, her husband relegated to kitchen aide given his terrible track record with cooking. Yaz shoved her keys in her pocket, giving Hakim a kiss on the cheek. Sonya was already laying out the cutlery and she stuck her tongue out at Yaz, a gesture that Yaz returned instantly.

“And don't think I don't know what you're up to, girls,” Najia said, her back still turned to the room.

Yaz raised her eyes, impressed at her mum's telepathy.

“How was work, love?” Hakim asked, “And how's Kate?”

_And so it begins._

“Fine and fine, she's just working tonight,” Yaz said, keen to forget about work and not quite ready to broach the subject of her girlfriend just yet. This was the first time she'd seen her parents since the trip to Paris, and she knew her dad wanted to know what had happened.

“Did, er, did anything big happen while you were away?” he asked, as Sonya made vomiting noises in the background.

“Sonya! Make yourself useful, please, and put some glasses out,” Najia tutted. She turned to focus her full attention on Yaz.

“Yes, any major developments, Yasmin?” Najia Khan in an apron, in a kitchen, was in her element and a force to be reckoned with at the best of times. Yaz realised she couldn't dodge the line of questioning any further.

“Nothing happened. I promise, you'd be the first to know if something like that ever happens,” Yaz sighed.

Hakim's shoulders dropped.

“Still, you had a nice time there?” he asked.

Yaz nodded, hoping it would suffice.

“Good, I'm glad to hear it. I hope you've worked up an appetite, because your mum's been cooking all afternoon.”

And so, the evening passed without too many more comments about Yaz's love life, and only a smattering about her career. She deflected most of them expertly, preferring to jump in with her own chosen topics of conversation or trying to dob her sister in. That part was fun. Finally, after they had eaten their fill of Najia's delicious cooking, Najia shooed Hakim and Sonya out of the room so that she and Yaz could tidy up.

“But-”

“Just so we can have a proper chat, Yasmin. You seem a bit tired, love, if you don't mind me saying.”

Yaz shrugged. “The first weeks are always a bit much,” she admitted, dipping her hands into the soapy water in the sink and starting to scrub at a plate with a sponge. Najia softened.

“I don't think it's just the first few weeks, though, is it?” Najia picked up a dishtowel and started drying the crockery Yaz handed her.

Yaz sighed. “I don't know. It's just...hard, sometimes, to know what I should be doing. I'm 27. I should know by now, surely?” She threw the sponge into the water in frustration, ignoring the splash that she got in response.

“There's no hurry, love. And I know your dad likes to ask about Kate, but don't feel pressured into anything.”

Yaz laughed at that. “Even if she did propose, I'm not sure who in our family would come to my wedding.” Her mouth took a downward turn at the thought. Although her close family were very accepting of her relationship, it had not gone down well with her extended family. She hadn't seen many of them in years, now.

Najia dropped the towel back onto the counter when it became apparent Yaz wasn't going to hand her any more items to dry.

“Listen to me, Yasmin. I want you to know that whatever happens, whatever you decide to do? We love you and we're so proud of you.”

Yaz felt tears start to sting at her eyes and she screwed them shut quickly, as if she could blink them away. When she opened them again, her mum looked a little blurry around the edges.

“Thanks, mum,” she mumbled, leaning into a sideways hug. “I honestly don't know what I'd do without you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Najia is basically the MVP of this story. Also, I debated giving Yaz a fixie...but she isn't hipster enough.


	4. A discussion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update to tide us over - there's some actual plot in this one 🙂

That Sunday afternoon, Kate suggested a trip to the cinema. Yaz loved films so she agreed instantly, happy just to spend some time with Kate after another series of crazy shifts.   
  
They stood in front of the ticket machine, scrolling through their options.  
  
"Horror?"  
  
Kate shook her head. "Enough of that at work. How about a comedy?"  
  
"I think all of the so-called comedies we've seen recently have been pretty awful. How about a drama?"  
  
Yaz flicked down the screen. "Look! Brooklyn. That's meant to be good, right?"  
  
Kate nodded. "Perfect choice, Yaz. As always. Now, to the popcorn!" She strode off in the direction of the food, tugging Yaz along with her.   
  
Like school kids, they chose two seats at the back of the screen. And like school kids, they giggled at some of the scenes. But there was something about the film that stirred something inside Yaz. The main character's strained relationship with her mother, her new life in a different country, and the choices she had to make regarding her relationships - none of these were things that Yaz herself had experienced. But they resonated with her completely, opening her eyes to a whole new perspective on life. She found herself gripping Kate's hand by the end.   
  
Kate raved about the film as they left the cinema, but Yaz was too distracted by the sense of unease it had awakened.   
  
"Penny for them."  
  
They'd reached the car without Yaz really noticing, and she jolted out of her daydream. Kate leaned against it, regarding Yaz warmly. "Did you not like the film?" she asked, genuinely curious.  
  
"No, I mean, I did. It just wasn't what I was expecting," Yaz offered. There was a beat, a slight tension as Yaz watched Kate's face change expression.   
  
"There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about. But not here. Shall we head home for a cuppa?"  
  
"Is everything alright?" Yaz asked, suddenly nervous. Kate was wearing the pensive look that meant an intense conversation could be on the cards.   
  
"Always, gorgeous. I didn't mean to worry you." Kate brought her hand up to rest on Yaz's cheek as she left a gentle kiss on her lips. "Only good things."

* * *

As soon as they got home, Yaz stuck the kettle on, busying herself in the kitchen. The nerves hadn't abated because she had a feeling she knew what Kate wanted to talk about, and it was a topic she was not keen to broach right now. Thankfully, Kate let her potter about in the kitchen, giving her some space. She was very good at reading Yaz's moods.   
  
Yaz watched the tea brew, enjoying the way the water turned darker and darker. She knew her mum would tell her off for doing it, but she enjoyed encouraging the process by pushing the teabag around with a spoon, squeezing it against the side of the mug. She let Kate's brew a bit more gently, resisting the urge to prod it, but Yaz liked her tea strong anyway, so this was just a more efficient way of brewing the best tea for them both.   
  
It was at moments like these that Yaz realised how different they both were as people. Which could be a good thing - too similar and they'd probably have broken up within weeks - but each wanting something slightly different from the other, right down to how they liked their tea.   
  
She heard Kate tidying the living room, a nervous tic that Yaz had always found rather cute. When she'd been preparing for the interview for her current job, Yaz had come home one day to find the flat sparkling clean and Kate fast asleep in the bath.   
  
Her timewasting was rapidly stretching plausibility. Yaz disposed of the tea bags and added the correct amount of milk to each mug, nudging the kitchen door open with her foot.   
  
The sight that greeted her made her stop in her tracks. There were candles lit, more candles than she knew they owned. Kate was sitting on the edge of the sofa, but got to her feet the instant Yaz entered the room. She didn't say anything, but hovered as Yaz walked over with the tea. They sat down at the same time, and Yaz sensed that Kate was possibly as nervous as she was. Her heart rate started to pick up, and she put the mugs on the table before she spilled tea everywhere.   
  
"I had this whole thing prepared," Kate said, laughing at herself. "And when it comes down to it, I forget my words. Because you make me forget my words, Yaz, in the best way possible. I've loved the past two years we've spent together, and it's made me realise that I want more than that. That we can live the rest of our lives together. And I was hoping you felt the same way?"  
  
_Shit_.   
  
Although she knew this kind of conversation was coming, going from the hints Kate kept leaving - discussing what their wedding might look like, or what song they might dance their first dance to - the reality of this conversation was like a slap in the face. Especially after that damned film. Yaz tried to buy some time.  
  
"Wow, I don't know what to say."   
  
_Wrong answer._  
  
"Huh. I just kind of thought we were on the same wavelength here, you know? Planning for a future together?" Kate looked hurt.   
  
"We are, I promise. I love you, so much. I really do. I just.."  
  
Yaz trailed off, realising she had to choose her words carefully. Kate was razor sharp and had a good memory, which sometimes meant a poorly considered choice of words or bad decision could come back to haunt Yaz later. But she realised there was no way of saying it differently, and she owed Kate the truth. It was the least she could do. Honesty had to be the best policy at a juncture as crucial as this.

"I'm not sure I want to get married. To anyone," she exhaled shakily.   
  
Kate looked down at her hands.   
  
"Is this because of your family?" she asked, voice quiet. "I know they don't like me."  
  
"Not at all, please don't think that," Yaz rushed to reassure her. She reached for Kate's clasped hands and held them in her own, trying to convey her sincerity through touch.   
  
"My dad was asking if you proposed, you know. In Paris."   
  
Kate laughed lightly, then sniffed, and Yaz felt absolutely awful when she realised she was crying.   
  
"C'mere, I'm sorry I upset you." She pulled Kate into a hug, the tea forgotten. She closed her eyes as she felt Kate shake in her arms, wishing they could rewind the past five minutes. They sat there for a while, taking comfort in each other, and Yaz wondered if she'd put her foot in it for the last time.   
  
Eventually, Kate pulled away, her eyes red.   
  
"I don't want to rush you. Or try and push you into anything you don't want. But would you do one thing for me?"  
  
Yaz nodded. "Always."  
  
"Will you give it some thought? You know...not rule it out altogether? I sprang it on you just now, and that was your gut response, and I get that. But it would mean a lot to me if you would think about it. We don't have to do anything traditional, or invite our families, we could elope or do whatever you want. I just..it would mean a lot to me if you slept on it."  
  
Yaz sighed. Yes, that had been her gut instinct, but she was pretty certain it wasn't going to change. Still, she felt like she owed Kate a better answer, a more well rounded response as to why she didn't want to get married. Yaz wasn't sure if she knew the answer herself, so she nodded, thinking that she could at least spend some time figuring it out.   
  
Kate smiled, relieved.   
  
"Thank you. I love you, you know."  
  
Instead of replying, Yaz kissed her soundly.   
  
That night, she didn't sleep a wink. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone seen/read Brooklyn? Would definitely recommend if not, it's pretty slow moving and not a lot happens but the reason it resonates with Yaz is because the main character is unhappy with her life (and, coincidentally, has to choose between two love interests). It popped into my head when I was thinking of what they'd go and see at the cinema, and seemed appropriate!


	5. A coffee

Eventually Yaz must have fallen asleep, because she awoke with a jolt to the sound of her alarm. She was so tired that she felt sick; Kate often likened lack of sleep to a hangover, not that Yaz had ever experienced one, and she was very glad she didn't subject herself to them if this was what they felt like. Her eyes burned with tiredness and her brain felt fuzzy, slow, and uncooperative. And, to top it off, it was Monday.

Yaz rolled over, but Kate was nowhere to be seen. _Odd._ She wracked her brain, which was still waking up, trying to remember if Kate had a shift today. But it was still far too early to think that hard, and Yaz gave up, hoping a hot shower and a hot coffee would set her straight.

The hot shower just made her more sleepy so Yaz flicked the kettle on, shutting her eyes as she waited. She almost jumped out of her skin when a pair of slender arms looped around her waist.

“Morning,” Kate murmured, kissing her cheek. Yaz melted a little into her touch, but felt grumpy and partly blamed Kate for her poor night's sleep. She pulled out of the loose hold when the kettle boiled, busying herself with making coffee.

“Want a coffee?” Yaz asked, turning to face her girlfriend. The mystery of her earlier absence was solved when she saw that Kate was in her running gear, her short hair damp with sweat.

“All good, thanks,” Kate smiled, filling a glass with water and downing it. “Did you sleep okay?”

Yaz debated telling her the truth, but then realised it wouldn't help things in any way, shape, or form. She knew that her irritation was fuelled by lack of sleep, and that she was being unreasonable to expect that Kate would notice she had barely slept at all. Besides, it was her own brain that had kept her up; it wasn't Kate's fault, even if she had informally proposed the night before. Yaz felt like she had to pinch herself to know whether she was actually awake. _Kate proposed_.

“Yeah, alright thanks. You?”

Kate nodded. “Woke up too early, so thought I'd get a run in before work. Normal hours today, thank god. So, I'll see you for dinner?”

Yaz nodded and Kate brushed a swift kiss against her cheek.

“Have a good day. I love you!”

Yaz waved Kate off as she headed to shower, giving herself a moment to collect her thoughts before she headed out the door. She was late, meaning she had to stick to her old route, and she just about made it in time for class. She bumped into Ryan in their shared office, just as he was leaving.

“Alright, Yaz? Late one, was it?” Ryan asked, looking slightly concerned at her appearance.

“You could say that,” Yaz sighed, picking up her gear.

“Well, if you're free at lunch, fill me in,” he smiled, giving her shoulder a gentle pat as he passed by.

Despite being the very first day of the week, Mondays did have a silver lining: a two-hour lunch break. It was the highlight of Yaz's working week, so it was a bit of a shame it was over and done with at the start of it. Normally, Yaz would head straight out the gates and go on a run or treat herself to lunch, but today she didn't feel like doing either of those things. Instead, when 11am rolled around, she pushed open the staffroom door, fully expecting it to be empty and finding none other than Jo sitting there, reading the newspaper.

She put it down as soon as she heard the door close.

“Yaz! What a lovely surprise. Just catching up on world events,” Jo said, folding the newspaper neatly. Yaz always read the news on her phone; seeing someone read a newspaper was a bit of a novelty.

“Anything interesting?” Yaz asked, heading to the kettle to make her third coffee of the morning.

“Well, I was just reading about a fantastic man in Colombia who made a library out of books he found in the rubbish. In the rubbish! Who would throw away a book, they're marvellous.”

“I think you have a bit of a vested interest,” Yaz pointed out. “Books are your livelihood.” She poured boiling water into her mug.

Jo nodded. “True. But can you imagine a life without them? Can't have a universe with no books!”

Yaz found herself coming back to life in Jo's company. She felt like a sponge, literally soaking up her energy. Jo's enthusiasm started to pull Yaz out of her self-introspection, and it was much needed that morning.

“I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you okay? You seem a bit tired,” Jo said, looking at her with concern. Yaz had looked at her reflection in a mirror after she'd spoken with Ryan and realised she did look absolutely exhausted, so she couldn't blame Jo for asking.

“Ah, yeah. Just couldn't get much sleep last night.”

Jo nodded sympathetically. “Those nights are the worst. Well, how's the rest of your day looking?” She had got to her feet and joined Yaz by the kitchen counter.

“Free until one o'clock,” Yaz replied, frowning slightly at the jump in conversation, but grateful that Jo didn't pry.

“Perfect! Me, too. Come on, I'm taking you for a proper coffee.” Jo carefully retrieved the mug from Yaz's hands, their fingers brushing. It was innocent contact, but Yaz felt her skin tingle. She chose to blame it on the warm ceramic of the mug, but couldn't deny that she was intrigued to spend some time with this woman.

Yaz mentally shook her head. All she was looking for was a distraction from her thoughts. Nothing more.

Jo had wandered over to retrieve her coat, and slid it on. It was a lovely pale blue, with a hood, and looked both comfortable and practical. The more Yaz looked at it, the more she realised she'd never seen a coat like it.

“That's a really nice coat,” she commented

“Oh! Thank you. I found a fantastic tailor in Vietnam a while back, but I didn't have enough room to carry much more than this coat. One day, I'll have to go back and find him again.”

She beamed at Yaz. “You might need to show me where to go, by the way. I still have no idea where anything is.”

* * *

Luckily, there was a decent coffee shop about five minutes' walk from the school, one that Yaz and Ryan often visited if they had the chance. Yaz ordered her usual latte, while Jo stood with her hands on her hips and frowned at the board.

“Not sure what you fancy?” Yaz asked.

“I'm not really a big coffee drinker, myself. Makes me go a bit...” Jo waved her hands around her head and pulled the most expressive face Yaz had ever seen. “Doolally.”

Yaz giggled. “So, no coffee for you, then?”

Jo shook her head. “Safest not to.”

To her surprise Jo ordered chai tea, one of Yaz's favourite drinks. They found a couple of comfortable chairs, which wasn't too difficult given the time of day; the place was mainly full of young mums or older people. When Yaz managed to leave school during the day, she often found herself wondering what life would be like outside of the 9-to-5 routine. Right now, it felt like she was bunking off, and the thought gave her a little thrill.

“It's funny you ordered chai, it's one of my favourite drinks. My mum always makes it when I go to see her,” Yaz said, taking a sip of her latte.

“You'll probably find this sacrilegious, then,” Jo grimaced, before spooning in sugar. Yaz's eyes widened.

“I know, I know. But I like the version they sell on the trains.”

Yaz frowned. “The trains?”

Jo slapped a palm on her forehead. “Sorry. I tend to wander off in conversations. On Indian trains, they sell these little plastic cups of chai, and it's incredibly sweet. Makes it rather addictive.” Jo took a sip and hummed in pleasure, and Yaz tried to ignore the way she licked her lips afterwards.

“India? And Vietnam, right? Where else have you been?” she asked, determined to get her thoughts back on track, and instantly intrigued by the fact that Jo had obviously been to those countries.

“Ah, a few different places,” Jo smiled. “Where would you like me to start?”

* * *

It turned out that Jo had been travelling all over the world, and Yaz felt her jaw drop as she recounted her two-year journey around the globe. She felt a mix of awe, and jealousy, and the imminent need to go and see what Jo had seen. Because it all sounded amazing. But Yaz had a feeling that Jo would make even the most banal of things sound interesting.

“And then, this flock of flamingos flew overhead, I've never seen so many in one place!”

“Whoah, whoah. I'm going to have to stop you there. This is making me far too jealous,” Yaz laughed, wanting nothing more than to listen to Jo speak all day. “Why did you end up travelling for so long?”

Jo's cheerful expression instantly faded and she played with the handle of her mug.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to pry,” Yaz apologised, realising she'd hit on a sore spot. She mentally cursed herself. Jo had avoided asking her about why she'd not slept; and now, Yaz had bloody well prodded an open wound.

“No, it's alright. It's good for me to talk about it.” Jo cleared her throat, rolling her shoulders back.

“My parents, they died when I was finishing up my PhD."

Yaz gasped. “Oh my god. I'm so sorry,” she said, instinctively reaching out for Jo's hand but drawing back at the last minute. She still had no idea what was appropriate and she didn't want to overstep any boundaries.

“It's ok, honestly, Yaz,” Jo smiled at her, but Yaz could see sadness in her eyes. “I carry them with me, you know. They may be gone from the world, but they're never gone from me.”

Yaz felt her own eyes start to burn with unexpected emotion. The lack of sleep, the intense conversation, the thought of her own parents dying, and the thought of Jo being orphaned – all of it made her wobble.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jo asked, and Yaz felt a warm hand on her arm.

“Yeah, I- I'm sorry. I just can't even imagine how that must have felt,” she murmured, biting her lip as she tried to hold it together. A few beats passed as she managed to regain control of herself, and she was immensely thankful to the other woman for being so graceful about the whole thing. _She tells you her family died, and yet she's comforting you? Pull it together, Yaz._

“So you travelled?” Yaz cleared her throat, reaching for her coffee and realising she'd already finished it.

Jo nodded. “There was a payout on the insurance. I didn't have any other family left to tell me to invest it, or buy a house, or do any of those things I was probably meant to do. So I bought a one-way ticket and never looked back.”

“Wow. I think that's incredible.”

Jo blushed lightly. “Well, it beat staying at home, that's for sure. As soon as I had defended my thesis – poof, I was out of there.”

“What is your PhD in?”

“Astrophysics.”

Yaz was glad she'd finished her coffee or she'd have spat it out.

“Wait. You teach English and have a physics degree?”

“Yep. But a PhD just means I know a lot about a very niche subject. Teaching English meant I could teach when I travelled.”

Yaz was seriously impressed. “You taught out there as well?”

“Yeah! Wanna see?” Jo jumped out of her seat, perching on the arm of Yaz's, and Yaz tried to ignore the warmth she felt coming from a strange body so close to her own. She was wearing that perfume again, the floral one that suited her so well. Yaz tried to hold her breath so she didn't breathe it in too much.

She caught a glimpse of the lockscreen on Jo's phone, a picture of her and some young children pulling faces for the camera. The sight of it made Yaz smile instantly, a smile that only broadened as Jo flicked through pictures of her time teaching in southeast Asia. There were so many glimpses of her life in that phone, so many snippets of experience and a life that had been well lived. Unfortunately, Jo noticed the time as she was scrolling between her albums.

“Ah! It's nearly one o'clock. Sorry, I have a class in ten minutes.”

Yaz couldn't believe that two hours had passed so quickly. She had forgotten where she was, what she was meant to be doing, even what day it was. She got out of her chair, stretching as she realised she hadn't moved in a long, long time.

“Yeah, I suppose I should head back, too. But I had a lovely time, thank you for getting me out for a bit,” Yaz smiled, entirely reluctant to go back to work.

“Any time, Yaz.” They walked back, chatting idly about their plans for the rest of the day, and Yaz only belatedly realised she hadn't caught up with Ryan when she saw him by the gates. Jo waved her goodbye as they parted ways.

“I was going to ask where you were, but now I see you had other plans.” He grinned as Yaz reached him, and she shoved his arm.

“Yeah, yeah. Just a coffee, she's a really interesting woman,” Yaz said.

“I'm sure she is,” Ryan drawled.

“God, Sinclair, why do I put up with you,” Yaz groaned, instantly brought back to earth. “I'll make it up to you. Lunch tomorrow?”

“Only if you're buying,” Ryan laughed, running away before Yaz could kick him.


	6. A dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is anyone else like Yaz, or is it just me who needs regular feeding?? If I miss so much as one meal I am completely useless 😂

The only downside to her impromptu coffee with Jo was that Yaz completely missed eating lunch. Given how much exercise she did, Yaz very much relied on regular meals or she'd start to get tired and grouchy. It was one of her least favourite traits but she knew there wasn't much she could do about it. She consoled herself with the fact that at least she knew she could be a bit of a dick when she was hungry.  
  
"Oi! No shoving!" Yaz bellowed across the football pitch. She never normally resorted to shouting so informally, even with her badly behaved students, but it had the desired effect. The aggressive player backed off, hands raised.   
  
"Free kick to the yellow team," Yaz shouted, a bit quieter.  _That'll teach them to play dirty._  She snuck a glance at her watch, overjoyed to see it was nearly hometime.   
  
When the final whistle blew, Yaz hurried the class home so she could also escape. As she retrieved her bike from the shed, she saw Jo's distinctive blue bike chained up and was a bit disappointed they hadn't crossed paths again. Which was silly, really, given how much of the morning they'd spent together. But Yaz was not to be distracted from the more urgent task of getting some food, and the thought registered only briefly before she started mentally preparing a late lunch.  
  
But by the time she had nipped to Tesco and queued behind all of the mums doing the post-school grocery shop, it was nearing dinner time. The lack of food and sleep was really starting to make life difficult, and Yaz fumbled with her keys a couple of times before she made progress with the front door, kicking it shut behind her and wincing at the slam. Her downstairs neighbour was a lovely older lady who was slightly deaf, but Yaz was always wary of making too much noise.   
  
Kate arrived home an hour later, looking like she'd just walked out of a fashion shoot. Yaz had no idea how she always looked so poised, especially after a day at work. It was slightly intimidating, especially when she felt so frazzled herself.   
  
"Ooh, lucky me! You cooked?"   
  
Kate was obviously touched by the gesture, and Yaz hadn't the heart to admit she'd made a start on the cooking because she was ravenously hungry.   
  
"Mmm," she hummed, stirring the chilli.   
  
"And my favourite, too. Thank you," Kate sighed, wrapping her arms around Yaz in an echo of what she'd done that morning, this time dotting gentle kisses up Yaz's neck.   
  
"Ahh, you know that always gets me going. We'll never eat at this rate," Yaz chuckled, focusing on the task at hand.   
  
"Well...why don't we turn the heat down here, for a minute," Kate said, reaching for the gas. "And turn it up somewhere else?"   
  
Yaz instantly reached for the gas, turning it back up.   
  
"Sorry, babe. I missed lunch today and you know how tired I get without regular meals." Yaz wore a sheepish smile, feeling slightly guilty for turning Kate down but knowing she would be little to no use if she delayed eating any further. Something else was bothering her, besides. She found herself wanting a bit of space, a bit of spare time to think. She was bone tired and was finding the amorous attention a bit more clingy than usual.   
  
"You missed a meal?" Kate gasped in mock horror, holding her palm to Yaz's forehead. "Are you feeling okay? Come on, talk to Doctor Munro."   
  
Despite the hunger pangs, Yaz felt a visceral response to Kate's words. She fidgeted, uncomfortable at the feel of such contradictory responses to the other woman.  
  
"Are you trying to kill me?" she groaned, starting to stir the pot a little more vigorously.   
  
"I forgot you liked to play doctor," Kate murmured, before nipping at Yaz's earlobe. Yaz yelped in response, starting to feel a little overwhelmed.   
  
"Oh god. How about you make those hands useful elsewhere and put some rice on?" Yaz pleaded, her voice increasing in pitch.  _Smooth, Yaz_. She finally turned to face Kate, realising with a jolt that she hadn't even really looked at her since she'd come home.   
  
Kate sighed, raising her hands in defeat.   
  
"Rain check?"   
  
"Promise. Just got to feed the beast."  
  
Kate nodded, finally giving Yaz some space as she busied herself in the cupboards.   
  
"So, how come you missed lunch?" Kate's voice drifted out from behind the cupboard door. With her face hidden Yaz felt a bit braver, because Kate could sometimes get a bit jealous of Yaz spending time with other people. Their time together was rare and precious given Kate's work commitments, so Yaz didn't usually give a second thought to her requests to spend their free time together. After all, she really didn't mind spending time with her girlfriend. But at times it could feel claustrophobic - especially since Kate insisted on meeting all of Yaz's friends and then winning them over immediately with her charming personality.   
  
"I went for a coffee with one of the new teachers and lost track of time," Yaz admitted.   
  
Kate retracted her head from the cupboard.   
  
"Oh?"   
  
Yaz felt her stomach drop at the change in tone. She knew that tone. It was the sound of intrigue but also slight disapproval.   
  
"Yeah. We had a right old natter and before we knew it, we had to get back to class." Yaz kept her tone deliberately light. They'd been here once before when Yaz had made friends at work, but when Kate realised Yaz's new colleague was male, and called Ryan, she hadn't had such a vested interest in their friendship. Women were another matter.   
  
"What's he called?"   
  
_Straight to the point_. It was at times like these that Yaz felt she was walking on eggshells, something she didn't fancy her chances at when feeling so exhausted.   
  
"She's called Jo."  
  
Yaz was sure she didn't imagine the subtle change in Kate's body language.   
  
"Anyway, she doesn't really know the area so I thought it'd be nice for her to have a friend."  
  
Kate softened at that. "Of course. You're so thoughtful, Yaz. Hey, why don't you invite her over for dinner or something? We could introduce her to some of our friends?"  
  
"Maybe," Yaz replied, not keen to commit to the idea just yet. "I barely know her, maybe sometime in the future?"   
  
At that, Kate thankfully dropped the subject entirely and Yaz exhaled when she left the kitchen to shower. She felt both wired and tired from the interaction. They ate dinner together and chatted idly about whatever popped into their heads, the conversation light and easy. But Yaz couldn't shake the sense of unease that had plagued her since she'd mentioned Jo.   
  
Finally, dinner eaten, she pushed her chair back from the table.   
  
"I feel really, really tired," she admitted. "Would you mind if I had an early night?"  
  
_Please don't come with me_.   
  
The thought flashed across her consciousness like lightning and was gone just as quickly, but the vividness of it lingered for a long time afterwards.  
  
Kate regarded her so softly that it only compounded Yaz's muddled thoughts.   
  
"You never need to ask, Yaz. Just get some rest, I'll tidy up. I need to catch up on some reading, anyway. I'll try not to wake you later."  
  
Yaz dropped a kiss on the top of Kate's head on her way out of the door. "I love you," she muttered, nuzzling Kate's hair before pulling away completely.   
  
"Love you too, gorgeous. Sleep tight."  
  
When Yaz crawled in between cool sheets, it was with a sense of complete and utter relief. Her tired eyes insisted on staying open as she worked over the events of the day, which had felt like three days rolled into one. Eventually they closed and sleep followed shortly afterwards. And of all the conversations she'd had that day, Yaz dreamt mainly of a train rolling across an arid landscape, lurching gently in the heat. A train she had never seen, but that had been painted so vividly for her by Jo that she could see it when she closed her eyes.

A journey she wanted to go on so badly that it hurt to wake up and realise it had all been a dream. 


	7. A run

_October_

Yaz would deny it outright if you'd be so bold as to ask her, but she started to time her morning commutes to coincide with Jo's journey to work.

She didn't want to think too closely about the timing of it all. They'd gone for a drink and got on famously; the next logical step would be to speak more regularly, suss out the potential for friendship, and go from there. One way to ensure their schedules overlapped was to target the lowest common denominator: their shared cycle route. Even Yaz knew she had to draw the line somewhere, though, and she denied herself the opportunity to scrutinise Jo's schedule in the staffroom. Besides, not knowing whether she'd see her made it a welcome surprise when she did.

Like this morning. Yaz had come to a stop at some traffic lights, adopting the leisurely pace she'd come to enjoy. She was contemplating the weather when she heard a bell tring behind her.

Irritated at the disturbance, she turned her head, only to break out into a smile when she saw a familiar face behind her.

“Morning, Yaz!” Jo called out, as cheerful as ever. Yaz wondered how she could always be so upbeat, but then, she wasn't exactly in the happiest of places herself. Everyone seemed cheerful by comparison. “Fancy seeing you here.”

At that, Yaz blushed, remembering that only she already knew they shared a route. She decided to play dumb.

“Nice coincidence,” she said, adjusting the velcro on her gloves. There was a slightly awkward silence, and then they both spoke at once.

“No, no, you first,” Yaz laughed, relieved that Jo was laughing, too. Jo always managed to put her at ease.

“I was just going to say, thanks for letting me ramble on, the other day. It was nice to actually talk about things,” Jo smiled.

Yaz felt herself melt a little. She was jolted from her thoughts by the sound of someone honking their car horn, and she realised the light had turned green. She pulled an apologetic face at Jo, pushing off from the pavement and leading the way to the next junction. She turned and waited for Jo to join her, taking the opportunity to openly watch her.

“So, how long have you been in Sheffield?” she asked when Jo pulled up behind her again.

“Literally the week before term started,” Jo puffed, catching her breath. “Still haven't unpacked half of my stuff. My flat's a tip.”

Yaz chuckled as Jo tried to tuck her blonde hair back under her helmet.

“Unpacking is a nightmare. Have you got the place to yourself?” Yaz asked, belatedly wondering if that was a rude question.

Jo nodded once.

“Just me. And about sixteen houseplants that I'm trying to keep alive, with varying degrees of success.”

The light turned green again. And so, every time they reached a junction, Yaz would ask a question or two. It turned into a fun game, in her head.

“You know,” Jo panted, “you're so fit that you get here a good minute before me. I really need to get back into shape.”

“You seem in pretty good shape to me,” Yaz blurted out. _Oh god. Maybe Kate has a point._ Yaz knew that wasn't particularly fair on either of them – she was pretty certain that Kate's distrust stemmed from her cheating ex – but the thought popped into her brain and sat there, taunting her.

“I used to run, before. Need to get back into it,” Jo said, tucking her backpack strap into the bike basket before they set off again.

“Oh! I love to run. I can point out some nice routes, if you like?” Yaz asked at the next junction. It was the last stop before school. She had spent the intervening minutes trying to figure out the right wording so that it would come off as casual, not overly interested, but pitched just right for Jo to take her up on the offer.

“Really? That would be great, thank you!”

Yaz nearly suggested that she accompany her on a run, but reigned in the thought at the last second. _Too much_. 

“D'ya wanna come with me?”

Yaz did a double take.

“My sense of direction is terrible, and I'm no doubt going to fall over something, and get lost-”

“Yes,” Yaz beamed, cutting across Jo's ramblings. “I'll take you out.”

Now it was Yaz's turn to ramble. “On a run. Yeah, I know a good route that you'll like, nothing too strenuous.” She felt herself turning a bit warm at her choice of words, and was grateful they had finally reached the school gates so that she could go and hide in her office.

They both dismounted their bikes; Jo kind of awkwardly hopped off hers, bouncing onto the balls of her feet. “I'll hold you to that,” she said. “And I'll see you later?”

Yaz nodded, smiling as Jo waved goodbye. As soon as she was out of sight, Yaz closed her eyes, wondering what on earth was wrong with her. Simple sentences weren't normally that difficult, even around beautiful women, but Jo had a way of surprising and charming Yaz to the degree that she had no idea what to expect. It was...exciting.

_No, Yaz. Stop. She's probably as straight as a ruler, anyway._

Of course, Ryan had seen them arrive together.

“How's your new friend?” he grinned, leaning back in his chair with his feet on the desk. Yaz always told him he'd fall backwards one day and was tempted to encourage fate.

“She's fine.” Yaz unpacked her bag, tone as neutral as she could manage. Her heart was still pumping a little faster than usual, but she blamed that on trying to talk and cycle simultaneously. That she was fit and didn't normally lose her breath over such light exercise was inconsequential.

“Mighty fine, some might say,” said Ryan, raising an eyebrow. He grinned, to show he was only half serious. “Hey, no harm, no foul. Good to welcome the new teachers, right?”

Yaz stopped what she was doing as a thought occurred to her.

“Yeah...yeah. You know what? You should invite her to your housewarming. It'd be good for her to meet some new people. You're having it at half-term?”

Ryan nodded, a glint in his eye.

“And you and Kate are coming too, right?”

Yaz bit her lip. She hadn't thought about that. Now that Kate knew Jo's name, she'd no doubt want to meet her. “Yeah,” she mumbled, resuming her task.

“Excellent,” said Ryan, rubbing his hands together. “That'll be cosy.”

* * *

Yaz found Jo in the staffroom a couple of days later, chatting with some of the other teachers. They were listening raptly, and Yaz watched from afar as Jo told a story using mainly her hands and several animated facial expressions. She didn't even know what it was about, but she was just as enraptured as Jo's captive audience.

As if noticing Yaz was watching her, Jo looked up and caught her eye. She smiled, pausing in her story, before continuing as if nothing had happened.

Yaz busied herself making some tea, determined to limit her coffee intake.

“What happened to the usual?” Jo asked, making Yaz jump in surprise. She had crept up like a cat, almost silently.

“Oh, you know. Just trying to cut back on the caffeine.”

“You probably know that contains just as much as a cup of coffee?” Jo asked, quirking an eyebrow.

Yaz shrugged. “Can't blame a girl for trying, right?”

“You know what would go really well with that?” Jo asked, before dashing off to the pigeonholes on the other side of the room. Yaz waited patiently, scooping out the teabag and stirring in some milk.

“Ta da!” Jo brandished a brand new pack of custard creams under Yaz's nose.

“So, adding sugar to the caffeine?”

“A good cup of tea and a custard cream. One of life's finer pleasures.”

“I don't see how I can say no to that,” Yaz admitted, looking past Jo's shoulder and laughing aloud. “Just how many packs of these do you have?”

Jo pulled a face. “You can never have too many biscuits.”

* * *

And so they worked out an informal routine; sometimes, they would cycle into work together; sometimes, Jo would offer Yaz biscuits. Yaz realised she wasn't offering much in return, so one afternoon she reminded Jo of their plans to run together.

“How could I forget!” Jo slapped a palm to her forehead and Yaz laughed at her slapstick exaggeration. “Tomorrow? Shall we go after work?”

“Sure, why not,” said Yaz, remembering that Kate was working nights again. “We can start and finish here?”

The next day, Yaz found herself looking forward to their extra-curricular plans. She let the day pass her by, already planning the route she'd take them on. A gentle 5k to test her ankle and let Jo get back into the swing of things. When she met the other woman outside the gym at the allotted time of 4 o'clock, she couldn't help but smile at the bright colours she was wearing, even by normal running gear standards. A rainbow striped running top completed the look and was somehow completely and utterly _her_.

“Yaz! I've been warming up, ready and raring to go. Take it easy on me though, okay?” She jogged on the spot, and Yaz could sense an undercurrent of nervous energy. She did her best to put Jo at ease.

“Nothing too tough, I promise. That's for next week,” she grinned. “My ankle is still a bit dodgy, so I thought we could try something nice and easy?”

It turned out that Jo didn't really do nice and easy. She was competitive, chatted constantly, and, despite her unusual running technique, didn't trip or stumble once. She gave Yaz a run for her money – literally.

As they returned to the school, Yaz realised she'd barely said a word the entire run, content to listen to Jo talk about whatever popped into her head. It was oddly relaxing and she hadn't even thought about her ankle, or the numerous other things that were bothering her. Running always tended to make her feel light and free afterwards, but she felt especially buoyed after this one.

“That was awesome! Thanks, Yaz. And sorry for talking your ear off.” Jo pushed open the door to the gym changing rooms. One of the perks of being a PE teacher was that Yaz held the keys to the shower room, and could use it whenever she needed to.

Their voices echoed in the empty space. She turned her back to Jo, starting to shrug out of her running clothes as gracefully as she could and covering the exposed skin with her towel. She had this down to a fine art after several years of communal changing rooms, but apparently Jo did not. Either that, or she simply didn't mind stripping in front of Yaz, who blushed when she turned and saw swathes of creamy skin on show.

_Shit._

There was always a slight awkwardness when something like this happened. Most people knew that Yaz was gay, but she was pretty sure Jo had no idea. They hadn't really broached the subject of their love lives, which seemed too off limits given how little they still knew about one another. Yaz didn't know if it made people uncomfortable to share a changing room with someone who was attracted to the same gender. And she had very little confidence about her own body, so all of these thoughts compounded into one awkward bundle of nerves that she struggled to dispel when faced, quite bluntly, with the naked body of someone she found attractive.

_Double shit._

Luckily, Jo didn't seem to notice the meltdown Yaz was having and she picked up her towel, heading into the shower cubicle and leaving Yaz to her panic. When she started to hum to a tune of her own design, the notes drifting out and across the sound of running water, it finally dawned on Yaz that she might actually be slightly screwed.


	8. A house party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy the long weekend (if you have one), the sunny weather (if you have it), or, at the very least, this next chapter :)

Yaz blew the whistle, hard, before jogging over to the girl on the ground. The class had gathered around in a hushed circle, with one girl in particular looking mortified.

“Give us some space,” said Yaz, squeezing through the circle that had formed. She winced at the sight of blood on the girl's face, from either a broken nose or a split lip.

“I didn't mean to, Miss,” said the mortified girl, who Yaz tried to reassure with a smile.

“It's alright, Jess. Just an accident. I think we can stop for the day, so go and get changed and I'll see you all after half-term.” Yaz dismissed the class, focusing on the girl on the floor. She squatted next to her, putting what she hoped was a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

“Ah, don't worry, Sam,” she murmured. “Just a bit of blood. Do you feel alright?”

The girl groaned and Yaz felt her heart go out to her.

“Come on, I think we'll go and see the nurse.” 

* * *

After depositing Sam in the hands of Nurse Jackson – a lovely woman who she, luckily, didn't have to see very often – Yaz wandered through the quiet halls. Classes weren't due to finish for another ten minutes, and she found herself in a part of the school she'd never visited before. Her ear was drawn by a gentle murmur coming from one particular classroom, the door of which was open.

Yaz looked at the students' work lining the walls as she strolled towards the room in question. Many of the pieces on the wall were about Shakespeare, or poetry, and she realised she had wandered into the English department. Two seconds later, she reached the open door, and Jo's classroom. _Of course it would be hers_.

Yaz hung back, but watched from a distance as Jo spoke to her class. She stood at the front of the room, almost commanding it, her legs spread slightly. When she finished asking her question, she put her hands on her hips as she waited for the student to finish answering.

“Interesting point, Jack. I'd argue that Cordelia's sisters are more villainous than we'd consider typical of Shakespeare's normal female characters. They are arrogant, while she is pure and dignified. Which makes her banishment all the more painful.”

Yaz was sure she wasn't imagining the hint of sadness that passed over Jo's face as she continued to speak.

“The relationship between Cordelia and her father is, ultimately, tragic. Her integrity dooms her.”

She turned, then, and Yaz felt like a rabbit in the headlights. She relaxed when Jo smiled softly at her, then held up a finger as if asking her to wait.

Yaz tuned out the words that followed, watching Jo speak instead. She used her hands to drive her point home, and Yaz's eyes were drawn to her forearms, which were exposed by rolled-up sleeves. She let herself think about the body underneath the clothes, the body she had seen in the shower room, and she felt warmth flood her own body.

“So, make sure to write me lots of interesting things over half-term and I look forward to reading them when I see you next,” said Jo, clearly ending the class. There was general hubbub, but it was quiet, as if the students were reluctant to pack their things away. Yaz was surprised to see several of them thanking Jo on the way out, or wishing her a nice half-term break.

Finally, the last of the students left the room and Yaz entered it.

“Hey, Yaz,” Jo smiled. “How are you?”

“Good, thanks. You?”

Jo nodded. “Great, now.”

There was a beat.

“So, er, since you're new and all. To the area. I wondered if you wanted to come to a house party next week? The other PE teacher, Ryan, he's having it.”

Yaz winced at the mincemeat she'd made of that suggestion, but Jo didn't seem to notice her awkward wording.

“I'd love to. When is it? Where is it?”

“It's probably easiest if I text you the details, he's not set the date yet and it'll be during half term.”

“Oh, I see. Is this your way of getting my number?”

Yaz was horrified and her face obviously gave the game away. Thankfully, Jo took pity on her.

“I'm just joking, Yaz. Here, give me your phone.”

Yaz dug into her pocket, flustered, and thrust her phone in Jo's direction, ignoring the tingle she felt when their fingers brushed. That seemed to happen whenever they made even the most innocent contact.

She watched Jo hold her phone like it was made of glass, her thumbs typing rapidly. Even the way she held a phone was cute. _For god's sake_.

“There. Just let me know where to be, and I'll come find you.” She regarded Yaz carefully as she handed back her phone, and Yaz received it gratefully, treating it with great care now that it contained Jo's number. It was odd how storing a string of numbers felt like owning treasure. It carried with it a certain weight of responsibility; that Yaz would message her about the party, because Jo didn't have Yaz's number, but also that Yaz might be able to message her about anything. It was like a door that she could open when she chose to, but she had to have her reasons. There was an element of trust in gifting somebody your phone number.

“So, I'll see you next week?” Jo smiled, tidying her things away.

“Definitely.”

* * *

When Ryan finally chose a date and time, Yaz pinged off a message to Jo that she hoped seemed casual but had actually taken her five minutes to draft. When she looked back on it later, she had to laugh at how much she'd over-thought the whole thing. She'd texted Ryan's address, the time it started, and asked if Jo knew how to get there. Of course she would – everyone had Google maps. So when Jo replied, asking if they wanted to travel there together, Yaz's heart leapt slightly.

Conveniently, and to Yaz's immense relief, Kate had to work a night shift on the day of the party. She was incredibly disappointed to miss out on a social opportunity, and, Yaz suspected, a chance to meet Jo.

“Have fun, babe,” she'd said, kissing Yaz on the cheek before she left for her shift. “Don't do anything I wouldn't do!”

And so, when 8pm rolled around, Yaz was waiting outside of Jo's flat block. She pressed the buzzer, fidgeting slightly as she waited for Jo to answer. There was nothing – only the sound of the downstairs door buzzer letting her know it had been unlocked from above.

As she entered the shared hallway, she heard Jo call from up the stairs.

“Flat 3! Let yourself in.”

As she did just that, Yaz was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that Jo had. Literally every nook and cranny was jam-packed with dog-eared books, trinkets, photographs, candles, the lot. An incense stick was sending wisps of grey smoke into the room, and the scent was soothing. But no sign of the other woman.

She called out.

“Jo?”

A voice came from down the hall leading from the living room.

“Just finishing getting ready, sorry to be so late. Make yourself at home, I won't be a minute.”

_Well, since she said it was okay..._

Yaz poked around the living room, running her fingers along the spines of the hundreds of books Jo had in her possession. She recognised many of the titles, although some were a bit more obscure. They were a complete mix of genres, and Yaz was surprised to see some in French and German.

“Would you like a drink?” Jo's voice drifted from down the hall. She was apparently in either her bedroom or the bathroom.

“I'm not really a big drinker,” Yaz called back.

Jo's head poked out from one of the doorways.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, just...habit, I guess. My family are fairly observant.”

Jo nodded. “Sorry, I didn't even think about that. You haven't really mentioned your family. Are you close?”

Yaz nodded, realising that Jo had stopped getting ready so they could chat. “Yeah, pretty close. But carry on, I don't want to distract you.”

Jo grinned. “Not a distraction, Yaz.” She disappeared for a second, and Yaz heard the sound of a drawer closing. When Jo re-emerged from the room, Yaz's breath caught when she saw what she was wearing. Black skinny jeans that clung to her legs as if they were painted on, and a white band T-shirt that showed off her surprisingly toned arms.

“I know, I'm not sure why it took so long to get ready when I'm dressed this scruffily,” Jo muttered, gesturing to her T-shirt when Yaz didn't say anything.

“You look...nice,” Yaz finally murmured. Somehow, seeing Jo like this was even more attractive than the brief glimpse she'd had of her in the shower room.

Jo smiled. “It's brilliant to be out of work outfits, for once.”

“The benefits of being a PE teacher – any excuse to wear gym clothes,” said Yaz, thanking her brain for finally stepping in and making normal conversation.

Jo wandered to the kitchen, putting on the kettle and taking a sip of wine from a glass that was already sitting out. “So, your family, they live here?”

“Yeah, not far from here, actually. Kind of in between where you and I live, now that you mention it.” Yaz watched as Jo started to make her a cup of tea, as if they had all the time in the world and weren't, in fact, running late. Not that it really mattered, she supposed – house parties never started on time and Ryan wouldn't mind.

They got so caught up in talking, though, that he eventually texted Yaz at 9:30 to ask where they were.

“Oh! We're a bit late,” she said, getting to her feet. This kept happening when she was with Jo – time seemed to disappear, and yet there was never enough of it.

“Whoops, that'll be me chattering on again,” said Jo.

“I like it,” Yaz said. “You're very easy to talk to.”

“Well, I...thanks, Yaz. That's a lovely compliment.”

Jo grinned at her, collecting their glasses and leaving them in the sink. She selected a leather jacket from a hook by the door and Yaz's eyes felt like they'd fallen out of her head once she put it on. Jo definitely pinged.

Jo opened the front door and beckoned Yaz through it. “Come on, then. Let's get a shift on!”

* * *

It turned out that Jo was a natural entertainer and a brilliant party guest. Yaz was practically glued to her side all night. But on one of the rare occasions that she wasn't, Ryan sidled up to her, sensing an opportunity.

“Alright, stranger? I haven't spoken to you all evening.” He didn't seem too offended, Yaz was relieved to note, but she realised she was being a terrible friend.

“Yeah, sorry about that,” she said, having the good grace to feel embarrassed.

“It's okay, you know,” he replied. “It's nice to see you having such a good time.” He looked across the room, to where Jo was telling some kind of funny story that had several other people in stitches.

“She's a right laugh. Breath of fresh air.”

“She is, isn't she?” Yaz smiled as she watched, too. She didn't notice Ryan turn his attention to her.

“Do you like her?” he asked, beer making him blunter than usual.

“Pfft. No! Not like that,” Yaz denied immediately, tearing her eyes away. “Besides, I'm with Kate.”

“I know, I know. It's just...I haven't seen you this happy in a while.”

Yaz frowned. “Really? Things have been a bit rubbish lately, I suppose.”

“And why's that?” Ryan asked, genuinely curious.

“Honestly? I'm not sure. I'm still working on it.”

Ryan pulled her into a sideways hug when he saw her forlorn expression.

“Don't think too hard, okay? Life is short. Do what you think will make you happy. And if it doesn't, try the next thing.”

“Since when did you turn into Yoda?” Yaz giggled, but she had to admit that he had a point. She had a tendency to over-think things.

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Just trying to help my friend. Trust me on this one. I like it when you're happy. It's in my best interests, too.”

Yaz pushed off from the counter and pulled him into a proper hug. “You're a big softie, you know that?” she murmured into his shoulder. She sighed as she felt him rest a hand on her shoulder, taking comfort from the hug.

“Yeah, but don't tell Kara that. She thinks I'm a tough guy,” Ryan laughed, and Yaz laughed, too, knowing that Ryan was still crazy about a girl at his gym. Who just so happened to be at the party, casting a sideways glance at their close contact.

“She's watching us, you know.”

“Yeah?” Ryan tried not to sound too excited but Yaz saw straight through him.

“Want me to be your wing man?” She couldn't help but laugh at his expression.

“Have I told you how much I appreciate your friendship recently?” Ryan grinned.

* * *

When Yaz finally made it home at 3am, she was surprised to see that Kate's keys were on the table by the door. She checked her phone – no messages – and surmised that her shift must have finished early. Rather than waking her up, Yaz opted to crash on the sofa. She fancied a bit of space to think and knew that sleep wasn't going to come easily; and she didn't want to risk disturbing Kate.

She tugged a blanket down from the back of the sofa, fluffing up a cushion to rest under her head. Her mind was buzzing with snippets of conversation, glances and casual touches, and random memories of Jo's flat. _Information overload_.

Yaz sighed, resting her hands on her chest as she focused on her breathing. Was she happy? And if not, why not? Her thoughts drifted to the woman in the other room. She loved Kate, she really did. But, if she was brutally honest with herself – and she forced herself to be, with the promise that she would bury it again afterwards – she wasn't entirely sure that Kate made her happy, anymore.

Not that happiness should have been dependent on another person. Maybe it was her job, grinding her down. But having made friends with Jo at school, her days passed a lot more pleasantly.

That couldn't be it though – she was friends with Ryan, and he'd been at the school the same length of time that she had. What had happened to prompt these feelings?

Yaz cast her mind back to that first day of term, the first time she had seen Jo in the bike sheds. And then, with a sinking feeling in her stomach, she knew. That was the moment that things had changed.


	9. A complication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I wrote this slightly angsty chapter in a lovely sunny park. Felt a bit odd. Intrigued to see what you guys make of this one, because it was a tricky one to write and probably not very nice to read! (Sorry!)

Yaz woke to the smell of coffee. She cracked open an eye to see Kate in her dressing gown, pottering quietly in the kitchen.   
  
"Hey," she murmured, voice still rough with sleep.  
  
Kate turned at the sound of Yaz's voice but didn't come any closer. Instead, she folded her arms across her chest.   
  
"Hey, night owl. Did you have a good time?" She smiled but Yaz could tell, instantly, that something was off. Nerves fluttered to life in her stomach and she tried to tamp them down; after all, she'd done nothing wrong. Technically.  
  
"Yeah, it was good thanks. Did you finish early?"  
  
Kate nodded, sighing as she set an arm free to pick up her mug and take a sip of coffee.   
  
"I didn't feel too great, so Nick offered to cover for me."  
  
Yaz sat up. It was rare for Kate to feel unwell, never mind leave work early. Even half-awake, she was concerned.  
  
"What happened? Are you okay?"  
  
Ignoring the sense of foreboding that had settled over her since she'd awoken, Yaz got to her feet and joined Kate by the kettle.   
  
"Just felt a bit out of sorts," Kate said, vaguely.  
  
"How about now?" Yaz prompted. She might have been reading too much into things, but Kate did seem a bit subdued.   
  
"Better, now I've seen you. When I woke up and you weren't there, I got worried."  
  
"Ah, sorry. I didn't want to wake you. Got back at three, in the end."  
  
Yaz busied herself making her own coffee. She noted that Kate hadn't offered to make her one, which wasn't like her.   
  
"I feel like I haven't seen you properly in ages, Yaz."  
  
Yaz stopped, mid-task.   
  
"How do you mean? I've been here all week," she laughed lightly. The nerves gave another flutter, as if warning her that things were still not quite right.   
  
"You just seem distant, that's all. I really miss you. I miss feeling you," Kate murmured, closing the distance between them.   
  
Yaz inhaled sharply as she felt soft breasts press against her own. She tentatively rested her hands on the familiar shape of Kate's hips, breathing in and letting the contact settle her nerves. She realised she hadn't actually touched Kate in a couple of weeks, nothing more than casual touches at most. A stab of guilt speared her and she pulled Kate closer.   
  
"Is it something I said? I freaked you out, talking about marriage, didn't I?"  
  
Yaz shook her head.   
  
"It's not that."  
  
"Then what is it? Tell me, please."  
  
"I-"  
  
Yaz's phone rang out.   
  
Both of them looked towards the sudden noise, the tension broken.  _Saved by the bell._  
  
"Hold that thought," said Yaz, walking back towards the sofa.   
  
"Is there someone else?" Kate blurted out. Yaz span on her heel, shocked, phone in hand as she muted it.   
  
"Just an alarm," she said, dropping the phone back to the couch cushions.  _Like the alarm that's ringing inside my head right now._  
  
"That didn't really answer my question," Kate said, her eyes full of something more akin to rage. It stirred similar emotions in Yaz, who was generally slow to anger - but Kate knew how to push her buttons. For one, she hated when Kate persisted with a line of questioning. It felt like an interrogation.  
  
"That's your first thought? Do you trust me that little?" Yaz couldn't help but be slightly offended at the lack of trust, and rattled by how accurate Kate had been. "I'm not your ex."  
  
"No, you're not. But I know you. And you're not yourself."  
  
"I don't have time for this," Yaz snapped, rescuing her phone from the sofa and heading for the bedroom. "I have five-a-side this morning. I'll see you afterwards."  
  
"So that's it, you're just going to run away?" Kate's words sounded broken, delivered haltingly. Yaz realised she was trying not to cry.   
  
"I'm not running, Kate. Please, just trust me?"  
  
"Then stay. Don't go." Kate had wrapped her arms around herself again and Yaz found herself torn between getting some space, or wrapping her own arms around her girlfriend, trying to comfort her as best she could. So many emotions were warring for her attention that she didn't know what to do. She settled for the middle ground and stayed put.  
  
"I just - I need a bit of space. That's all. I need to have a life, Kate."  
  
"But not with me, is that it?"  
  
Yaz tried not to sigh. Sometimes Kate was too good at reading her. Part of her knew she should walk away, make the point that she had a life and hobbies outside of their relationship. But the other part of her, the part that loved Kate, couldn't in good consience leave her upset. As hard as it was to ignore the anger bubbling inside of her, Yaz channelled it into something else.   
  
Yaz stalked back across the room, taking Kate by surprise. She regained the upper hand by doing the only thing she knew to do to take control of the situation: she looked Kate in the eye, tugging the belt of her dressing gown loose without a word.   
  
Kate gasped and nodded slightly, giving Yaz the permission she needed. Yaz slid her hands under Kate's backside, deftly lifting her onto the kitchen counter and shoving the milk to one side without a second thought.   
  
"You want me?" She asked, capturing Kate's lips in a kiss that was almost brutal. "You have me."  
  
Yaz let her body take over as she gave Kate what she wanted, switching off her mind as best she could. She let her hand drift down the warm skin of Kate's stomach, and in between her legs, delighting in the gasp that Kate let out when her fingers made contact with warm wetness.   
  
She pulled back to look Kate in the eye.   
  
"You want this?" She panted, teasing her with her fingers.   
  
Kate nodded, eyes slamming shut as Yaz slid two fingers inside without ceremony, possessive and exacting. They had never fucked like this before and Yaz wondered if they would again. Kate's breathing was loud in her ear, her moans fuelling a fire that had started to burn low in Yaz's belly.  
  
She revelled in the feel of Kate falling to pieces beneath her, almost vindictively. In the background, she heard her phone chime with an incoming text message, and her mind instantly jumped to Jo, wondering if she had texted. The thought of her fanned the flames, sending a spike of intense arousal through Yaz. It just wasn't fair, how her brain could do something so cruel at a time like this. She supposed this was what happened when you let baser instincts take over.  
  
Yaz hadn't let herself think of Jo in a sexual way but now she dominated every brain cell, which didn't seem appropriate in the slightest. Yaz was powerless to resist. She wondered about the noises Jo made when she was close, the way her skin would feel, the taste of her. Yaz faltered slightly, her knees feeling weak at the thought, returning to reality only when Kate started to groan in her ear.   
  
Yaz redoubled her efforts, targeting that one particular spot that never failed to make Kate come, pumping her fingers harder and faster to get the other woman to the brink and push her over.   
  
There was a sense of urgent desperation to this, Yaz realised, almost methodical; detached, and yet somehow incredibly intimate. The emotions it stirred inside of her were hard to define, and they didn't sit comfortably.  
  
"Come for me," she urged, circling Kate's clit with her thumb.  
  
She got her wish moments later, sighing with relief as Kate tensed around her and bit into the fabric of her T-shirt as she climaxed suddenly. Slowly, Yaz withdrew her fingers, leaving a gentle kiss on Kate's forehead. She didn't know what to say; her thoughts were in turmoil, added to which she was incredibly turned on. But she couldn't handle the thought of Kate touching her like that. Not with another woman on her mind. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to shower, feeling dirty.  
  
"Are you-"  
  
"I'm just gonna shower," Yaz said, pasting on a smile. "I'm alright. Maybe later?"   
  
If Kate was disappointed, she hid it well.   
  
As soon as she shut the bathroom door, Yaz rested her head against it and closed her eyes.  _What a fucking mess_.   
  
She busied herself with her shower ritual, adjusting the temperature of the water just so, but refusing to look at herself in the mirror as she walked past it. She was scared at what she would see in the reflection. It felt like she was just about holding it together, but as soon as she stood under the stream of water, Yaz caved completely.   
  
She let her hand roam without restraint, briefly caressing the skin of her breasts before venturing between her legs. She imagined it wasn't her own hand, but that of Jo, touching her with such care and affection that Yaz felt overwhelmed. The visual her brain conjured up was incredibly effective and she came, fast, shocked at the speed of it. Then, she burst into tears. 


	10. A development

When Yaz worked up the nerve to check her phone, she deflated when she saw the message wasn't from Jo, but from Ryan. Apparently, he'd pulled.

Yaz tutted as she tucked the phone into her jeans pocket, disappointed that Jo hadn't texted after all – and annoyed at herself, for feeling that way. Why should Jo text, anyway? It was just a house party. How was Jo to know that it had been the most fun Yaz had had in a long, long time?

She heard Kate opening drawers in the bedroom. A shiver of guilt and nausea wracked her when she realised what she'd been thinking. Never mind that she's touched herself thinking of another woman less than half an hour ago. Yaz let her legs fold, collapsing onto the sofa as she felt her resolve crumble. This just wouldn't do. She couldn't face Kate, not now. Retrieving her phone, she texted the one person who would set her straight.

* * *

“Come in, love,” said Najia, opening the door in her apron. “Did you forget your keys?” 

“Yeah, must've,” Yaz mumbled, distractedly. She didn't really remember the journey to her parents' house, only that she had felt such an oppressive sense of claustrophobia that she'd grabbed her jacket and house keys, and ran. She'd texted Kate just after she left, letting her know where she'd gone, and Kate had replied like she normally would. But Yaz knew the charade couldn't be sustained for much longer, or she'd implode.

So, she found herself in her mum's kitchen, drinking chai and watching her bake. There was always something soothing about watching her mum in the kitchen. Her fondest memories from childhood were of spending time in the kitchen with her mum and other female relatives; now, it was only Sonya and her nani who occasionally popped in, the others having distanced themselves following Yaz's rather traumatic outing among extended relatives.

Still, her mum never changed, so that was something.

“What's happened?” she asked, knowing instantly why Yaz had popped round. Yaz ran her thumb around the rim of her mug, unsure where to begin.

“Nobody else is in, by the way. You don't have to worry about your sister listening in.” 

Yaz smiled a little at that. Her sister had a tendency to eavesdrop.

“Where's dad?"

“Watching the football next door,” Najia sighed. “So we won't see him for a while. Now, come on. Out with it, Yasmin. I can see something is bothering you.”

“Mum...did you ever, you know...like anyone else? Other than dad? While you were with dad?” The words were hard to speak aloud and Yaz knew she'd worded things clumsily when Najia stopped what she was doing and fixed her with a look.

“How do you mean? From afar, or actually get involved with?”

Yaz shrugged. “Either, I suppose.”

“Yasmin Khan,” Najia tutted, “don't tell me you've done something you shouldn't have?”

The look of disapproval on her face set Yaz on the defensive.

“No! Not really, anyway. Just – I keep thinking about someone. Someone that's not Kate.”

Najia put down her rolling pin, dusting her hands off on her apron, and poured them both some more tea. Then, she settled at the table, effectively abandoning her baking altogether.

“What's happened, love?”

And so, for the first time in weeks, Yaz let herself speak freely. She spoke about Jo, how infectious her enthusiasm for life was, how she made her days so much brighter. How things had been difficult with Kate, and how her thoughts had started to wander. How Kate had proposed.

“She what?”

Najia just barely avoided spilling her tea.

“She told me to think about it. But I don't know if it's what I want, mum.”

Najia sighed.

“Marriage is a huge commitment, Yasmin. It is a true test of a relationship. Your dad drives me up the wall. But I love him, and that has never been in doubt. We promised we would look after one another, and you can't share that kind of promise if one of you isn't truly invested in it.”

She looked at Yaz sympathetically. “The way you speak about this woman. Jo. Your eyes light up. You relax. She seems like a good person?”

“The best,” Yaz said, smiling as she thought of her.

“And Kate is a good person, too. So don't hurt her. She deserves that much. Even if Jo did feel the same way about you, the fact that you're clearly smitten with someone else doesn't leave your relationship with Kate on steady ground. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

Yaz ducked her head. She hadn't let herself even think about the possibility of pursuing anything with Jo. And, as her mum had rightly pointed out, Jo might not even feel the same way about her.

“But what should I do? We live together.” Yaz mentally cursed herself for thinking of the least important thing at that moment in time. Logistics were about the only thing she could contemplate. Thinking of how she was going to end her relationship was too daunting.

“There's always a room for you here, Yasmin,” Najia said, reaching out for one of Yaz's hands. “These kinds of situations are messy, and painful. But I know you can do the right thing. Please, do the right thing.”

Yaz sighed, leaning back in her chair. “She's going to hate me.”

Najia nodded. “Probably. But be brave, my girl. And be careful.”

* * *

But when Yaz returned home it was to a note from Kate, saying that she'd be at the hospital until Monday so that she could return the favour and cover someone else's shift. Yaz sighed, relieved that she didn't have to imminently navigate a breakup. It gave her time to get her thoughts straight, at least. But the prospect was looming on the horizon, and it did nothing to quell the nausea in her stomach.

They passed like ships in the night on Monday morning, when Yaz had to return to school. She was actually slightly relieved to have the excuse of a routine to get out of the house. But the other part of her felt nervous about what would happen when she saw Jo. After all, that shower incident had been eye-opening to say the least, and her mum was right – she was smitten.

So, Yaz took a different route to work. Distance was needed. How could she figure out how to end things with Kate if someone else was in her thoughts all the damn time? It was infuriating, and not helpful. Yaz was ruminating on this as she chained up her bike in the sheds, completely oblivious to her surroundings.

“Penny for 'em?”

_Speak of the devil._

Yaz wasn't quite ready to deal with this particular situation yet. The fact that Jo had used one of Kate's trademark sayings instantly set her on the back foot.

“Hey,” she muttered, fumbling with the padlock. When no more conversation was forthcoming, Jo opted to fill the silence.

“So, I had a great time on Friday! Thank you for inviting me, it was nice to make some new friends. Even ended up with someone's number!”

Yaz felt a lump in her throat.

“You-”

“Yeah, who'd have thought it! Socially awkward me made a friend.”

Yaz swallowed, hard. Of course she had. Jo was magnetic. She was particularly effervescent this morning, and Yaz wondered if it was because she'd spent the weekend with someone else. Texting someone else. Kissing someone else. How had she missed that happening at the party? Why had she taken her in the first place? She wanted to keep Jo all to herself. This odd jealousy really wasn't helping the chaos in Yaz's mind.

“That's...nice.”

Jo frowned. “Are you okay, Yaz? You seem a bit quiet.”

“Yeah, I-I'm sorry, I just have to go.” She waved half-heartedly as she walked towards her office, wondering how on earth she had got herself into this situation.

And so, Yaz spent the rest of the week actively avoiding Jo. She told herself it was so she could focus on her own issues, so that she could dismantle her relationship carefully and without causing too much damage to either party, because she was planning on ending things at the weekend. But deep down, she knew she was seeing green. The thought of Jo with someone else caused a visceral response and was too unpleasant to contemplate, so the easiest solution was to avoid her altogether.

When Thursday evening rolled around, and she had managed to successfully avoid Jo for three days, she received a text. Despite her best intentions, her heart rate picked up when she saw who it was from.

_Yaz! Don't be a stranger. Want to see a movie with me?_

Yaz scoffed a little.

_Why don't you take your new friend?_

Three dots appeared almost instantly. At least Jo wasn't the type to play silly games. But Yaz winced when she realised what she'd typed. It looked so petty. 

_Who?_

Yaz rolled her eyes.

_From the party._

Three dots.

_Oh her_! 

Yaz's stomach did a flip-flop. 

_I just wanted to see you. We haven't seen each other all week. I miss my friend!_

Yaz felt tears blur her vision, and shoved her phone back in her pocket while she carried on making dinner. It wouldn't do to act rashly. Who was she kidding, thinking that she could end one relationship and waltz straight into another? They were friends. That was all. 

After a few minutes, she'd finished chopping and pulled herself together. Jo had texted a couple of times in the intervening minutes, which made Yaz laugh a bit at her impatience.

_Ok, ok. Tomorrow?_

_You make it sound like I'm twisting your arm, Yaz. I'll see you at the gates._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know where this was going? I tell you what, I didn't. Yesterday's chapter flipped this whole story on its head. And yes, I'm still writing this instead of revising 😂


	11. An ending

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of fluff before we board the angst train - I hope you guys are ready....  
> Also! Please check out this amazing picture ghost_tits drew of these characters in their bike helmets, it is amazing and wonderful and my new favourite thing 🙂  
> http://highwaytohell-a.tumblr.com/post/184349740980/did-a-small-sketch-of-thasmin-in-bike-helmets-for  
> And one final thing, if you ever want to talk about this fic or life in general, come find me on Tumblr at maglex 👍

_November_

 

* * *

Jo was waiting for Yaz when she made it to the school gates the following afternoon. Her back was to the exit, so Yaz took the opportunity to gather her wits about her, and watched for a moment as several students stopped to chat with Jo. She was clearly a popular teacher, and Yaz couldn't help but acknowledge she really was a special individual. She knew of very few teachers who made that kind of impression. As the final student waved goodbye, Yaz took a deep breath and walked up to the other woman, tapping her on the shoulder. 

“There you are,” Jo beamed as she turned around, and Yaz was immediately drawn to the rainbow scarf around her neck. It was very in keeping with her unique style. Yaz smiled back, unable to resist, and zipped up her coat as the wind picked up around them. 

“Bit nippy, isn't it?” Jo commented. 

“Sorry, were you waiting long?” Yaz asked, wary that she'd been late. But Jo hadn't really specified a time, just a vague 'after school'. 

“Not at all. I just realised, we should probably get something to eat or we'll be hungry all through the film. What do you reckon?” 

Yaz had completely lost her appetite in recent days. Her self-imposed breakup deadline was looming, and she'd agreed to spend time with Jo as a form of distraction - albeit a confusing one.

“What were you thinking?” she asked, unwilling to commit to an answer.

“Well, after a day as long as today has felt, I think I could do with some ice cream.” 

“What? It's freezing!” Yaz laughed, unable to help herself. Jo always surprised her.

“Go on, live a little. Dessert for dinner. It'll be fun!” 

“I guess,” Yaz agreed, belatedly realising she hadn't told Kate she was going out after work. “I just need to send a text and then I'm good to go.” 

Jo waited while she composed the message, dramatically turning her head the other way so as not to look. When Yaz looked up and realised what Jo was doing, she laughed again. 

“What're you doing that for?” 

“Wouldn't want you to think I was snooping,” Jo said. “Although I am going to ask you what's bothering you. Not now, though, in about half an hour, over an ice cream sundae.”

Yaz sighed. She had no idea what she would say to that, but she knew she couldn't be as upfront as she wanted so badly to be. The timing of this was all wrong, she thought; to any casual observer, what Jo had suggested they do that evening looked very much like a date. But then, maybe Yaz was reading way too much into it. It wouldn't be the first time, and now that Jo was apparently dating someone else, presumably that would have been the last thing on her mind. Yaz felt a wave of fresh disappointment wash over her and waited for it pass.  

“You're really not going to let that one drop, are you?” she finally said, as they walked towards the city centre. They'd both agreed in advance to leave their bikes and make the most of the fresh air at a more sedate pace than usual. But, Yaz realised, this gave Jo more time to talk things out of her. 

“No,” Jo shook her head, nudging Yaz with her shoulder. “But you know what, I don't want to make you uncomfortable. If you don't want to tell me today, that's okay. I just want you to know that you can talk to me. About anything.” 

_If only you knew what I really wanted to say._   

“I appreciate it, I really do. It's just a bit of a tricky time, right now." Yaz was proud of that answer - it kept Jo at just enough distance, without committing to anything. 

“Say no more,” Jo said, shoving her hands into her coat pockets. “I can talk about whatever you like.” 

They strolled for a few minutes and Jo kept unusually quiet, as if waiting for Yaz to speak first.  

“You should have considered a career as a therapist,” Yaz finally said, only half-joking. 

“Pah, me? I think my clients would leave after one session and never come back. I talk far too much.” 

“I dunno, I think it's one of the nicest things about you,” Yaz replied. “You're so easy to talk to.” 

Aware that she was verging into dangerous territory, she steered the conversation back onto safer ground. 

“So, where are we getting ice cream on this lovely November evening?” 

“I know just the place. Do you trust me?” 

Yaz thought it an odd question, but acceded nonetheless. She would trust Jo with anything, she realised. Not knowing what was coming was strangely fun, for someone who normally liked to be in control.  

"Brilliant. I promise, Yaz, you won't regret it."

* * *

Somehow, Jo had found a place Yaz had never heard of, despite being a local. It was a quaint 50s-style ice cream parlour, and it was empty.  _Of course it was_. Who would be so mad as to go for ice cream at 5pm on a freezing cold Thursday afternoon? 

“Oh my days, this is amazing,” Jo groaned as she licked her spoon. The noise and the sight alone were sinful, but together, they did things to Yaz that made her drop her own utensil. 

Styling it out, Yaz pushed her half-finished sundae to one side, protesting that she was full. 

“Really? Mind if I finish that for you?” Jo's face was almost childlike, her expression one of pure glee at the prospect of more ice cream. 

She ate so fast that Yaz was surprised she didn't make more of a mess. But apparently she herself had. Jo eventually abandoned the second empty dish, before frowning at Yaz.

“Wait a sec,” Jo murmured, reaching over suddenly, her hand outstretched towards Yaz's face. Yaz froze in place, her brain grinding to a halt as she felt Jo swipe her thumb lightly across the corner of her mouth.

“You had chocolate sauce  _just_  there,” she offered by way of explanation, before licking the digit clean. Yaz felt her jaw drop slightly at the sight. It felt strangely intimate, almost erotic, and she could feel the sensitive skin of her mouth tingle with warmth after the brief contact. Jo didn't seem to think anything of it, however, because she jumped to her feet a few seconds later.

“Shall we?”

Yaz nodded dumbly, urging her limbs into action. She was very glad they'd be sitting for the rest of the evening. 

They walked the remaining distance the the cinema fairly quickly, since the temperature had dropped even further.  

"Oh, wow," Jo said, rubbing her arms rapidly to warm up as they reached the entrance. "Sorry, Yaz," she grimaced when she turned and saw Yaz shivering. "I asked you to trust me and look what's happened, I've turned you into a human icicle!"  

Suddenly, her hands were on Yaz's arms, rubbing them briskly but gently to help warm her up.  

"There, better?" They were stood so close that Yaz could gaze into Jo's eyes for the first time. They were ancient eyes, full of experience and pain - but also alive, intelligent, practically dancing as they regarded Yaz. The light from the advertising billboards surrounded them in a hazy yellow glow that made Jo look almost alien. And beautiful.  _Always beautiful_. 

"Yeah," Yaz breathed. She realised she'd been staring a little too long and reluctantly pulled away. Just a friend, trying to keep her warm.  _As friends did. Right?_  The messages Jo was giving out were confusing to say the least. 

Jo pulled open the door, insisting that Yaz went first. They scrutinised the listings, much like Yaz and Kate had done only a few weeks previously.

“What do you fancy?” 

Yaz bit her lip at the innocent question.  

"No preference?" Jo was unperturbed by the lack of a response. "Honestly, you should choose. Preferably something that will make you happy."

Yaz couldn't help but draw parallels with the real-life choices that were about to face her. What was going to happen when she ended things with Kate? Escapism seemed the best bet at times like these. 

"You know what? I fancy a horror."

Jo's eyes widened. "Really?" 

"Can't handle a little scare?" 

"No, no, of course I can," Jo blustered, and her protests cemented the decision for Yaz.  

"Well then, let's see how you handle A Quiet Place." 

It turned out Jo was not a fan of horror films at all, and Yaz would have felt a bit guilty if she hadn't been so distracted by the feel of Jo burrowing her head into her shoulder. The suspense the film built was absolutely brutal, but it proved the perfect distraction for Yaz. That, and the scent of Jo's perfume as it lingered long after she had moved her head away.  

She tried to keep still as she felt Jo's hand clamp onto her bicep, squeezing in fright.  

"Are you okay?" Yaz whispered, turning to look at the other woman.  

"All good. Just....mildly terrified." 

Yaz watched Jo wince at the screen in anticipation.  

"We don't have to watch the rest, we can leave," she offered, finally realising that she should at least give them the option. But Jo seemed disappointed at the suggestion.  

"No way. Just don't move, and I'll be fine."

Jo didn't remove her hand for the rest of the film. 

* * *

They had bade each other goodnight at the bus stop - with Yaz promising to text Jo when she got home to prove she hadn't been eaten by monsters - and Yaz was buzzing by the time she opened her front door.  

Her mood dissipated as soon as she realised she'd fucked up. 

Kate was sitting at the kitchen table, apparently working her way through a bottle of wine. There were plates of food sitting out, untouched, and several candles were flickering softly but seemed to have burned quite low since they'd first been lit. 

"What-" Yaz's jaw dropped.  

"There you are," Kate laughed, but the sound was unhappy.  

"Did I miss something?" Yaz was genuinely at a loss, confused at what she'd walked into.  

Kate took another swig of wine. 

"I have no idea where you've been."

Yaz frowned, rummaging in her pocket for her phone. "I texted you, I swear I did.." 

She trailed off as she unlocked the device and realised, with a sinking stomach, that she had forgotten to hit send. She'd been too distracted by Jo. She also realised she'd missed several calls and messages from Kate.  _Shit_.

"Oh god. I'm so sorry, I made plans to go out and I swear I thought I'd told you."

Kate downed the rest of her wine, then made her way over to where Yaz stood by the door.  

"Have fun?" She asked, and Yaz could smell the wine on her breath. It soured her stomach. 

And really, how could she answer that question? Whatever she said was going to annoy Kate. She opted for honesty.  

"Yeah, it was good," she muttered, shrugging off her jacket. The motion released the warmth trapped inside - and, along with it, the faint traces of Jo's perfume. 

"You smell like someone else," Kate said, bluntly. 

Yaz froze.  

"Really? Must have been someone on the bus."

She knew the lie was flimsy, as did Kate.  

"Yaz, we need to talk." 

"Yeah, we do," Yaz admitted. "But not now, hey? Maybe when you have a clearer head?" 

"No, we're talking right now. I want you to tell me what's been going on." Kate wobbled slightly, and Yaz sighed. This was not how she had been hoping to have this conversation.  

"Sit down," Kate said, flopping into the armchair. Yaz put some distance between them, perching on the edge of the sofa as if ready to take flight at any time. 

"I think we've changed, haven't we?" Kate sighed, and Yaz instantly thought back to their urgent encounter in the kitchen. It had been out of character for both of them; in the cold light of day, the urgency of it had been the symbolic dying breath of their relationship. 

"Yeah, I think we have. I think I have, if I'm honest," said Yaz, linking her fingers together and squeezing tight. 

"Do you even love me anymore?" Kate asked, leaning forward to look Yaz in the eye. She looked so hurt that Yaz felt her heart break. But it was just like Kate to pull that card on her at a time like this. Whether they loved one another mattered less to Yaz than whether they made each other happy. But given the mood Kate was in, Yaz realised she had to choose her words very carefully.  

"I do, Kate. I will always love you. But I think you can do so, so much better than me. Than this,” Yaz said, feeling utterly miserable as she realised what she'd said was true. Her confidence was at rock bottom, not helped by the fact that she was actively hurting someone who had done nothing wrong. 

"I don't know if I believe you, Yaz. It's like one morning, you woke up and a switch just flipped. What happened?"

Yaz remembered her mum's words. Kate deserved to know something of the truth, if not the whole truth - that would be like rubbing salt in the wound.  

"I think we want different things. You want to get married, maybe have kids, right? I don't. I'm sorry, I just really don't want that life." 

Kate laughed mirthlessly. 

"You mean you don't want commitment? And don't bring kids into this, we never discussed them."

Yaz grimaced. This conversation was not going how she'd imagined it. But she always knew it was going to be unpleasant, she just had to make it through to the other side without hurting Kate any more than she had to. And if that meant she'd take hurtful words in return, that was what she would do. 

"Okay. That's fair, we didn't plan that far ahead. But do you really see this going on for much longer?" 

"I did, actually," Kate snapped. "But you...you seem to have been killing time. Two years down the pan, just like that. And that's what you're going for? That's your reason?” There was a bite of anger to Kate's words, and Yaz let it wash over her. She knew what Kate was trying to get at - that there was someone else. But there wasn't, not really; just a one-sided crush on a woman who considered Yaz as a friend. It was pathetic, really. 

“Well, that's what I think, yeah.” Yaz almost whispered the words, wanting nothing more than for the conversation to be over so that she could curl up into a ball and hide. 

“You know what I think? I think you're lying. And I think you can get the hell out.”

Yaz was shocked at the undercurrent of vehemence. Kate was never normally so angry, and the wine was no doubt playing its part. But she knew better than to start a fight with someone she had clearly upset, badly. 

"Just let me get some things, okay?” She tried to placate Kate but the other woman ignored her, downing her wine instead. Yaz left the room as quickly as she could, heading for the bedroom.

As she stuffed some of her clothing in to a bag, adrenaline coursed through her veins. It made her anxious, and also lighter, as if a huge weight had been lifted. Already, Yaz knew she had done the right thing, as unpleasant as the conversation had been. She yanked her phone charger from the wall, wincing as she heard plates being handled none-too-gently in the kitchen.

When she re-emerged with her essentials, Kate was standing by the kitchen sink, her back to Yaz. She was gripping onto the counter so tightly that Yaz could see the muscles of her lower arms jumping. That same counter they had fucked against. The thought turned Yaz's stomach.

“I'll let you know when you can come and get the rest of your things,” Kate bit out, her voice cold, unfamiliar. Yaz had never seen her so upset, and it gave her goosebumps.

“I'm sorry,” she said, but the words sounded lame to her own ears. Ineffectual. 

Kate laughed bitterly.

“I suppose that'll have to do,” she said, finally turning to look at Yaz. The look of pain in her eyes was like a punch to the gut, and Yaz found herself taking a step towards her, subconsciously.

“Don't,” Kate barked. “Just...don't.”

Yaz nodded, accepting that she needed to give her some space, and closed the door gently behind her on the way out. The sound of Kate's sobs haunted her down the hallway and into the night.


	12. A pep talk

_One year previously_

Yaz held onto her aching sides as she tried to catch her breath, but couldn't help another burst of laughter as she watched Kate try to manoeuvre her way around the ice rink without running over several small children. She barely stayed upright herself, clinging onto the side of the barrier for dear life.

“What are you laughing at?" Kate shouted across the rink, trying hard not to laugh herself and failing miserably, then falling flat on her back as she hit a slippery patch.

“Kate!” Yaz shouted in alarm, pushing off from the side and skating as cautiously as she could to the woman on the ice.

“I'm fine, I'm fine,” Kate muttered, pushing herself up with sodden gloves. Yaz tried to crouch next to her, realising too late that trying to do so in ice skates was never a good idea. She joined Kate on the ice, and as soon as they looked at one another they both burst into even more laughter.

“What a pair we make,” Kate said, finally getting to her feet, and, unbelievably, getting Yaz to hers without further incident.

The motion brought them into close contact, and Yaz practically fell into Kate's arms as she was gently pulled upright, her skates sliding all over the place on the ice. Kate held her securely, though, making her feel safe.

“Yeah,” Yaz murmured, anchoring herself with a firm grip on Kate's waist. “We do.” Ignoring the families and children surrounding them, she chanced a brief kiss, no longer able to resist.

“Wanna get out of here and into something a bit less cold and solid?”

“Are you hitting on me?” Kate said, utterly charmed.

“When would I ever not?” Yaz asked, shaking her head. “You're gorgeous. And all mine.”

“You've got that right,” Kate murmured, catching Yaz at the side of the rink and leaving a lingering kiss that warmed Yaz right through, to the point where it felt like it could melt the ice around them.

* * *

_Present day_  

Yaz fingered Kate's gloves, which she'd picked up by mistake in her hurry to leave. She thought of their first time ice skating together – now their last time ice skating together – and how they had spent the rest of that night warming each other up. She remembered glimpses of Kate's skin, how she had felt, what they had done to each other. How sleep-deprived, and happy, she had been the next day.

Tossing the gloves back into the holdall, Yaz sat back down on the edge of her childhood bed. She gazed around the room with little interest, glancing over the familiar photographs and posters that covered the walls. She had good memories of this room; it was comforting to be here. But her mind was plagued by thoughts of the relationship she had just driven into the ground.

“Yasmin?” Her mum knocked at the door.

“Yeah, mum.” Her voice sounded flat, even to her own ears.

“Would you like some tea?”

Yaz was forever grateful that her mum didn't even attempt to enter the room. She knew she probably looked a right state; her eyes were raw from crying, and her head was banging. There was no way she would make it to work today, so she'd called in sick and asked Ryan to cover for her, offering very little information as to why she wouldn't be there.

“No thanks, mum,” Yaz sniffed, letting herself fall back onto the single bed and stare at the ceiling.

Her mum said something else but Yaz paid her no mind, her thoughts already drifting back to the night before. She had never seen Kate get so angry, and it scared her a little - how you thought you could know somebody, and then realise you didn't really know them that well at all.

She resolved that being single, at least for the time being, would be best for her state of mind.

Yaz closed her eyes, trying to relax. But random memories would pop into her head, unbidden, flashbacks to a date they'd been on, or a meal they'd eaten. Her mind was so busy that she had barely slept the night before, and she didn't want to contemplate eating. Simple functions that should have been easy to do, even pleasurable, just didn't seem achievable; instead, she felt empty, listless, and completely unmotivated to do anything but lie in bed.

She must have fallen asleep, however, because she woke to the sound of a text message.

_You didn't get eaten by monsters, did you?_

Yaz stared at Jo's message, her brain mulling over how to respond. If she hadn't been so obsessed, so fixated on the other woman, she would have sent that bloody text to Kate night. And if she'd sent that text, perhaps she and Kate wouldn't have had that awful conversation at the worst possible moment.

Talking to Jo had got her in this mess in the first place.

Yaz turned her phone off and shoved it in her bedside drawer, rolling away and tuning out the world.

* * *

The next time she woke up, somebody was in her room.

“What's wrong with you?” Sonya asked, nudging Yaz's foot.

"Piss off," Yaz sniped, groggy with too much sleep.

“Fat chance,” Sonya sing-songed, practically sitting on Yaz's feet at the end of the bed.

“Oi, get out of here,” Yaz protested, truly unhappy to have company.

“Nope. Not until you eat something. Then you'll really be all skin and bones and I'll be the fat one.”

Yaz frowned at her sister, before realising she was joking. She sighed.

“I'm not hungry, Sonya,” she complained, trying to tug the duvet over her head.

“Tough,” retorted her sister, pulling the sheets back. “You can't stay in here all night.”

“I can, and I will.”

Sonya rolled her eyes at Yaz's stubbornness. “Good thing you've got me to make you something then, eh? What'll it be? Tea and toast?”

Yaz looked at her properly then, sensing genuine kindness. Her sister truly surprised her sometimes.

“Yeah, okay,” she murmured, hoping she could at least wake up a bit more before the inevitable interrogation. “That would be nice.” 

As Sonya headed to the kitchen, Yaz wrapped her arms around her stomach, realising she was absolutely ravenous. She hadn't eaten since Jo had taken her for ice cream, which seemed like a very long time ago but had actually only been 24 hours previously. So much had changed in that time.

Sonya re-entered the room without fanfare, kicking the door shut behind her. She rested the cup of tea and plate of toast on Yaz's bedside table, sitting at Yaz's desk chair while she waited for Yaz to eat.

“Come on. Eat up, and then spill.”

Yaz rolled her eyes. “You don't want to know,” she said, starting to tear the toast into pieces. The butter was warm and greasy on her fingers, and she savoured the salt as she licked them clean.

“I do. I actually do. You never get like this,” Sonya said, watching Yaz play with her food.

“I don't think I've ever messed up this badly, before, that's why,” Yaz admitted, chewing. The more she ate, the more she came back to life. She took a sip of the tea, which was sweet and comforting.

“But what happened? Did you argue? If she's said anything to you, I swear-”

“No, no, nothing like that. Please,” Yaz urged her sister to sit back down. “I know you've never been a fan of Kate. But this was all me.”

“I dunno, Yaz. She was a bit controlling.”

“Perhaps.” Yaz had to admit her sister had a point. They had never seen eye-to-eye; Sonya had always thought Kate was a bit too stuck up for her own good.

“But she was good for me, you know?”

“Was she? When you got together, we barely saw you. Not that I'm complaining...” Sonya smiled, hoping to get a laugh out of her sister. It worked.

“I thought you'd have liked that,” Yaz smiled. The feeling was foreign. The muscles of her face ached, but the simple act of smiling seemed to help dissipate the tension she seemed to carry in every muscle.

“Yeah but look what's happened, now we're not going to be able to get rid of you.”

Yaz threw a pillow at her sister, delighting in the shriek she caused.

“You're lucky you're upset or this would turn into a full-on war,” Sonya warned, holding the pillow above her head. “Don't push me, though. I'm not against playing dirty.”

Yaz sighed as she put her empty dishes to the side. She bit the bullet.

“There was someone else.”

Sonya gasped, her eyes alight. “You what? Yaz!”

“Don't, okay? Nothing happened. It's just...she's like the best person I've ever met. All I want to do is spend time with her.”

“Aww, Yaz. When did you turn into such a sap?” Sonya held the pillow up in front of her face, anticipating another assault with soft furnishings.

“I dunno. I've never felt that way. About anyone.” She fidgeted with the edge of the sheets, unable to meet Sonya's eye.

The pillow was lowered; Sonya regarded her carefully.

“Not even Kate?” she asked, eyebrow raised.

Yaz shook her head, completely confused. It was like her whole world had been turned on its head. What she thought she knew, she didn't.

“What are you going to do about it?"

“Nothing,” Yaz sighed again. “She isn't interested. And I just ended a long-term relationship. There's no way I can start something new.”

“How do you know she isn't interested? I always wondered how you could tell. Like, with guys? Easy. Boys are so dumb, sometimes. Girls, though...girls are hard work.”

_Preach, sister_.

Yaz chuckled a little at her accurate description. “It's a very good point. But no, she's seeing someone else.”

“As were you, until today.”

Yaz shook her head. “No, I can just...tell. She's like this with everyone. We see each other all the time, and she always refers to me as a friend. She's way, way out of my league.”

“Bullshit, Yaz.” Sonya migrated back to the bed. “You are amazing, and clever, and funny, and beautiful – because hello, we share some genes, here – and anybody would be lucky to have you.”

“Not right now, they wouldn't,” Yaz said, feeling her face crumple. Her self-confidence was at an all-time low.

“Okay, but in a few weeks? You'll be back at'em. We'll find you someone worth your while."

Yaz sniffed, falling into the hug Sonya offered with relief. All she really wanted was Jo. Mixed in with that was a fresh sense of loss over Kate, completely confusing the issue. It took her a moment to realise what her sister had actually said.

“Wait, 'we'? Did you just offer to come out with me?” She mumbled into her shoulder.

“Yes, but don't tell anyone. I'm serious. My street cred would drop, significantly.”

Yaz laughed a little, reaching for a tissue to dry her tears.

“I love you, you know,” she said, suddenly so very glad she had a sister at times like these.

“Ditto. And I think I just earned my sister points for the next year,” Sonya said, getting up and heading for the door. “Put in a good word with mum for me, will you?” she said, and then, she was gone.

The room was too silent without her, but Yaz didn't much feel like socialising, so she turned on the TV for some background noise. She couldn't face looking at her phone yet, apprehensive in case Kate had messaged her.  _Or hadn't_. She tried to focus on a terrible action movie, the mindless plot providing a half-decent escape. 

Yaz was so engrossed that she almost didn't hear the voice at her door. 

"Yeah?" She called out. 

"Yaz, can I come in?"

Ryan's voice took her by surprise. Of course he remembered where she lived - he used to come round all the time when they were kids. She'd told the school secretary she would be staying there for the foreseeable future.

She pulled the duvet around her knees, hiding the fact that she was still in her pyjamas. 

Ryan cautiously poked his head around the door, obviously relieved to find Yaz awake and reasonably okay. 

"Oh man. I was worried! You didn't reply to my messages," he chided, taking residence on the chair Sonya had vacated not half an hour previously. 

"Sorry, my phone died," Yaz said, realising she would have to switch it back on eventually. There was only so long she could ignore real life, especially when people kept butting in to remind her it existed outside of the four walls of her room. 

"You know who was asking after you today?" Ryan asked, folding his arms. "A certain English teacher. She was worried about you."

"Don't. Please," Yaz pleaded. "I just ended things with Kate. I don't need any more mess in my life."

"Oh, shit. I'm sorry, Yaz."

"Don't be. It's my mess."

"Still, though....are you okay?"

This was precisely the reason Yaz had avoided talking to anyone all day. She bit her lip, hard, trying to hold back the tears she had successfully fended off since Sonya had left. 

"Not really," she whispered, letting her forehead fall to her knees as she heard Ryan get up. She felt the bed dip next to her, and a comforting arm wrapped around her shoulder. It was more than she felt she deserved. 

"I fucked up."

"No way, Yaz. You made the right call."

Yaz bit out a laugh. "Why do people keep telling me that?"

Ryan shrugged. "Sometimes when you're too close to the situation, you can't see the wood for the trees. That's the saying, right?"

Yaz nodded. 

"I don't think you were happy, mate."

"This isn't much better, though." Yaz gestured to herself, disheartened. 

"But it will be. Give it time, and focus on yourself."

Yaz wiped at her eyes, absolutely exhausted. Ryan could see how tired she was and he slowly got to his feet.

"Anyway, I just wanted to check you were okay. And to tell you to check your phone."

As soon as Ryan had gone, Yaz caved. She opened her bedside drawer and turned on her phone. It took a few minutes, but finally her messages came through. There were thirteen text messages from Jo, increasingly concerned, and she had resorted to emojis that made Yaz chuckle. She certainly was creative. 

Then, a message from Kate, letting Yaz know she would be working most of the weekend and that she could collect her things then. There was no drama, no apology - just business. It felt cold, but Yaz supposed that was to be expected. It also felt deeply unpleasant, to the point where, instead of replying, she let another wave of apathy roll over her and she sank back into the pillows. Tomorrow would be another day, but tonight? Tonight she needed to forget about it all, and shut out the world for just a little longer. It hurt too much to think about.

When she dreamed that night, it was of Jo. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love comments! Thank you to everyone who has let me know their thoughts, it spurs me on 😀


	13. An incident

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. This was going to be longer but I decided to split it into two, because it might have been a bit too depressing as one chapter...  
> I struggled with this one quite a bit. I'm sure many of us have been in this kind of situation (I certainly have), so perhaps that was part of the problem - but I wanted to make it authentic and not too contrived to fit the purposes of the story. I'm not sure it's been 100% successful, but I don't think I will ever be entirely happy with this particular chapter, potentially for the reason just mentioned! I hope it is at least relatively in keeping with the characters as they've been written until now, at least. Eek.

Yaz awoke on Saturday morning and decided that enough was enough. She knew she needed time to mourn the end of her relationship, but she had woken up with a restless energy that she knew only two things would cure. And sex wasn't really an option, right now. Besides, the last time she had touched herself, she had thought about something - or rather, someone - highly inappropriate. Right now, she needed a clear mind.   
  
And so, Yaz found herself rummaging around in her wardrobe for a pair of old running shoes, mentally kicking herself for leaving her new pair at the old flat. She supposed she could pick them up before too long, or at least once Kate had gone to work. It was clear that she didn't want to speak to her just yet, and Yaz had to respect that.   
  
But it was 7am, and Kate didn't start work until one o'clock that day. Six hours to kill. A run would be a good way to burn away at least one of them.   
  
As Yaz tied her laces, she felt the familiar rush that came with the prospect of a good workout. Slight nerves, and also expectation that she would feel much better afterwards. A run never failed to make her feel like a million dollars once the endorphins kicked in.  
  
Yaz shut the door quietly behind her, wincing a little at the chill. She didn't have any winter running gear at her parents' house; only some three-quarter length leggings and a t-shirt. It would have to do; she could just run faster to keep warm. Emerging onto ground level, Yaz eyed the grey clouds warily, wondering if she would make it back before the impending rain storm. Probably not one of her best ideas, she thought, as she started to jog down the road.   
  
Yaz took it easy, letting herself build up to a gentle pace that pushed her just hard enough. It was just uncomfortable enough to provide a suitable distraction for her mind, and she let it switch off as she felt the rhythm of her feet and her breathing fill her senses. Her ankle was aching a little, but she knew it would warm up after a mile or so.   
  
Her ankle had other plans, though.   
  
"Yaz!"  
  
The voice, familiar and urgent, broke Yaz out of her reverie, and she stumbled off the kerb as she turned to look at the source of the noise. She cried out as she broke her fall with her hands, but really, her ankle had taken the brunt of it.  
  
"Yaz!" The voice was much closer, now. Too close. And worried. Yaz felt her heart start to race, and it wasn't from the run. Of all the people to be out at 7am on a Saturday, it had to be Jo. Yaz cursed the universe.  
  
"Are you alright?" Suddenly, Jo was there, crouching beside her on the ground and looking anxiously at her ankle. Yaz could smell her perfume, the one that had clung to her and triggered the argument with Kate.  
  
"I'm fine," Yaz grumbled, hissing as she lifted her foot towards her and trying to ease off her shoe as carefully as she could.  
  
"Let me, please?" said Jo, her hands instinctively reaching out to help. But Yaz couldn't bear the thought of her touch. It was all she wanted, but it felt wrong.  
  
"It's okay," Yaz muttered, untying her laces with numb fingers. She glanced briefly at Jo, realising that she had been carrying a newspaper and two coffees. _Two takeaway coffees_. Her brain seemed to stall at this observation. _They were friends_. _She could do this._  
  
"I don't want to keep you," she said, nodding towards the drinks. "Those will get cold."  
  
"Don't be daft, Yaz. It's my fault you're hurt," Jo said, trying to catch Yaz's eye.  
  
Yaz abandoned unlacing her shoe, frustrated with the knot. Jo jumped in, ignoring her protests and unlacing the knot with deft fingers. Yaz had to stop herself from staring at them.

"So. You never replied to my messages. What happened?" Jo asked, as she set to work on the stubborn laces.  
  
"Ah. I, er, I broke up with my now-ex." The words were odd to say, especially to Jo. They felt monumental; they carried heft. Jo seemed to recognise that because her concerned expression turned into one of pure sympathy. Yaz felt instantly embarrassed.  
  
"No big deal," she murmured, starting to ease her shoe off. She hissed in pain as her foot came free, jolting the injured joint.  
  
"Yaz. That is a big deal. I'm so sorry," Jo said, earnestly. Yaz shrugged.  
  
"It's ok. Or it will be. Anyway. Sorry I didn't reply." She realised she was being petulant and borderline rude with her short responses, and mentally kicked herself. Luckily, Jo didn't seem to notice.  
  
"No need to apologise, Yaz. Will you let me take a look?" Jo gestured towards Yaz's bruised ankle.  
  
Yaz was about to reply when she saw a glimpse of bruised skin on Jo's neck. Definitely a hickey. Of course she'd been with that girl from the party, who else was the coffee for? Jo might have been worried about Yaz, but not to the point that it stopped her from actually having a life, or from getting lucky. Yaz was just a friend to her, nothing more, whereas Yaz seemed to have made Jo the centre of her universe. It didn't seem fair. Yaz instantly hated herself for thinking it.  
  
"Good night last night?" she blurted, trying to lighten the mood. But it came out wrong, strained and almost accusatory. Jo knew instantly what Yaz was referring to and tugged her rainbow scarf tighter around her neck. At that point, the heavens started to open, light splats starting to hit the pavement and the exposed skin of Yaz's arms. She could barely feel them.  
  
"Yeah...I guess," Jo murmured awkwardly.  
  
_Brilliant, Yaz_. Her plan to boost her mood with a run had fallen flat, and, to top it off, she'd bumped into her crush, fallen head over feet, and made her feel uncomfortable for having an active love life.  
  
Jo focused on Yaz's ankle, reaching for it with both hands and holding it so tenderly as she inspected the damage that Yaz had to bite her lip as a wave of tension passed through her. She imagined those gentle hands touching someone else, that warm grip on someone else's skin. Someone else touching Jo, in ways that Yaz could only dream about. The green-eyed monster roared to life.  
  
"I can't do this," Yaz blurted, pulling her foot out of Jo's careful grip.  
  
"Did I hurt you?" Jo frowned, confused by Yaz's behaviour.  
  
_Not deliberately_.  
  
Yaz ignored her, stubbornly getting to her feet and testing if her ankle could bear weight. She didn't even bother trying to put her shoe back on.  
  
"Yaz, talk to me. You keep shutting me out. I thought I was your friend?"  
  
The rain had got heavier but both of them ignored it. Yaz made the mistake of looking at Jo, who wore an expression of someone who was truly confused and slightly hurt. The fact that she was getting drenched only made her look more miserable. It compounded the fact that Yaz was making things worse.  
  
She sighed, deciding to nip things in the bud so that she could move on. She was apparently in a self-destructive frame of mind.  
  
"You see, that's the problem."  
  
Jo tilted her head to one side, frowning.  
  
Once the words were out, Yaz had no choice but to keep going. She remembered her mum's advice to be brave, and although she was referring to an entirely different situation, Yaz decided to take that advice. She was tired of hiding behind her feelings. She approached it like she would rip off a plaster – quick, brutal, and effective.  
  
"I can't be friends with you right now, Jo. I can't be a good friend to you, when all I want? All I want is to be the person you're bringing coffee back to on a Saturday morning. It's partly why I'm now single,” she laughed, but the sound was humourless.

Yaz's ankle throbbed, but she barely registered the pain as she waited for the words to sink in. She knew it had been a lot to divulge, and she started to regret being so brutally honest as Jo stood there, gawping. Yaz's words had obviously taken her by surprise.  
  
"Wow, Yaz, I'm flattered-"  
  
As soon as Jo started to speak, Yaz regretted ever opening her mouth. If Jo was taken by surprise, the she'd obviously never considered the prospect of anything more serious between them. Panic seized her. She sensed a 'but' coming, and tried to fend it off.  
  
"It's okay, y'know. Just me, fucking things up as usual. You should get back, or they'll be iced coffees," she joked, her voice cracking.  
  
"Yaz, I-"  
  
"Honestly, don't worry about it. I shouldn't have said that. I'm not a good friend to you, Jo. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm the worst friend I could be." Yaz couldn't help but think of both shower incidents. How she had thought of Jo when she was with Kate. She felt sick.  
  
"Yaz, please just let me speak?"  
  
"No, I can't. Don't you get it? When you talk to me, I lose all reason. You get into my head, Jo. You've been there from the very start, and I can't shake you.”

Jo was undeterred, determined to make her point. “Just hear me out. Give me that, at least. It doesn't need to be like this. You're making things worse than they have to be.”

“But it does need to be like this, don't you see? You drive me mad, in the best possible way. I can't just pretend that things are okay when they really, really aren't. They haven't been okay since I first laid eyes on you."  
  
Yaz turned and started to walk away, trying not to hobble. Every step hurt but she didn't want to let it show.  
  
Of course, Jo followed her, like a lost puppy. Yaz fought the incredible urge to take Jo's face into her hands and kiss the life out of her, consequences be damned. But she knew it was too risky. Surely it was better to work on recovering their friendship than risk losing her altogether?  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Jo had to raise her voice over the rain to be heard. It was like the opposite of a romantic movie - shouting over the rain instead of kissing in it.  
  
Yaz stubbornly kept walking, refusing to answer. A gentle touch on her arm made her spin round, pulling away from the contact.

“Don't!” Yaz's shout startled them both. Jo rapidly drew back her hand, as if it had been burned.

“Please, don't,” Yaz continued, lowering her voice. “You're making this so hard. I just need space, and time. Then we'll be alright, okay? But I can't be your friend, Jo. Not right now.”

Her tone was desperate, pleading, but Yaz couldn't help it; to her horror, she realised she had started to cry. The rain hid the worst of the evidence, but she knew it wouldn't mask the sob that ripped from her throat when she saw Jo's expression. She looked so sad, and Yaz felt so sorry for herself, for the mess she'd just landed them both in, that she did the only thing she could. She turned and walked away, the damage done.  
  
Jo let her go. Every step that separated them felt like a step in the wrong direction. It was for the best, really, Yaz consoled herself. She had serious issues that needed resolving, and Jo deserved a better friend than she could be at that point in time. A true friend: not someone who was selfish and acted jealously, or out of spite.

So why did it feel so terrible to do the right thing? Yaz stared resolutely ahead, ignoring the temptation to turn back, embracing the rain as it soaked her to the bone.


	14. A trauma

Thankfully, there were only two weeks left until the Christmas holidays. Not that Yaz celebrated Christmas, but she certainly needed a holiday. Triggering her ankle injury meant that she couldn't partake as actively in classes, or even cycle to work; but Yaz found she had so little energy that it was almost a blessing of an excuse. She was exhausted, mentally drained.  
  
So, she bullied Sonya into giving her lifts in her car until the end of term, telling herself that in January, she would get her life back on track. She'd find her own place and move out of her parents' house. Having collected all of her things from the old flat, her parents would no doubt be happy that Yaz was no longer cluttering their space with her stuff. She had a lot of stuff, but she'd also left quite a lot of shared things with Kate, wanting a fresh start.   
  
It had been odd, going back to their flat. Familiar but also alien, lifeless without anybody in it. It had helped that Sonya was there to urge things along, otherwise Yaz would have been tempted to linger and reminisce, wallowing in self-pity. Sonya had kept things business-like, helping Yaz sort through what she needed, and what she didn't, as they sat on the sofa she and Kate had spent so many hours on together.   
  
Yaz was daydreaming about what furniture she would need to buy when Sonya nudged her out of her thoughts. They were parked outside of the school gates, but Yaz hadn't even realised.  
  
"Oi, Yaz, we're here. Are you going to get out?"  
  
"Yeah, just give me a sec."  
  
Yaz was a bit apprehensive about the upcoming weeks, wondering how on earth she would handle seeing Jo. For her part, Sonya didn't actually seem all that keen to head off, and Yaz knew she was hoping to see Jo for herself. She had told her sister all about Jo upon her return from the disastrous run at the weekend - or rather, her sister had questioned her until she caved, which hadn't been that difficult given how upset Yaz had been.   
  
"Is she here?" Sonya was peered out through Yaz's passenger window.   
  
"I don't know. I'm trying not to think about it."  
  
Sonya finally realised that Yaz was nervous and gave her a quick squeeze of the shoulder.   
  
"You can do it, I know you can. Let me know if you want picking up, yeah?"  
  
Yaz nodded, gathering her things and easing herself out of the car _. I can do this_.   
  
That first day back was a relative success. She didn't bump into Jo, her classes passed quickly, and Sonya was able to pick her up after work so she could get out of there as soon as possible. Ryan had offered to take her but Yaz knew he would ask her questions she wasn't ready to answer. Particularly since she'd stopped and hidden behind Ryan, mid-conversation, when they saw Jo crossing the hallway at a distance. She hadn't seen them, but Ryan had definitely seen Yaz panic.   
  
Truth be told, Yaz was glad for the space she had asked for and been granted. The weekend had been utterly miserable, spent sorting out her shit - literally, when she collected her things, and mentally, as she tried to focus on making herself feel better. Her mum's homemade brownies certainly helped that side of things. And her mum in general also helped, just by being there.   
  
"Did you have a good day, Yasmin?" Najia asked, as both of her daughters returned home that afternoon.   
  
"I had a great day mum, thanks for asking," Sonya murmured.   
  
Najia gave her an unimpressed look, and Yaz tried to step in, sensing an argument brewing.   
  
"Yeah, it was alright thanks."   
  
"Good," Najia smiled. "Dinner will be ready in an hour or so, I've made your favourite."  
  
Sonya rolled her eyes, muttering something about favouritism as she left the room, and Najia popped the kettle on to make them all some tea. It was times like these that gave Yaz hope. She was surrounded by love, given freely, and that was a powerful thing. She knew she had to convince herself she was worthy of it, but it was easier to do that with family.   
  
"Thanks, mum. I really appreciate it." She smiled, a habit that was getting easier. But deep down, Yaz still felt pretty terrible. When she headed to her room to shower and get changed, she looked at the calendar on the wall.   
  
_One day down_.   
  
Yaz resisted the idea to strike through the date on the calendar because it felt like she was wishing her life away. But when things got to be too much, she knew that she just had to focus on getting through each day as it came.   
  
Yaz flopped back onto the bed, shuffling up so she could elevate her ankle. It ached slightly, and she knew Kate would have told her off for not looking after herself. She hadn't heard from Kate since the previous week, when she'd told Yaz she could collect her things, and Yaz herself had not contacted Kate other than to say she was going over to pack up her stuff.   
  
The urge to message Kate came and went. It happened like this, in waves. As Yaz exited Kate's message thread on her phone, she realised with a start that Jo had messaged her. Which was odd, because the message was marked as read. When Yaz saw the time, she realised she must have read it in the night and forgotten completely. She took a breath and re-read it properly.  
  
_Yaz. I'm sorry I've hurt you. That is the last thing I would ever want to do. I want to give you all the space you need, but I miss you. I know I shouldn't say that, I'm sorry. But I'll be here, ready to talk whenever you are._  
  
Yaz felt a little flutter. She frowned at the timestamp - sent at 3:19am. Either Jo didn't sleep, or she wasn't able to. The fact that she had messaged then was intriguing, not least because Yaz would have expected Jo to be sleeping beside someone else, rather than be awake and messaging her. She shook her head, knowing that that particular line of thinking had led her here, to this mess.   
  
It had obviously been several hours since the message had arrived, but it was written in such a way that Yaz didn't actually need to respond.  _Trust Jo to be so thoughtful._  Her thumbs hovered over the screen, wanting nothing more than to reply and talk to the other woman, but she knew she would be back to square one if she did. Yaz locked her phone and ignored it for the rest of the evening, focusing on spending time with her family and regaining her energy. She had to sort her life out before they could talk. It would be her new year's resolution. 

* * *

And so, the rest of the term passed in much the same way. The holiday crept closer, giving Yaz a sense of hope that she would make it through. Fate had other plans, though.  
  
That particular morning had started much like any other. Breakfast at home, chatting with her dad before he set off for work at the crack of dawn, then a quiet coffee with the morning news as the rest of the house woke up. Yaz still wasn't sleeping well, but at least she could spend some time with her dad this way.   
  
Sonya would eventually join her, and Yaz would wordlessly hand her a mug of coffee. Her sister was not a morning person, but the fact that she was getting up each day to give her a lift to work did not go un-noticed. Yaz was still figuring out how to repay the favour.   
  
Najia would poke her head through the door to wish Yaz a good day at work, and that was normally their cue to head off. The sisters would quibble over what to listen to on the drive, but Yaz would normally let Sonya choose because it seemed only fair. The journey would pass smoothly, too quickly for Yaz's liking, and then she'd be at the school gates and starting her day, starting another countdown to the end of term.   
  
As Sonya drove off this particular frosty morning, though, the routine changed. Just as Yaz was walking through the gates, there was an almighty crash from behind her. It took a beat, but there followed the sound of several hysterical children.   
  
_Shit_.  
  
Yaz turned and walked as quickly she could to the source of the chaos, followed by several students who had been milling about the gates. She wished she could have run but her ankle wouldn't like it. Her mind was thinking the worst - had a student been injured? She tried not to panic as the shouting got louder, keeping a level head. If there was one thing that Yaz knew, she was good in a crisis.   
  
"Stay back, okay?" she said, turning towards the kids who were following her when she realised a car had hit something. She could see its dented bonnet poking out from behind a parked car. It didn't look good. A small crowd had gathered around it, mainly older students, thankfully, but Yaz knew she would need to get them out of the way. She started to pull her phone from her pocket, wondering if police or an ambulance would be more necessary. The driver was already out of the car, his hands on his head, looking distraught, but Yaz couldn't see what had happened for the crowd.  
  
Yaz suddenly realised that she didn't really want to know when she caught sight of a familiar rainbow scarf lying on the road.   
  
_Maybe Jo had been passing by and dropped it in her rush to help. That must have been it._  
  
But Yaz's heart leapt into her throat when she spotted a familiar blue bike lying at an awkward angle on the pavement, its front wheel completely crumpled.   
  
_Oh my god._  
  
Yaz picked up the pace, ignoring her ankle and running the last few metres, physically moving students aside in her desperation to get through.   
  
She practically fell to her knees when she finally saw who'd been hit.   
  
Thankfully, Jo had been wearing a helmet. But the angle her leg was in suggested it was broken - and made Yaz feel a little sick. She was unconscious, which was probably a blessing, and Yaz felt for the pulse at her neck with trembling fingers, exhaling in relief when she could feel it. There was blood everywhere. It was horrific to see Jo so quiet and still, so unlike her usual self.   
  
Yaz's mind went blank. The surrounding chatter hushed as she assessed the situation.  
  
"I've called an ambulance," the driver said, who was hovering at the edge of the scene. He hadn't helped Jo. Yaz found herself wanting to hit him, but realised he was probably in shock.   
  
"What happened?" she ground out, her hands still hovering over Jo as she tried to figure out where the blood was coming from.   
  
"She came out of nowhere, I-"  
  
"He was driving super fast, miss," a younger boy chipped in.   
  
Yaz felt her blood boil. "Can someone call the police, please? You can use my phone, it's in my right coat pocket. 999."  
  
Yaz didn't want to let go of Jo, even though she knew she wasn't really doing anything to help. But it kept her focused, grounded on the fact that Jo was still breathing and in need of help. She realised that the students surrounding her were witnesses to the accident, and hesitated to dismiss them.   
  
"Who was here when the accident happened?" she asked. "Raise your hand."  
  
Roughly ten kids raised their hands. "The rest of you, please head into school. And can you tell another teacher what's happened?"  
  
But news of the accident had already spread like wildfire and a few minutes later, Ryan was running towards them, trailed by a few other teachers who looked equally horrified. Yaz could have cried with relief. Jo was still unconscious and the ambulance had yet to arrive, but she was sure she could hear distant sirens.  
  
Wary that they were surrounded by kids, they tried to keep things professional.   
  
"Alright, Yaz?" Ryan asked, his eyes wide at the sight of blood.   
  
"Ambulance is on its way," Yaz replied, her ankle starting to burn as she crouched awkwardly. "Could you make sure the driver stays here? I want to go with her to the hospital."  
  
"Of course," Ryan said, before turning to square up to the driver. Yaz wished she could have done the same.   
  
Traffic around the school had ground to a halt and a crowd still persisted, but Yaz paid them no mind. The only thing - the only person - she could focus on was bleeding and dead to the world, underneath her hands. 


	15. An encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revision? What revision...

The police arrived within minutes of the ambulance, which meant that Ryan could help Yaz to her feet and out of the way of the paramedics.

“She'll be alright, Yaz,” he murmured, but his words fell on deaf ears. Yaz couldn't tear her eyes away from Jo, and she watched the two men work with efficiency.

“Has she woken up at all?” one of them was asking her. He was a kind-looking man, with grey hair and a southern accent.

“No,” she replied, feeling numb.

But as soon as they rolled Jo onto her back, she groaned. The movement must have jostled her leg, because she started reaching for it, feebly. Yaz blanched when she saw a flash of white bone. There was so much blood. Ryan felt her start to falter and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, helping her stay upright.

“Easy, now,” the older man said, trying to reassure Jo. “You've been in an accident. Can you tell me your name?”

But Jo didn't seem to hear him, or was too distracted by the pain. Her eyelids fluttered as she started to move.

“Her name's Jo,” Yaz said, wrapping her arms around herself to stop reaching out for the other woman.

“Jo? If you can hear me, I want you to squeeze my hand, alright?” The paramedic picked up the hand that was closest to the wound, effectively stopping her from touching it.

Jo must have heard him and responded, because suddenly the paramedic was smiling.

“Good. I'm Graham, and I wish we could have met under better circumstances but I'm here to help, okay? Can you stay still for just a bit longer?”

Graham turned and talked to his colleague, who had retrieved a splint and a neck brace. Yaz froze. She knew there was the risk of a serious injury – she'd seen many, many episodes of Grey's Anatomy, thanks to Kate – but it didn't sink in until she saw them stabilise Jo's neck, removing her helmet. That was when Yaz realised where some of the blood had come from; a huge contusion on her forehead, which was bleeding freely.

Jo was still trying to move.

“What's your name, love?” Graham looked up at Yaz. He had a twinkle in his eye that put her at ease.

“Yaz.”

“Yaz. Great name,” he smiled. “Yaz, can you talk to her? Just while we splint her leg. We need to stop her from getting agitated.”

Yaz nodded, grateful for the opportunity to actually help. She eased herself to her knees, wincing as they touched the cold ground; in her rush to get to Jo, she remembered that she had basically fallen onto them, and could imagine how bruised they would be. But the pain served as a wake-up call to the situation she found herself in; her pain was nothing compared to Jo's, right now.

“Jo?” she said, reaching out a tentative hand. She picked up one of Jo's wandering hands, holding it gently.

“Jo, it's Yaz. You're ok. I promise, you'll be ok.”

Her voice was steadier than she'd have expected, and it seemed to filter through the noise and pain because the next thing she knew, Jo had opened her eyes and was looking straight at her. The sight of her hazel eyes was such a relief that Yaz let out the breath she'd been holding.

“Yaz,” she murmured quietly. “You're here.”

“I wouldn't be anywhere else,” Yaz said, returning the smile. “I'm with you, whatever happens. But you need to stay still. Please?”

Jo tried to nod her head and grimaced when her grazed chin encountered the plastic of the neck brace.

“That counts as moving, sweetheart,” Yaz chided, before realising she'd let the endearment slip out. Jo's eyes slid shut.

“Jo? Jo! She's passed out again,” she said, turning in a panic to Graham.

“It's alright, Yaz. That happens sometimes. We'll give her some painkillers and she'll probably be out until we get to the hospital.” He eyed her carefully. Yaz realised she was shivering.

“Did you see the accident?” he asked.

Yaz shook her head.

“Still, I think you're probably in shock,” he said, reaching behind him for a blanket. His colleague had just covered Jo with one, hiding her injuries from view.

“Keep this on until we get there, alright?” he said, winking at Yaz.

Yaz watched as the paramedics transferred Jo onto a stretcher with great care; she was impressed with how quickly they'd done their work. She turned to Ryan, and he nodded.

“You really should go,” he agreed, pulling her into a brief hug. “Look after her, yeah?”

Yaz knew, then, that it was all she ever wanted to do. Regardless of how things panned out between them, she would bear that burden.

She nodded, determined. “Always.”

* * *

Graham was right – Jo didn't wake up again in the ambulance. But Yaz focused on her anyway, holding onto her hand in case she woke up in a panic, and listened to the reassuring beeps of various monitors. She could barely see Jo underneath the blanket and an oxygen mask that obscured her face, so she simply held onto her hand for dear life, careful not to squeeze too hard and irritate the grazes on her palm.

Once they arrived at A&E, Graham picked up the pace, reeling off Jo's vital statistics to the doctors that greeted them. Yaz could only try and run after them, before she lost them behind some doors. Graham shook his head at her sympathetically, and then she was alone. Through the windows, she could see doctors and nurses busying themselves around Jo, listening to her heartbeat, and cutting her trousers to expose the skin underneath and assess the break. It was too much, too intimate, and Yaz felt sick. She span around, looking for the nearest bin, and just about made it to one before she emptied her stomach of breakfast.

After a few moments of dry heaving, she stood up, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She shivered, still nauseous, and realised she'd dropped her blanket in the rush. She hobbled back towards it, reaching for it at the exact same moment that someone else did.

“Yaz?”

Yaz jerked her head up, shocked. She'd forgotten that Kate worked there.

“Kate,” she exhaled, totally unprepared. She blinked, gormlessly. The morning had been far too eventful for her liking. She pulled the blanket around her shoulders, as if she could protect herself with it.

“Not to sound rude, but what are you doing here?” Kate was looking at her in concern, her gaze drifting to Yaz's ankle as she shifted on her feet and winced.

“There was an accident, at school. A car hit Jo,” Yaz said, the words sounding violent and unfamiliar. They conjured an image that Yaz knew she would struggle to shift: Jo lying on the road, unresponsive and bloodied, alone.

Kate frowned in concern. “Is that who was just brought in?” she asked, putting two and two together.

Yaz nodded, snapping out her daydream as she felt tears sting at her eyes. Her face started to crumple and she struggled to keep it together, but managed, wobbling on her feet instead.

“Are you alright?” Kate asked, guiding Yaz to a nearby seat. Yaz slumped into it gratefully.

“You don't need to worry about me,” she said. Of all the scenarios for them to see each other, this was the last Yaz would have expected. It was odd seeing Kate at work, but it helped that the circumstances to their first post-breakup encounter were so unique.

Kate sighed.

“I do, Yaz. I always will, regardless of happened between us. I just needed some time, you know. Things ended...badly.” She grimaced. Yaz could only nod in agreement.

“Have you hurt your ankle?” Kate asked, changing topic. “Because that's something I can actually help you with.” Her compassion finally triggered the tears that Yaz had been trying so hard to keep at bay.

“Everything hurts,” Yaz said, fully embracing the oncoming storm as she completely broke down. She barely felt Kate wrap her arms around her, guiding her face to her shoulder.

“Shh, Yaz. It's alright.” They sat like that for a few moments, just two women comforting each other in an empty hospital corridor. It felt way too raw for Yaz, whose nerves were shot after the traumatic morning.

“It's not, though, Kate. I fucked things up, and now Jo is seriously hurt, and I don't know what to do.”

Kate pulled back, using her thumbs to wipe the tears from Yaz's cheeks. “Are these things related? Because I sense that they are,” she said carefully, expression neutral.

Yaz ducked her head. “I...I don't know. Maybe. This is what I meant, you know. You deserve much better.”

Kate tilted Yaz's chin up.

“Listen to me, Yaz. Whatever we had was special, and I miss you terribly, but I can't listen to you speak about yourself like this. Part of the reason I love you is because you care. So much. Too much, sometimes. You need to find what makes you happy. Who makes you happy. And as much as it kills me to say this, if I can't be the one to make you happy, then ending things was the right decision.”

Yaz swallowed, hard, as she saw tears start to brim in Kate's eyes.

“But you need to figure this out, before someone else gets hurt.” Kate's gaze drifted beyond Yaz's shoulder, to the room Jo was in. Yaz resisted the urge to turn around and look herself, knowing precisely what Kate was getting at.

“Life is too short. I see death every day, and that's not an exaggeration. So do something about it, before it's too late.”

Yaz could hear murmurs and snippets of conversation from the room down the hallway, which got louder as the door opened and shut. She had to trust that Jo was alright. _She had to be_.

Kate got to her feet abruptly, scrubbing at her face. She looked older than Yaz had ever seen her; she recalled the first time she'd seen Kate, how in awe she had been of her beauty, and her brains. She had no doubt that Kate would make someone very happy, one day. But she bit her tongue, realising that this was not the right moment to say so. She knew, in a few weeks or months, whenever things had settled down, that she would owe Kate an explanation. Or at least a thank you. But right now, things were too fresh to revisit. Yaz turned back in her chair so that she could rest her back against it, letting herself slump down into the seat as she settled in to wait.

“I'm going to get you some tea, and see how she's doing. Just sit tight.”

Yaz felt an overwhelming sense of relief that Kate was there. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders, trying not to shiver. Ten minutes passed and then Kate was back, bearing tea. Yaz recognised the mug – it was one she had bought Kate as a joke, a terrible pun about something being 'humerus' – and received it gratefully, warming her hands.

“They've set the bone, and she's awake,” Kate supplied, watching as Yaz sank back into the chair in relief. “Even with the helmet, she hit her head pretty hard. She'll be alright. But it was a nasty injury.”

Yaz nodded, remembering the bone.

“I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to take a look at your ankle while we wait.”

“You don't need to do that, Kate,” Yaz murmured, surprised and touched at the gesture.

“I wouldn't be a good doctor or a good friend if I didn't, would I?” Kate smiled softly. Yaz couldn't help but draw parallels with how maturely Kate handled this situation, compared with how badly she had handled things with Jo.

“Come on, pop it up,” Kate gestured, pulling up a chair so that Yaz could rest her ankle in her lap. Yaz didn't have much choice but to comply, watching as Kate poked and prodded at the joint. She hissed as Kate hit the most sensitive bruise.

“Hmm,” she tutted. “I'm going to wrap this, and you need to elevate it. Okay?”

As before, Yaz could only watch as Kate efficiently wrapped her ankle, her touch light and careful. It was a bit strange, the contrast with how Jo had dealt with the injury. For a start, Yaz didn't feel a jolt when Kate touched her.

A few minutes later, and her ankle was efficiently swathed in a bandage that instantly made it feel better.

“Thanks, Kate,” Yaz murmured appreciatively. It was nice to have someone here, looking after her. And it made her feel terrible that it had fallen to Kate.

“You're more than welcome, Yaz.”

“Still. Thank you.”

Kate smiled at her, genuinely. “Any time. But maybe don't make a habit of coming in here. No offence.”

She got to her feet as the doors at the end of the corridor opened. “All okay?” she asked the doctor who had emerged, and Yaz watched as Kate flipped through the chart the other doctor handed to her. She bit her lip as she watched Kate read.

“Thanks, Josie,” Kate smiled, handing the chart back and turning to Yaz. “Come on, then. She's been asking after you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moral of the story: Kate is a good egg  
> Also: yes, that was *the* Graham! He was originally going to be a teacher but I didn't have the brain power to actually write him in properly (sorry, Graham)


	16. A homecoming

Yaz tentatively pushed open the door, unsure of what she'd find. Kate followed closely behind her, a reassuring presence. Of all the things she expected to see, Yaz was pleasantly surprised: Jo was sitting up in bed, awake, a tired and soft smile gracing her features. She was as pale as the sheets she was lying on, and a bandage covered half of her forehead, but to Yaz she had never looked so beautiful. So alive.

“Yasmin Khan,” Jo smiled dopily, her words slurring together.

Yaz raised an eyebrow. “Someone's on the good stuff,” she commented, watching as Jo's eyes blinked lazily. “Is she okay?” she asked Kate.

“They had to give her some strong painkillers when they set the bone,” Kate explained. Yaz's gaze drifted to Jo's broken leg, which was hidden underneath a blanket; the outline of a cast was obvious. She could see the very tips of her toes poking out of the end.

“Drugs are wonderful,” Jo said, seriously. Yaz had to bite back a laugh as she walked over to the bed. She hesitated, itching to pick up Jo's hand and hold it.

“You can hold it, you know. I won't bite.” Jo smiled at her, her gaze wandering all over Yaz's face. “You're so pretty,” she sighed.

“And you're so high,” Yaz replied, feeling her cheeks grow warm.

“I think that's my cue,” Kate said, dryly.

Jo blinked owlishly at Kate, as if she'd only just realised she was there.

“Thanks! You all did a great job. Gold star for all of you.” Jo raised her hand and started waving like the queen. Yaz snorted.

“Alright, your highness.” Yaz finally reached for her hand, if only to stop her doing the royal wave.

 “Thanks, Kate. And thanks to all of you for looking after her,” Yaz said. Kate stared at them for a minute before excusing herself, muttering something about being a third wheel.

“What'd she say?” Jo asked, frowning.

Yaz sighed, pulling up a chair with her free hand. “That was my ex. You probably don't want to know,” she admitted as she sat down, not relinquishing her precious hold on Jo's hand. She ran her thumb over the back of it, careful to avoid the cannula that was taped in place.

“You gave me such a fright, Jo, you know that?” Yaz asked, suddenly serious. Although Jo being off her face on painkillers was a sight to behold, Yaz wished she wasn't in pain to begin with. She would have done anything to take it away.

“I missed the good bit. Did they put the lights and siren on?” Jo asked, hopefully.

Yaz shook her head, and Jo pouted. “You were out like a light. It was kind of scary, actually.” Yaz stared at their hands and admired how well they fit together. It felt comforting, to be able to hold Jo's hand like this.

Jo's eyes slid shut and she was quiet for so long that Yaz thought she'd fallen asleep.

“I remember you,” Jo mumbled, surprising Yaz.

“What do you mean?”

“Afterwards. I don't really remember what happened. But you. I remember you.” Jo cracked open an eye. “You called me sweetheart.” Her eye closed again.

Yaz felt herself blush, and watched as the corners of Jo's mouth turned upwards in a ghost of a smile.

“S'nice.”

When it became apparent a few seconds later that Jo had actually fallen asleep, Yaz exhaled shakily. _Of all the things for Jo to remember, it had to be that_. She refused to let go of Jo's hand, using her left one to awkwardly dig around in her pocket for her phone.

Ryan had texted to tell her they would substitute her classes for the next day at least, and that the headteacher had told her to stay with Jo until she was discharged. Everyone at school was asking after Jo, it seemed, and she scrolled through several Whatsapp messages from concerned colleagues. Yaz awkwardly texted Ryan back with her left hand, knowing it was silly to hold on but reluctant to let go of Jo just yet.

He replied instantly.

_I have Jo's bike, btw. I've put it in the office._

Yaz remembered the crumpled front wheel, wondering if it was fixable. So long as the frame was intact, it might have been feasible; she knew how much Jo loved that bike, and although she wouldn't be riding it any time soon, Yaz realised it might be a nice surprise to fix it up for her. If she ever wanted to ride a bike again, of course.

Yaz pocketed her phone and let her gaze drift back to Jo, who was frowning in her sleep. She watched the steady rise and fall of her chest beneath the sheet, and caught sight of a streak of dried blood that had been missed when they'd cleaned up her face. Finally letting go of Jo's hand, Yaz headed over to the sink, wetting a paper towel and using it to gently wipe away the remaining blood. The sight of it, pink on the white paper, made her feel queasy.

Depositing the towel in the bin, she heard a gentle tap on the window and looked up to find Kate watching her. As soon as they made eye contact, Kate beckoned her outside. Yaz shut the door carefully behind her.

“The MRI came back fine,” Kate said. “But she'll need someone to stay with her for the next day or so, just to make sure the symptoms don't get worse.”

Yaz knew she should offer to call Jo's so-called friend. Her stomach sank.

“Ah, yeah. Good point. When can she go?”

“Whenever she wakes up, the attending can discharge her and give her a week's worth of painkillers. Do you want me to let you know what to look out for?”

“I don't think I'll be the one staying with her, but I can let them know,” Yaz conceded. She listened carefully as Kate reeled off several red flags, how often Jo should take painkillers, and when she should come back to the hospital. Yaz made a careful mental note of all of it.

“But if you get stuck, just text. I mean it, Yaz. You can ask me,” Kate said, giving Yaz's upper arm a comforting squeeze. “You look exhausted, by the way. Please tell me you're not going back to work?”

Yaz shook her head. “I think they're covering my classes for the next couple of days. To be honest, I think they'll cover me until next term, we're only a few days out.”

Kate nodded. “Are you doing the usual Khan Christmas this year?” she smiled. “I always loved your mum's mince pies.”

Yaz grinned. “I'll see if I can bring you some. You'll probably be working, right?”

Kate nodded. “No rest for the wicked.”

Yaz shuffled on her feet, suddenly awkward. “Well...I guess I'll see you around?”

“Sure, Yaz. Have a good one.”

Their first Christmas apart. It could have been more awkward, really. _That wasn't so bad._

When Yaz re-entered the room, she was shocked to find Jo trying to get out of bed.

“Whoah! Where do you think you're going?”

Jo looked like a rabbit in the headlights.

“Nowhere. Just wanted to stretch my legs.”

Yaz rolled her eyes as she walked over, gently pushing Jo back onto the bed. She went down without a fight.

“Well, the good news is that you can get out of here. But the bad news is, it'll probably be in a wheelchair. Do you want to go home?”

Jo nodded, regretting the motion when it jostled her neck. The painkillers were obviously wearing off because she looked pale, drawn, and nauseous.

“Yeah, that might be nice. Feeling a bit tired all of a sudden.”

“That'll happen when you get hit by a car,” Yaz said. “We'll get you some nice strong painkillers and then you can sleep for as long as you want. I promise.”

“I'm going to hold you to that,” Jo said, grumbling as she shifted on the bed. Yaz pressed the call button and decided to address the elephant in the room while they waited for Jo to be discharged.

“So...I don't know much, but did you want me to call someone? To stay with you?”

Jo's eyes flashed as she made eye contact with Yaz.

“You're not staying?” She looked so vulnerable in that moment that Yaz wished she'd never said anything.

“Well, I- I thought you might want to call that person. The one from the party...the one you bought coffee for? If you just give me their number, I can do it.”

She flushed slightly as she remembered their last interaction.

Jo tried to shake her head and hissed. “When will I learn that moving hurts,” she complained. “I don't think now is a good time to have this particular conversation, to be honest. But no, there's nobody I want you to call.”

Yaz tried to ignore the way her heart leapt. She was saved from having to reply by the arrival of the attending doctor, who ran a battery of neurological tests and finally pronounced Jo ready to leave.

“I hope you're ready for this, Yaz. I don't deal very well with bed rest.”

* * *

Getting Jo up to her flat proved trickier than Yaz had anticipated, and involved much more physical contact than she expected. She ended up wrapping Jo's arm around her shoulder, helping bear her weight with an arm around her waist as they slowly made their way up the stairs. The crutches did not help. Thankfully, Yaz was pretty fit and strong, and could more than manage.

“Never again,” Jo huffed as she lowered herself onto the sofa. Yaz glanced around, remembering the last time she'd visited Jo's flat. It was just as charming and cosy as the first time she'd been there.

“Don't move. I'm going to get some cushions to prop your leg on. Here,” Yaz said, handing Jo the TV remote. “Find something terrible to watch.”

Yaz busied herself with making Jo comfortable, carefully bringing her broken leg up to rest on the coffee table and leaving water within arm's reach. She ignored the little flutter in her stomach when she felt Jo's eyes on her. She was smoothing a blanket over Jo's lap for the third time when a warm hand reached out for her own.

Slowly, Yaz raised her eyes to find Jo openly staring at her.

“Yaz.”

“Yes?”

“I'm really glad you're here, you know.” Jo looked so deadly serious that it took Yaz's breath away. Painkillers had made her fairly blunt. It was refreshing, but unnerving.

“Any time. That's what friends are for.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I mean...never mind. My head hurts. Come and sit with me for a bit?”

Yaz tried to calm her racing heart, wondering what on earth Jo had been about to say. She sat next to Jo on the couch, letting their thighs touch, forcing herself to breathe when Jo spread the blanket out over her lap as well. The sudden warmth generated between their bodies was intoxicating. Yaz sank back onto the cushions, suddenly exhausted; the adrenaline had run dry now that they were home and safe.

True to Yaz's request, Jo had chosen a truly terrible Christmas movie, but that didn't really matter – she was asleep within minutes. Yaz held her breath as she felt Jo start to nod her head, gradually drifting into her shoulder. The moment her forehead made contact, Yaz forced herself to stay as still as she could manage. She glanced down, as if unable to believe Jo had fallen asleep on her. Slowly, she let herself relax, enjoying the comfort it provided and glad she could return that comfort to the woman beside her. The remote was just within reach, and Yaz tried to time it so that she could snag it and change channels without waking Jo up. She promised herself she'd try in a few minutes.

 _Talk about screwed_. Yaz realised that she was in over her head, far deeper than she'd acknowledged before. She could feel Jo's gentle breaths on her neck; every now and again she made a sleepy sound that Yaz wished she could record for posterity. She forced herself to watch the screen but in reality, she would have much preferred to watch Jo sleep. Which was a bit creepy, when she thought about it. She'd never wanted to do that with Kate.

Jo snored lightly, her hand twitching and coming to rest on Yaz's stomach as she turned into her side. Yaz inhaled so quickly that she nearly choked.

There was no way she could move now. Yaz accepted her fate, settling in to watch the world's worst acting and thinnest plot, and finding that she didn't want to change a thing.


	17. A conversation

“Ow! Damnit.”

Yaz jolted awake, completely disoriented. She was covered in the blanket they'd been sitting under, which smelled of Jo, and she inhaled deeply. It gradually became apparent that Jo was no longer sleeping on her shoulder. Yaz briefly mourned the loss, before realising Jo wasn't in sight. At all.

“Jo?” she called, confused at what had woken her.  

No response. But there was the sound of muffled rummaging coming from down the hall, and Yaz threw the blanket to one side as she got to her feet. The fact that Jo had managed to get up and move without waking her was fairly impressive. 

“Jo?” she repeated, remembering the first time she'd struggled to find Jo in this flat. It wasn't like it was even that big of a space, and yet it seemed somehow bigger on the inside. 

“In here,” came Jo's voice, slightly strained. Yaz realised she'd reached the bathroom, having walked past the bedroom and what looked to be a study. She braced herself for what she was about to find.

“Can I come in?” she asked, hand hovering on the doorknob. Even if Jo said no, she would probably have had to open it anyway, she realised. Thankfully, Jo said yes. 

“Oh my god,” Yaz gasped, cringing at the gash on Jo's forehead. The stitches were vivid against her skin, the bruising and blood a vivid contrast. Jo had apparently been changing the dressing while trying to balance on her one good leg. The crutches lay abandoned on the floor.

“It started bleeding,” Jo groused, scrunching up her nose as she tried to remove the tangle of medical tape from her fingers. Boxes of gauze were open and spilling onto the floor, and Yaz could see the old blood-soaked dressing in the sink.

“You shouldn't be up and about,” Yaz chided, gathering the supplies. 

“Yes, Nurse Khan.” Jo couldn't help but give her a smile, despite the pain she was clearly in. 

“I'm going to pretend you didn't say that,” Yaz replied, trying to bite back her own smile. She closed the toilet lid, directing Jo to sit on it. 

“Why didn't you wake me?” Yaz asked.  

She used some damp cotton wool to start cleaning the fresh blood away as gently as she could. She was hyper-sensitive to the fact that they were breathing the same air; her chin was almost touching Jo's face as she focused on the task. She could feel Jo's eyes on her, again.

“You looked like you needed the rest.”

Her answer took Yaz by surprise.

“Well, next time, just wake me. That's what I'm here for.”

Jo was quiet as Yaz carefully replaced the dressing, to the point where Yaz started to feel a subtle tension build between them. There was a definite elephant in the room, but Yaz was worried that if she broached the subject, she would be unable to stay; it seemed safer to ignore it.

Jo, however, had other plans. As with many other important conversations in recent memory, Yaz had little to no control over when these discussions were happening. It was like someone was directing her life, putting her into these intense situations without adequate warning.

“Are we okay?” she asked, looking Yaz directly in the eye. “I wasn't sure if I was going to see you again, you know. You seemed pretty upset the last time we spoke. Before all this." Jo gestured to the surrounding chaos.

Yaz bought some time by putting away the scissors and tape, washing her hands clean. She braced herself against the sink, steeling herself for the conversation that they so badly needed to have.

“Shall we move this somewhere more comfortable?” she suggested, gesturing to Jo's leg. “I think I'll make us some tea."

* * *

Jo waited quietly for Yaz to return to the sofa, turning off the television and fidgeting impatiently. Yaz willed her hands to stay steady as she added milk to the mugs, adding a few sugars to Jo's for good measure.

“Wow, Yaz. I think you're psychic. Perfect cuppa. Thank you,” Jo said, after gratefully receiving it and taking a sip. She snagged a biscuit off the plate Yaz had brought with her. 

"You must be starving," Yaz said, realising they had completely missed lunch. 

"Mmm. I feel a bit sick, to be honest. But I can always stomach custard creams."

"How about some toast?" Yaz offered, getting to her feet before Jo could protest. She wanted to make sure she at least ate before taking any more heavy duty painkillers. Kate had warned her about that. 

She popped two slices into the toaster and re-joined Jo on the sofa, settling herself at a reasonable distance and refusing to let herself be distracted by the warmth of Jo's body. The flat was quiet, the only sound being that of raindrops hitting the large window at the end of the room. It was cosy, and felt safe. Yaz knew she could be honest, here, now, with Jo.  _Crunch time_.

“I owe you an apology,” she started. “When we first met, I was seeing somebody. Kate, you remember the doctor at the hospital?”

Jo frowned. When realisation gradually dawned, Yaz couldn't help but think that a lightbulb had turned on above Jo's head. Her expression changed completely.

“Yes! I remember. Gosh, that took me a minute. I don't remember what I said to her, though,” she frowned again.

“Less speaking, more...waving,” Yaz supplied.

Jo groaned. “Those drugs were far too good. Anyway, Kate is your ex? The one you told me about?”

Yaz nodded. “We were together for a couple of years. Good years. We lived together, we even went to Paris in the summer. My dad thought she was going to propose.” 

Jo's expression softened and she looked into her mug. Yaz continued. 

“But things weren't right. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, y'know? Something just didn't feel the same. I didn't like the idea of her proposing, for a start. And then she did, and I dealt with it badly. So badly.” 

Jo raised an eyebrow, waiting for Yaz to continue. She was unnaturally quiet, but Yaz took courage from the fact that she was letting her speak. She wondered what Jo would say when it was her turn.  

The toaster finished, startling them both. Yaz jumped up, gathering her wits about her as she buttered the slices. 

“All of this happened a few weeks ago. And at the same time, I met you.”  

Jo smiled as she took the plate, and Yaz wandered back to the kitchen, needing some space for what she was about to say.  

“I...I realised that I wasn't in love with Kate, anymore.” 

Jo inhaled sharply. 

“Don't worry, I'm not going there,” Yaz smiled, realising what Jo was thinking. There was no way she could be that honest - not just yet, anyway. 

“So, I ended things. But the night that happened, you and I – we went to get ice cream, do you remember? And we saw a movie. You were too scared to watch it.” 

Jo nodded, before scoffing when she realised what Yaz had said. “Was not.” 

Yaz tutted, finishing preparing her own snack before re-joining Jo on the sofa. She'd inhaled her food by that point, so Yaz took a moment to catch up, chewing on her toast as she pondered how best to say what she needed to say.  

“Do you know what that night felt like?" she finally said, the question rhetorical. "It felt like a date. But then...I saw you that weekend. And you'd been with someone else.” 

Jo pulled a face at the memory, as did Yaz. It was not a nice thing to think about. Remembering how hurt she'd been, Yaz decided to be blunt. 

“It killed me. It physically hurt to think about it.” She blinked away the tears that threatened to fall. 

“Yaz...” 

“Anyway, I ended that relationship because I wasn't happy. And I realised that I was just a friend to you, nothing more. So I had to cut my ties with you, too. All in the space of two days. It was horrible." 

Jo waited for a beat to make sure Yaz had finished speaking. “Can I?” 

Yaz nodded. 

“I tried to say this earlier, but my brain wasn't co-operating. You're not just a friend, Yaz.” The statement was bold, unexpected, and stopped Yaz in her tracks.  _What?_

"You being here...it's above and beyond what a friend would do. But here's the thing,” Jo continued, taking a deep breath. 

Yaz felt like she was on an emotional rollercoaster. Her heart had leapt and then sank within the space of mere seconds, mirrored by the nerves in her stomach. Her appetite completely abandoned her and Yaz put her food to one side. 

“You mean a lot to me. I hope you know that. You, Yasmin Khan, are an awesome human. You really are. Right now, you're proving it. But me – well, I don't think you know me all that well, really. I don't think you'd want to stick around if you did.”

Yaz shook her head, refusing to believe it. Jo was the best person she had ever met, period. It distressed her to think otherwise.

“Hear me out,” Jo pleaded, as if reading her thoughts. “You've been keeping all of this inside you, and all this time, I had a feeling there was something between us. Actually, I was almost certain. That time after we ran together, in the shower room?” Yaz briefly closed her eyes. She hadn't been as subtle as she'd hoped. 

“I feel like I've led you on a bit. Because I couldn't help myself, Yaz. I wanted to get close to you. But I couldn't let you get too close, or as close as I think you wanted to be.” 

“Why not?” Yaz asked, her voice breaking. Jo had known this whole time. Yaz wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer, but she had to ask for her own sanity. 

Jo sighed. “I've kept people at arm's length for a long, long time. When I was travelling, before, I was with someone. We were actually engaged, believe it or not." Jo chuckled softly. "She was a character, River. I loved her more than anything. But one day, she just didn't come home. I found out later that she'd been hurt in some freak accident. And...she died, before I could say goodbye." 

A tear rolled down Jo's cheek and Yaz instantly reached for Jo's hand, bridging the gap between them. She hadn't expected that. At all. It flipped things on their head, entirely. 

“I had no idea. I'm so sorry, Jo.” The words sounded hollow to her own ears. 

There was a moment of quiet while Jo tried to collect herself. Yaz realised so many of these losses she'd experienced had been relatively recent. But to encounter Jo on a daily basis, you wouldn't have known she'd seen such tragedy; she was so energetic and so passionate that this side of her was well hidden. Yaz felt honoured to be trusted enough to see it. 

“The people I love always leave me,” Jo resumed, her voice catching. “So, at the end of the day, I'd rather be alone. It hurts far less than losing someone,” she whispered, finally looking at Yaz. 

The expression on her face broke Yaz's heart, and she found herself shaking her head again. “No, Jo. You deserve so much more than that,” she said, inching closer

“I don't,” Jo said, stubbornly, almost angry. “I treat people like they're passing objects. A quick fling, and that's as close as I let them get. I couldn't do that to you. I would never allow it.”

“Then don't.” 

Jo laughed in surprise, swiping at her tears. “I'm sorry?” 

“Don't treat me like I'm some temporary fixture. Because I'm not going anywhere, Jo.” Yaz's stubborn streak came to light and she embraced it fully, closing the distance between them. She raised her hand, tracing the tear tracks on Jo's pale cheeks with her thumb. 

"You can't open up to me like that and expect me to run. I'm not that kind of person. Is that what you wanted?"

Jo shook her head. "No," she murmured, her eyes drifting briefly to Yaz's lips. 

"Then why are you pushing me away? You know how I feel. What are you so afraid of?"

"Honestly? I'm afraid that there's no going back from this."

"Does there need to be?" Yaz couldn't tear her eyes away. "All or nothing, Jo. I'm willing to risk it." She held her breath, almost unable to bear the tension. 

There was a beat while Jo considered the prospect. Yaz anxiously watched the cogs turning.

"All or nothing," Jo agreed, surging forward and bridging the final space between them, capturing Yaz's lips with her own. 

The sudden and entirely welcome touch of Jo's lips sent a shiver straight through Yaz and she reflexively balled her hands into fists to avoid grabbing onto her for dear life. She had never, ever, felt anything like it. She moaned as she felt Jo tilt her head and bring a hand up to rest at the nape of her neck, deepening the kiss. Yaz felt like she could barely breathe but, at the same time, that she might die if Jo stopped kissing her.

The touch of her palm on her skin made Yaz desperate to touch Jo and she let her hands roam free, sliding one into Jo's blonde hair. But she'd completely forgotten about Jo's injuries, so absorbed was she in the kissing, that she only remembered when Jo suddenly jerked away, hissing.  

"Argh. Sorry, Yaz," she muttered, glaring at her leg. Yaz saw that her pupils were completely blown, and surmised hers looked much the same. 

"No need to apologise," Yaz murmured, raising a hand to her lips as if to check they were still there. "Holy shit." 

Jo laughed, and continued to laugh, the sound echoing around the room. "Holy shit, indeed. I can't believe I nearly didn't do that." 

"Well I for one am very glad you did," Yaz said, allowing herself a smile. She couldn't believe what had just happened. 

Jo slumped back into the cushions. "Holy shit," she whispered. She groaned, tilting her head back as reality sank in. "Ouch." 

"Are you alright?" 

"Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you think we could move this to the bedroom? I think the bruises on my bruises have started to make themselves known."

"Yeah," Yaz breathed. "Let's get you to bed."


	18. A shower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically, fluff. I'm too hungover to write anything sensible :') this chapter is especially for ghost_tits, enjoy :)

Kissing Jo was one thing, but sharing her bed was another.

Kissing Jo _in_ her bed was something else entirely.

“Wait, wait,” Yaz panted, pulling back.

“What's wrong?” Jo asked, her face flushed. Her blonde hair was fanned out across the pillow, and Yaz gazed down at her as she propped herself up on her hands.

“Nothing,” Yaz murmured, unable to tear her eyes away. “I could do this all day, but you're driving me mad.”

“Oh?” Jo asked, her eyebrow raised. Yaz could tell she knew exactly what she was hinting at.

“You must know what you do to me,” Yaz said, frustrated beyond belief. She dipped her head again, kissing Jo as if to prove her point, and delighted in the reaction she provoked. Jo's hands ran over her back, one of them finally slipping under Yaz's T-shirt and prompting a gasp as she touched bare skin.

“Not fair,” Yaz groaned, pulling away again.

“I can't help myself,” Jo admitted, her eyes wide as Yaz hovered over her. “I've wanted to do that for so long.”

“Well, you'll just have to wait a bit longer,” Yaz sighed, realising that Jo's broken leg was going to impede things.

Jo groaned. “I wish we could just jump forward to five week's time. Time travel would be a fantastic thing, wouldn't it?”

Yaz bit her lip, empathising with Jo's frustration.

“Hey, it's okay. There's no rush. And just think how good it will be after we've waited that long.”

Jo smiled at the sentiment. “I'm pretty sure it'll be brilliant either way, Yaz.”

“And I'm pretty sure everything you do is brilliant,” Yaz grinned. She reached down to tuck some of Jo's hair behind an ear, flopping down to her side and letting her palm come to rest on Jo's chest.

“You should get some rest, though. You'll need your energy,” she continued, taking comfort in the feel of Jo's breathing.

“Hmm. It's a good thing I don't need much sleep,” Jo said, her drooping eyes betraying her. Yaz laughed lightly, turning so that she was curled into Jo's side. She sighed contentedly as she felt Jo's hand come to rest on her back, keeping her close.

For the first time in a long, long time, Yaz felt at ease.

* * *

Despite Jo's arguments to the contrary, she really did need to rest. When Yaz woke up the next morning Jo was still passed out, although Yaz knew she hadn't slept well due to the pain of her injuries. As much as she wanted to stay, Yaz had plans, so she slipped out as quietly as she could and threw on her clothes, leaving a note on the fridge and snagging Jo's keys before leaving the flat.

On her way to the school, Yaz called her mum to let her know what had happened. She'd only briefly kept her in the loop to ensure she didn't panic when she didn't return home.

“Are you two seeing each other?”

Najia was always straight to the point.

“I dunno, mum. Maybe? We're still figuring things out.”

Yaz swore she could have heard her mum smiling down the phone.

“You sound happy, love. Despite what's happened.”

“Yeah. You know, I think I am. Really, really happy,” Yaz grinned, feeling like a teenager. “But that leads me onto what I wanted to talk to you about. I know we have our non-Christmas Christmas plans, but I was thinking I'd stay with Jo. She can't move around all that well, and she has no family. I don't think she should be alone right now.”

“No family? That must be tough,” Najia said, and Yaz had a sixth sense for what she was about to say.

“Why don't I bring you some food? I'm going to make my mince pies soon. I won't get in your hair, I can just pop over.”

Yaz knew that her mum would have brought food regardless of the situation – she was a generous and caring woman, after all, and food was her way of providing comfort - but she also knew that she was intrigued to meet Jo. Discussing this over the phone put Yaz on the spot.

“Let me just check with Jo, but I'm sure she'd appreciate it. Thanks, mum.” As she hung up, Yaz couldn't help but wonder what her mum would make of Jo. She tamped down the flutter of nerves, focusing on the task at hand. By this point, she'd reached the school gates, which were shut for the weekend. Luckily, the gym had a side entrance that Yaz had a key to and she made her way inside, spotting Jo's bike instantly in the office.

The sight of it gave Yaz pause. She couldn't help but imagine Jo riding it, as she usually did, before being hit by a car with such force that it had ruined the front wheel. Yaz let her hand come to rest on the blue metal, feeling a connection to Jo just by touching the bike. Thankfully the rest of the bike was relatively intact, and Yaz knew she could fix it. It would be her project for the new year; after all, Jo wasn't going to be riding it in a hurry, and there was no way she could get it out of the school without a car – cycling it was clearly not an option. She took several pictures with her phone, sending them to a friend who worked at a local bike shop and who would know exactly what parts she needed.

Her first task achieved, Yaz headed back out the door and to the shops, knowing that she'd be cooking for Jo over the next few days. She had no idea what Jo liked to eat, but she didn't let that throw her like it normally would have; she knew that she had a duty of care and that cemented her resolve to look after Jo as well as she could. When she walked past a cafe and spotted some Portuguese pastries on her way back to Jo's flat, she decided to treat them both. Finally, she realised, she was doing what she had wanted to do this whole time – but what she was doing felt so domestic that it surprised her how much she wanted to do it with Jo. She hadn't quite felt this way about Kate.

When she returned an hour later, Jo had just woken up and was still dozing.

“There you are,” she murmured, frowning at the bag in Yaz's hand. “What have you got there?”

When Yaz pulled out the pastries, her eyes grew wide.

“Oh Yaz, you superstar,” Jo grinned, starting to prop herself up. Yaz deposited breakfast on the bedside table, helping Jo sit up.

“How did you know this is my favourite breakfast?” Jo said, wincing a little as she settled back into the pillows.

“I'm a mind reader, apparently,” Yaz smiled, unable to resist dropping a swift kiss on Jo's forehead. The contact was nice, and she lingered for a moment.

“Thanks, Yaz,” Jo murmured. “I really mean it. I've been thinking and I do have one more favour to ask, if you don't think it would be too much. Do you think you could help me shower? I don't know how I'll be able to do it on my own, but I really fancy one.”

Yaz's brain short-circuited at the idea. “Er, yeah, of course,” she breathed. _Jo in the shower. With me_.

* * *

Yaz checked the seal on the plastic for the umpteenth time, her fingers running along the edge to make sure the cast was completely covered. She looked up at Jo, who was seated on the edge of the bed, watching Yaz work.

“So,” Yaz breathed, unsure how to proceed. “How's this going to work?”

“Well, normally, I tend to get undressed, then I turn on the tap-”

“Yeah, yeah, smart arse,” Yaz laughed, feeling her nerves dissipate slightly. She knew she was going to have to undress in front of Jo and she wanted more than anything to help her. But Yaz was not hugely confident about her own body.

“You know, you don't have to do this, Yaz. It's okay,” Jo smiled softly, sensing her apprehension.

Yaz shook her head. Having been with Kate for so long, the prospect of showing her body to someone new was slightly nerve-wracking. But Jo helped things along by peeling off her own T-shirt, exposing the bruised skin of her shoulders and arms. Yaz bit her lip at the movement of the muscles of her back; she wanted nothing more than to feel those muscles under her hands. Realising that the shower would give her the perfect opportunity to do so, she caught hold of the bottom of her own top, throwing caution to the wind and pulling it over her head in one smooth motion. Jo's jaw dropped when she saw the skin that was revealed.

“Yaz...wow. You're stunning.”

Yaz felt herself blushing, the heat of her face suffusing up to the very tips of her ears.

“Not really,” she murmured, trying to resist the urge to cross her arms across her chest. Keeping the momentum, she instead undid the clasp of her bra, finally baring herself to Jo in one swift move.

“Oh my god,” Jo murmured, her eyes roving freely. “Yaz, you're beautiful. So beautiful.”

Yaz ducked her head, the nerves in her belly turning into something else entirely. Normally, she would have trouble believing someone who told her that. But Jo...everything Jo said was said so honestly, so earnestly, that Yaz had to take it at face value and let herself accept the compliment. It was a nice feeling.

“Five weeks,” Jo groaned. “Jesus christ.”

Yaz laughed aloud at that, especially when she saw Jo's hands clutching the duvet in fistfuls.

“Come on, walking wounded. You wanted to shower. So let's shower.”

Yaz helped Jo stand and removed her pyjama shorts, sliding down her underwear without looking; instead, she maintained eye contact with the other woman, which in retrospect was an error. It made the moment feel even more intimate. Yaz kicked off her own jeans and underwear, before helping Jo to the bathroom.

As soon as Jo stood under the warm water, she emitted a sound that was positively sinful.

“I'd say this is better than sex, but we both know that'd be a lie,” Jo said, tilting her head back and letting her hair get wet. Yaz gulped as she stared at the line of her neck, following the water as it ran down between Jo's breasts and over the muscles of her stomach, down to the point where her legs met. She felt a rush of desire pass through her as she finally let herself take Jo in, completely forgetting about her own state of undress.

“Get under here,” Jo murmured, holding out a wet hand for Yaz to join her. And really, it would have been rude to decline. Yaz clasped hold, stepping into the shower and bracing herself against the wall as she fit herself into the available space. It was a slightly tight squeeze, given Jo's leg, but that merely meant they stood skin to skin. Yaz gasped at the feel of wet, warm skin against her own.

“Are you sure this was a good idea?” Yaz asked, licking her lips.

“Not at all,” Jo admitted, letting her hands come to rest on Yaz's waist as she leaned in for a kiss. Yaz had lost count of how much they'd kissed in the past 24 hours, but she wasn't complaining. Not when they were surrounded by the soothing sound and feel of warm water. It was like living in a bubble.

Yaz let her hands roam, working some shower gel into a lather and running them over Jo's bruised skin. She tried to be gentle, but she knew the touch was working them both up to an uncomfortable degree.

“Yaz,” Jo whined.

“This was all your fault,” Yaz replied, not feeling remotely guilty. “I can't help it if you're this bloody hot.”

“Maybe we'll need to get creative,” Jo murmured, directly into Yaz's ear.

Yaz felt a shudder pass through her at the thought. “Maybe.”

When she felt Jo's hands caress the bare skin of her stomach, she revised her response.

“Okay, definitely.”


	19. A first time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I think you guys can guess what's coming from a) the chapter title and b) the rating change...!

By the time they made it out of the shower, Yaz was wet in more ways than one. She knew that what was about to happen was something she had dreamed about for weeks, but she didn't want to rush things; no, she wanted their first time to be engrained in her memory, because she had a feeling it would be a truly special occasion in her life. Yaz belatedly realised this particular line of thinking was also adding a lot of pressure.

She took her time drying Jo off, ensuring that her cast wasn't exposed to water. As she patted Jo's legs dry, she noticed that she was having trouble sitting still.

"You alright?" she asked, concerned that Jo was in pain.

"Yeah," Jo breathed, nodding jerkily. "Just hard to sit still with you all naked like that."

Yaz briefly glanced down at her body, and quickly ran the towel over her damp skin before wrapping herself in it. Jo looked saddened at this turn of events.

"Did you change your mind?"

"No, but I don't want to rush this," Yaz said, wrapping Jo in another towel and helping her back to the bedroom. By the time Jo eased herself onto the bed, she was slightly breathless with exertion.

"I swear it's getting harder rather than easier," she grumbled, glaring at the cast.

"It'll take some getting used to," Yaz agreed. "But it doesn't need to stop things from going further...if you don't want it to?"

"I want nothing more than to feel you, Yaz. Come here," Jo said, reaching for Yaz's hand and tugging her onto the bed. They looked at each other for a beat, trying to gauge what the other was thinking.

"Would you mind if we just laid here, for a minute?" Yaz asked, heart racing. She was sure Jo could see it trying to escape from her ribcage, and was reassured to see Jo's pulse jumping in her neck. They were both as nervous as each other.

"I'd never mind that," Jo smiled, letting Yaz push her back onto the pillows and help move her leg into a more comfortable position with some spare pillows. She bit her lip when Yaz dropped her own towel, smiling shyly as she climbed back onto the bed and lay next to Jo. Yaz was clearly still slightly uncomfortable with her body, and Jo tried to put her at ease by letting her hands trail gently over the exposed skin.

Yaz sighed into Jo's side, her hand resting on top of the towel as she enjoyed the feeling of Jo touching her so carefully.

"This is nice," she murmured after a few minutes, looking up to Jo's face. Her expression was so open, and so full of desire, that it stirred something inside Yaz. She sat up, gathering her wits about her.

"Can I take this off?" Yaz asked, gesturing to the towel that was still wrapped around Jo. Jo nodded, biting her lip as Yaz untucked the towel and let it fall to either side of her torso, baring her breasts. They rose rapidly with her breaths, which she struggled to control as Yaz took her in.

"God, Jo. You are perfect."

Yaz couldn't get enough of the skin she had exposed; the soft mounds of Jo's breasts, her nipples, the toned muscle of her stomach. She didn't let her eyes wander any further, content simply to focus on Jo's upper body and memorise every inch of it.

She could feel Jo watching her, as well as the tension she was holding in her body. Her arms were rigid by her sides, grasping onto the sheets.

"Hey...are you okay? I don't want to push things," Yaz said, worried that Jo was going to hurt herself.

"Oh, I'm fine." Jo's voice was higher pitched than usual.

"You seem a bit tense," Yaz observed.

"I wonder why," Jo huffed. "It's pretty hard to keep my hands to myself right now," she admitted.

"Oh, well by all means, feel free to put them to use," Yaz replied. She sighed as she felt warm, certain hands instantly run up her arms, one hand tangling in her hair and bringing her mouth down towards Jo's. Yaz was powerless to resist, groaning as she felt Jo's tongue brush against her own. She just about managed to prop herself up, but kissing Jo had a tendency to make her weak in the knees. She was very glad they were horizontal.

Yaz felt Jo encouraging her to move with her other hand, which nudged Yaz's hip so that she ended up straddling Jo's thigh. As soon as they made contact, Jo gasped in delight.

"I'm guessing that's not from the shower," she murmured, interrupting their kiss.

"All you," Yaz smirked, her confidence blossoming.

"Well..." Jo drawled. She reached for Yaz's hand, tangling their fingers together briefly, before leading them between her legs. Yaz revelled in her first touch of Jo, who was slick and warm beneath her fingers.

"You do much the same to me, you know," Jo muttered, her eyes sliding shut as Yaz let her fingers drift upwards, her touch light. It was even better than Yaz had imagined.

"God," Yaz moaned, "you feel so good."

Jo let her own hand move up to cup Yaz's breast, the gentle touch prompting Yaz to arch her back for more. But as soon as she started to oblige, trying to push herself upright, Jo winced.

"I saw that," Yaz said, urging Jo back to the mattress. "Lie back and let me take care of you."

Yaz couldn't help but kiss Jo then, stoking the fire that was burning between them. It was addictive, kissing Jo - Yaz couldn't help herself. But finally she pulled away, breathless. Jo was fidgeting underneath her, apparently trying to find some relief, and Yaz took that as her cue to start venturing elsewhere with her lips. She smiled when she trailed kisses down the column of Jo's neck and felt her moan. That smile stayed firmly in place as she drifted past Jo's collarbones and to her breasts.

"Oh," Jo groaned loudly as Yaz's mouth enveloped a nipple, sucking lightly. "Yaz, you're killing me."

Yaz responded with her tongue, circling the sensitive skin as she used her hand to caress the rest of Jo's breast. Jo's hand came to rest in her hair and the connection made Yaz even more confident. She started to get a feel for what Jo liked based on the pressure she could feel from her hand.

Underneath her, she could feel Jo's hips starting to move. Being careful not to jar Jo's leg, Yaz let her hand wander underneath as she moved her mouth to the other breast. Jo's chest was flushed and heaving underneath her and when Yaz glanced up, her eyes were screwed shut in an expression of what Yaz hoped was pleasure.

"Alright?" she asked, her hand skimming the sensitive skin of Jo's inner thigh. Jo nodded rapidly.

"Very. But I think I might implode if you don't touch me. I need to feel you, badly."

"Your wish is my command," Yaz replied, watching Jo's expression as she finally returned to the wet heat she had briefly encountered earlier. Yaz moaned as she realised that Jo was even wetter than before, and she wanted more than anything to use her mouth. But there wasn't enough space, not quite enough room for manoeuvre with Jo's leg in plaster, so Yaz did the next best thing.

"Fingers ok?"

Jo nodded, groaning loudly as Yaz finally slid a finger inside.

"God," Yaz murmured, entranced by the feel of warm muscle surrounding her. She was inside Jo, and it was better than she could ever have imagined.

"Don't get a complex," Jo gasped, her cheeks pink as she tried to control her breathing.

Yaz smirked as she started to move her finger, watching Jo for clues. She let her thumb come up to rest on her clit, which had an obvious and immediate reaction, and when she started to move her finger deeper inside, she added another, resulting in another loud groan from Jo.

"Brilliant, Yaz, that's just brilliant."

The benefit of not being able to use her mouth was that it was free while Yaz's hand did all of the work. It was unusual - normally Yaz loved oral sex - and she found herself a little unsure of what to do with herself. But when she saw Jo tilt her head back, exposing her neck, the answer became obvious.

Maintaining a steady rhythm with her hand, Yaz propped herself up on her elbow and lowered her head to Jo's neck, latching onto the skin just below her ear. It had the added benefit of placing Yaz's own ear close to Jo's mouth, meaning she could hear every breath, every gasp and moan of the magnificent woman beneath her. Their bare breasts touched as she set to work on the sensitive skin with lips and tongue.

"Yes, Yaz. That's it, that's it. Harder."

Jo's hands had come to rest on Yaz's back, reflexively tightening on every thrust and keeping Yaz close. Jo was so wet that Yaz could hear the slick noise of her thrusting, which she thought was possibly the most erotic thing she'd ever heard.

"You feel so good, Jo. So beautiful."

Jo groaned loudly as Yaz angled her fingers upwards, the heel of her hand now adding pressure to Jo's clit with every thrust.

Suddenly, Jo opened her eyes, her hand coming to rest on the nape of Yaz's neck.

"Don't stop doing that," she panted. "Never stop doing that."

Yaz shook her head. "Never."

She kept pumping her fingers, feeling the muscle around them start to tighten. Both of them knew Jo was close and they kept looking at one another, as if competing to see who would look away first. It was intense but Yaz couldn't tear her eyes away from Jo's face, or the expressions of pleasure that constantly flickered over it. Expressions that she was inducing. She felt so powerful and so honoured to be able to put them there.

"You're so beautiful," Yaz murmured, knowing she was being sappy but not caring. She needed Jo to know. She kept watching her face as she started to pump her fingers a little harder, keeping pressure on Jo's clit. "And I bet you're even more beautiful when you come.”

Jo's mouth dropped open then, but before she could speak, her back suddenly arched and her fingers dug into the taut muscles of Yaz's back as she came, silently, her eyes finally slamming shut as Yaz tried to ease her through it. She kept her fingers thrusting gently, feeling the muscle contract around them.

"Oh god," Jo finally spoke, breathing hard. "Yaz. Oh god."

Slowly, Yaz withdrew her fingers, watching Jo carefully.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worried at how uncharacteristically quiet Jo was being. She wondered if she'd overdone it.

"Very alright," Jo finally said, opening her eyes to take in Yaz's worried expression. "Very, very alright. Come here," she gestured, with open arms. Yaz carefully laid herself on top of Jo's chest, feeling her ribs expand with every rapid inhale. They were quiet a moment while she caught her breath.

"If we'd waited five weeks for that I think I'd have spontaneously combusted the moment you touched me," said Jo, still panting slightly. They both laughed at the mental image, and with happiness at the fact that they were in each other's arms. _At last_. Yaz couldn't wipe the smile from her face.

"You're so good to me, you know that?" Jo said, tucking some of Yaz's stray hair behind her ear. "So careful. Thank you."

"Always," Yaz murmured, bringing their lips together.

What started out as a gentle, comforting kiss soon turned heated. Yaz whimpered as she felt Jo's hands confidently brush the sides of her breasts, triggering a fresh rush of wetness between her legs. She gasped as she pulled away, looking down into Jo's glazed eyes.

"What are you doing to me?" she moaned.

"I don't know, but I really want to find out."

Yaz bit her lip, unsure how they could make things work.

"I like problem solving," Jo continued. "And I found a solution that might work."

Yaz waited for an explanation but none was forthcoming. "And?" she finally asked.

Jo seemed to flush even pinker, which took Yaz by surprise.

"Well, it involves you coming up here, and me using my mouth."

Jo pointed to her mouth, as if it would help clarify things.

"You want me to sit on your face?" Yaz asked, arousal making her bold. Jo nodded, cheeks flushed.

"If you want to, yeah."

Yaz didn't even bother formulating a response, instead shifting up so that she could do as Jo directed. She'd never tried this position before, and normally, would have preferred to hide herself under the sheets. But the way Jo looked at her gave her confidence, and the urgency with which she needed to feel Jo's mouth on her pushed all worries to the back of her mind. She could see Jo's eyes looking up at her with such awe that Yaz wondered what she'd ever been worried about.

The moment that Jo's mouth made contact, Yaz realised she'd have to do a much better job of holding herself upright. Her hands flew out to the headboard as Jo's tongue mapped her out, and she held on for dear life as she found her clit.

“Oh, fuck,” she groaned, realising she was not going to last long.

The image that presented itself was exactly what Yaz had fantasised about, and it sent a huge wave of arousal through her. Apparently Jo realised it, too, because she moaned and started to lick faster, her tongue expertly working over every inch of Yaz. Her hands came to rest over the backs of Yaz's thighs, holding her in place as she essentially devoured her. Yaz realised she would have little to no control over her own pleasure, and she happily ceded it to Jo, letting her expertly work her up to a peak that seemed higher than any other she'd experienced. 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Yaz started to murmur, feeling her hips start to chase the sensation. She could feel Jo hum in approval, the vibration almost sending her off.

“You're going to make me come,” she groaned, slightly embarrassed at how quickly Jo had been able to work her up, but also unable to deny herself the pleasure Jo had invoked. She was almost apprehensive about how hard she was going to fall, the anticipation building to a boiling point. Yaz looked down to see Jo hard at work, mouthing at her with such concentration that she knew the image would be burned into her mind for years to come. The first time with someone new was always intense, and memorable, but something about this felt different. She had a feeling that this might be her last first time, with anyone other than Jo.

It was the thought of that which triggered her orgasm, and Yaz yelped as she came, hard, her hands gripping the headboard until her knuckles turned white. She lost all sense of reality, letting pleasure wash over her in waves and waves that didn't seem to end. She was louder than she'd ever heard herself, too far gone to care. Jo had absolutely obliterated her. 

The woman in question slowed her movements, careful to avoid stimulating over-sensitive skin as she licked Yaz clean. Her eyes flashed up, and the brief moment of contact made Yaz shudder, nearly overwhelmed.

Finally, after she'd come down from the high and caught her breath, Yaz carefully lifted herself off with shaking limbs and moved to one side, grateful for the opportunity to let her muscles recover as she essentially collapsed onto the pillows. Jo grinned at her, and Yaz reached out to wipe some of her arousal off her chin.

“Somehow, I knew you'd be good at that,” Yaz said, eyes sparkling as she took in Jo's flushed cheeks.

“I dunno, Yaz. I think there's room for improvement. More practice necessary.”

Yaz rolled her eyes, leaning in for a kiss and humming as she tasted herself on Jo's lips.

“Any excuse, eh?” She snuggled closer, letting her arm come to rest on Jo's stomach. “Not that I'm complaining, of course.”

“You won't find any complaints from me, either,” Jo agreed. “Although I think I need another shower.”

Yaz laughed. “We'll end up in a vicious cycle, you know. I can't keep my hands off you.”

“Same,” Jo conceded. “At least now I don't have to. I'm so happy you're here.”

Yaz left a kiss on the skin of Jo's shoulder. “Talking of spending time together...I was thinking about Christmas,” she said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I don't want to leave you here alone. So I thought, maybe I could stay?”

“What about your family?” Jo frowned.

“We don't really celebrate it. They won't mind.”

“Yaz, are you sure? I don't want you to miss out.”

Yaz shook her head. “I'd miss out by not being here. With you.”

Jo's gaze softened. “Really?”

“Yeah. I kind of thought...we could create our own Christmas tradition.”

Jo was silent for a moment, and Yaz wondered if she'd pushed things too far. So much had changed in the course of the last few days that it was hard to believe it was real. But it felt like the puzzle pieces had finally slotted into place; things felt so natural, and so right, that Yaz didn't second guess herself. The fact that she was alluding to the future in such blunt terms was as much of a surprise to Yaz as it was to Jo, but for the first time in her life, Yaz wasn't scared of the future.

“That sounds amazing,” Jo said, a grin slowly spreading across her face. Yaz couldn't help but mirror it, fresh emotion bubbling to life and filling her with sheer joy. It was exhilarating.

Yaz knew then, without a doubt, that this was what she had been waiting for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now...I'm off on holiday. I have no idea if I'll even have internet (I'm pretty sure I won't have time to write :() but I'll pick this up when I'm back in a couple of weeks, if not before then! We are nearing the end, which I also don't want to rush, although in the back of my mind I thought I might be able to finish it before I left. Hopefully some smut will tide you guys over :D
> 
> Also! I am taking prompts so feel free to leave one here or on my Tumblr (maglex) 👍


	20. A fresh start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If necessity is the mother of invention, jetlag is the mother of fic writing! Here we go...the penultimate chapter 🙂 (and if you spot any errors feel free to shout, my brain is on another planet right now)

Yaz had paced around the living room so many times that she was starting to feel dizzy. Her mum was due to arrive any minute and although she knew she would like Jo, she couldn't help but want her to like Jo as much as she herself did.   
  
"Yaz, you're making me jealous." Jo shifted on the couch.   
  
"Sorry." Yaz apologised instantly, knowing that Jo was going slightly stir crazy after several days in a cast. She flopped down onto the sofa, careful not to jostle the other woman but hoping some contact would help calm her nerves.   
  
"If your mum is anything like you, I'm sure we'll get on just fine."  
  
"You're right." Yaz sighed. "Annoyingly, I reckon you always are."  
  
"Don't say that too often or my head will get even larger," Jo laughed. "I already think I'm too clever for my own good."  
  
"And charming enough to get away with it," Yaz murmured, clutching Jo's chin with her hand and kissing her softly. The contact was soothing, but Yaz was jolted back to reality by the sound of the buzzer.   
  
She jumped up, flustered, patting down her hair.   
  
"You look gorgeous, as ever." Jo winked at her and Yaz knew that she was in trouble. It was going to be hard to stand her ground around Jo, she knew that much.   
  
"And you're incorrigible. Behave, yeah?"  
  
Jo gave a mock salute as Yaz let Najia into the building, hovering by the door to the flat as she heard her footsteps get closer. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and couldn't help but smile at the sight of her mum bearing so many bags.   
  
"Did you bring every single item of clothing I owned?" Yaz laughed, trying to lighten the burden as she grabbed hold of as much baggage as she could.   
  
"Close enough," Najia admitted. "I wasn't sure when you were coming back, so..."  
  
Yaz refused to be drawn into that particular discussion, particularly in earshot of Jo. "Thanks, mum. Come in."  
  
Yaz followed Najia as she made her way inside and couldn't help but laugh at the sight of Jo's head poking up over the back of the couch, like a meerkat.   
  
"Hi, Yaz's mum!"  
  
"Call me Najia. And you must be Jo, it's nice to finally meet you," Najia smiled, depositing several boxes of food on the kitchen counter and making her way over to Jo as if drawn by a magnet. Yaz watched from afar, intrigued about how this particular interaction would go down.   
  
Najia tutted as soon as she saw Jo's leg and the size of the bandage on her forehead.   
  
"Yaz mentioned you'd been hurt, but I didn't realise it was quite this bad," Najia frowned.   
  
"It's okay, honestly. I heal quickly, and it looks much worse than it is," Jo reassured her.   
  
"What happened?" Najia asked, perching on the end of the sofa. Realising she wouldn't be needed just yet, Yaz boiled the kettle and started making tea. When she joined them, Jo was re-enacting what had happened with just her hands and Najia had fully settled into the couch, enraptured by Jo's storytelling.  
  
"And then the next thing I knew, Yaz was there."  
  
Yaz took that as her cue to join the conversation, and she perched next to Jo on the arm of the couch. She bit back a smile as she felt Jo subtly lean into her and she surreptitiously let her hand come to rest on Jo's back, out of sight of her mum.  
  
"Really? Yasmin, you didn't mention that bit," Najia said, shocked.   
  
"Yeah," Yaz exhaled. "It was pretty scary."  
  
The three women were quiet for a moment, before Jo chirped up.   
  
"But Yaz has been looking after me so well, Najia. I honestly don't know what I'd have done without her."  
  
They looked at one another and Yaz felt her cheeks grow warm. She'd almost forgotten her own mother was in the room until she cleared her throat. Jo jerked her head back as if she'd also forgotten.  
  
"You made a truly awesome human, Najia," Jo resumed.  
  
"I like to think so, too," Najia smiled, her eyes bright as she regarded them together. She watched as Yaz handed Jo some pills, making sure she took them and was comfortable as she fussed over her. Something about the gestures was so familiar, despite their relationship being so new; they reminded Najia of her marriage, and how she acted around her husband. Such easygoing, natural affection was a very good sign, at least in her eyes; it had taken her several years to get to that point, not weeks. She felt a pang as she realised that Yaz might actually be ready to move on and settle down.  
  
"Anyway, I should get out of your hair," she said, suddenly standing up and taking Yaz by surprise. She had been expecting a minor grilling from her mum.  
  
"What? You should stay for another cup of tea, at least," Jo protested.  
  
Najia shook her head. "I think you two have everything you need right here. But let me know if you need anything else, and I'll speak to you soon, alright, love?" she asked Yaz.   
  
Yaz agreed, starting to escort her mother to the door.   
  
"And I'm sure I'll see you very soon, Jo," Najia said, giving her a motherly pat on the arm as she made her way out.   
  
"That you will," Jo agreed.   
  
When Najia pulled Yaz to one side as they crossed the threshold, Yaz realised she'd been expecting it. She knew it had been odd for her mum to leave without comment.   
  
"You should have told me you'd found her on the road, Yasmin. Are you alright?"  
  
_Okay, so that wasn't what I was expecting_.   
  
"Yeah, mum, I'm fine."   
  
Najia pulled her into a swift hug. "Well, if you want to talk about it, I'm always here for you. I hope you know that."  
  
Najia was a hugger by nature, but she seemed unusually emotional. Yaz had no idea what was going on, but she nodded.  
  
"Of course. But...I'll be honest, I thought you were going to give us more of a grilling."  
  
Najia chuckled. "Why would I do that?"  
  
"You always seem to give whoever I'm seeing the third degree," Yaz shrugged. Perhaps she was over-thinking things.   
  
"Hmm. I suppose you have a point. But I'm only doing it to ensure whoever's dating my daughter is good enough!"  
  
Yaz rolled her eyes. "Mum-"  
  
"I had no need to, sweetheart," Najia cut her off. "It's clear to me that whatever is going on between you two is the real deal. I could see it as soon as I walked through that door."  
  
"Really?" Yaz frowned. She had never heard her mum be so positive about anybody. But she supposed it wasn't that surprising that she'd be so positive about Jo. It was hard not to be.  
  
"I guarantee it. And besides, your dad will be over the moon that you're dating another doctor."  
  
"Oh god," Yaz groaned. "Well, that's something I suppose."  
  
"Make sure you take good care of her, now. And we'll see you soon." Najia pulled Yaz in for another hug and Yaz let the comfort wash over her. She wondered if her mum was feeling maternal towards Jo because she had no family to speak of.   
  
"I will, I promise."  
  
After she had waved her mum off, Yaz joined Jo on the sofa once more.   
  
"She reminds me of you," Jo observed. "It's kind of nice to have a mum around, again."  
  
Yaz let her palm come to rest on Jo's cheek. "I'm not even going to pretend to know how hard this time of year is. But I hope I can at least make it a bit happier."  
  
"You make me very happy, Yaz. I can't thank you enough for being here." Jo's eyes were glassy with tears and Yaz couldn't bear how sad she looked, so she did the only thing she could do to provide comfort and left a kiss on her cheek, pulling Jo into a gentle hug.   
  
"I'm not going anywhere."  
  
Yaz felt Jo sniff a little into her neck and ran a comforting hand down her back. "Besides, my mum's made enough mince pies to feed a small army and I can't wait for you to try them. They're amazing."  
  
She felt a huff of laughter on her neck.   
  
"Well then, what are we waiting for?" Jo asked, pulling away and wiping quickly at her cheeks.   
  
"I would ask how many you want but I think the safest thing is to bring the whole box. And...." Yaz reached over to the remote and turned on the TV. "Muppet Christmas Carol?"  
  
And so they spent the afternoon wrapped up on the couch, cosy and unwilling to part from each other's company. As the afternoon light began to fade, Jo gasped in delight as she saw snowflakes drift down past the window.   
  
"I've never had a white Christmas," she commented, entranced by the swirls outside the glass.  
  
"You're joking," Yaz said in disbelief.  
  
"Really. I think it's a sign."  
  
"Of what?"  
  
"Just how special this Christmas will be. I kind of hope that it'll be the first of many."  
  
Yaz couldn't help the grin that Jo's sentiment induced, a grin so broad that it would have made her cheeks ache if she'd noticed. But Yaz was so wrapped up in what Jo had said that she couldn't think of anything else.   
  
"Me too."  
  
As the snow drifted quietly outside, Yaz found her own slice of peace in Jo's arms. 

* * *

 _December 31_  
  
"Jo?"  
  
Yaz put her keys on the table by the front door, calling out for her girlfriend. She could smell burning, and alarm bells started to ring in her mind as she turned the corner to the kitchen, only to find Jo leaning against the sink as she filled a pan with cold water. Steam hissed and rose in huge clouds as the water hit the hot metal.   
  
"Yaz! You're back early," Jo said, sounding harried. Yaz glanced around the kitchen. Every spare bit of counter space was covered, either in ingredients, equipment, or spilled food. When Jo finally turned to look at her, Yaz couldn't help but laugh at the dusting of flour that coated her cheeks.   
  
"What happened here?" she asked once the laughter had died down.   
  
"Ah, well." Jo scratched her head, making her hair even messier. "I was hoping to make you dinner, to say thank you for looking after me. Except I didn't time things too well, and then something caught on fire when I was poking about in the fridge."  
  
As if to demonstrate, Jo held the pan aloft. Yaz could see that the bottom of it was coated with something black that had possibly once been chocolate.  
  
"Babe, that's very sweet of you. But you honestly didn't have to do that," Yaz said, crossing to the sink and retrieving the pan from Jo, who was wobbling slightly on one leg.   
  
"How about we order takeaway?"  
  
"But I wanted to do something nice," Jo grumbled, obviously disappointed that her plans hadn't quite worked out.   
  
"I can think of other very pleasant ways to spend the evening," Yaz smiled, beckoning Jo to the living room. She took with her the wine she had just bought, hiding the second bag of spare bike parts on the other side of the couch. Jo didn't need to know just yet what Yaz was doing with her bike.  
  
"The first one involves you sitting down and having a nice big glass of wine," Yaz continued, fluffing up the pillows. She then retrieved a damp cloth from the kitchen and helped get the worst of the flour off Jo's face before she manoeuvred her way out of the kitchen.  
  
"Well, when you put it that way..." Jo gratefully sank onto her spot on the sofa, still wincing slightly. Yaz handed her some painkillers.   
  
"I'm pretty sure you aren't meant to mix these with alcohol but I think that's a small price to pay."  
  
Jo nodded in agreement, taking a healthy swig of wine. "Can't bloody wait to get this thing off," she grumbled.   
  
"I've been thinking, by the way. About that. When you get your cast off. Did you want to get away? Go on a long weekend somewhere? I know you're a bit stir crazy after being stuck in this flat for so long."  
  
Jo tilted her head to one side.   
  
"You know, I was thinking the same thing. But...maybe even better. Sit with me for a bit?"  
  
Yaz folded her legs underneath her as she joined Jo on the sofa, intrigued.   
  
"As you know, I was travelling a little while ago. And I came back for several reasons, one of which, I honestly think, was to meet you."  
  
Yaz opened her mouth to contribute but Jo held up a finger.   
  
"I know what you're going to say, but I also know you've been a bit unsure about what you want to do. And I like to think that you and I, we're in this for the long run."  
  
Yaz nodded.   
  
"I was going to ask you over dinner, but that didn't quite pan out," Jo said, flapping a hand in the vague direction of the kitchen. "Would you want to come away with me? See some more of the world? Leave Sheffield behind, just for a little while. I think it would be brilliant to see it all with you."  
  
Yaz felt her jaw drop. Of all the things she'd expected Jo to say, that was not it.   
  
"What?"  
  
Jo slapped a palm over her eyes and sighed.  
  
"Too much, wasn't it? Ah, me and my big mouth. Sorry, Yaz, just ignore it. We don't have to do anything as life-changing as that, my life has already changed with you in it, and-"  
  
"No. Just...give me a minute to digest it," Yaz cut in.  
  
Jo's eyebrows shot up into her hairline but she stayed silent, letting Yaz get used to the idea. She started to worry at her thumb with her teeth until Yaz finally put her out of her misery.   
  
"Yeah," Yaz exhaled, feeling adrenaline flood her veins as she realised what she'd agreed to. "You know what? Yeah. I think that would be amazing."  
  
"Yeah?" Jo seemed unsure, as if she still half expected Yaz to say no.   
  
"Definitely. Yes. Yes, yes, yes," Yaz beamed, leaning across the sofa to kiss Jo soundly. "I can't believe you just asked me that. I would love to do that with you. I can't imagine who else I would want to do that with more."  
  
Jo's smile matched Yaz's own.  
  
"I can't, either," she admitted, but her tone was tinged with sadness. Yaz remembered who Jo had been travelling with before and felt a pang of empathy. It made her bold, reckless, even.   
  
"Jo, I... I don't know how else to say this, really. You're like the best person I've ever met. I am completely in love with you and I think I have been for a long time. I've never felt so scared, or alive, as I do when I'm with you."   
  
"It's a good thing the feeling's mutual, then," Jo grinned. "Because Yasmin Khan, I very much love you, too."  
  
Yaz heard nothing but the beat of her own heart suddenly filling her ears.   
  
"Yaz? Are you okay? You've held that breath for a really long time," Jo's voice filtered through the haze.   
  
Yaz exhaled in a rush, laughing in disbelief.   
  
"Can you pinch me, or something? This feels too good to be true."  
  
"Well, I won't hurt you. But maybe this will help convince you."  
  
Jo kissed her so gently that it was like she was scared Yaz would break. But the touch of her mouth brought Yaz back to her senses and when they broke apart, she felt like she could fly. She'd never felt so elated.  
  
That kiss felt like the beginning of something truly epic. Yaz couldn't wait to get started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As ever, come find me if you want to chat on Tumblr @maglex 🙂


	21. An epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we made it. Very sad to end this one, but it might not be the last time we see these two 🙂 especially if you guys want to read more! Thank you all for sticking with me and giving me so much support, I love to read your comments and they mean the world to me. So without further ado...the end.
> 
> Come find me on twitter if you want to talk! @_mag_lex

_One year later_    
  
Yaz sighed as she dug her toes into the warm sand, eyes fixed on the horizon. She was so relaxed that she was surprised she could sit upright. In fact, she was so surprised at the situation she found herself in that she had to keep reminding herself that it was real. They had made it to Thailand, to one of the islands Yaz had always wanted to visit. It turned out that saving for a mortgage had other uses, and although Yaz was using the money for something completely different to what she'd originally planned, she found she didn't mind at all. Not if it meant she could fill her life with moments like this.   
  
"They'd run out of pineapple juice but apparently the mango version is the next best thing," Jo's voice came from behind her, just about audible over the sound of gentle waves crashing on shore. Further down the beach, some local kids were playing football, barefoot.   
  
Yaz turned to see Jo closing the final metres between them, drinks in hand. She had tanned lightly in the sun, but her nose was slightly pink where the sunscreen had washed off during an afternoon spent snorkelling.   
  
"Thank you," Yaz smiled, reaching up to collect her drink. She looked back out to the horizon, which was turning pink, as Jo joined her on the sand, their shoulders touching.   
  
"What a way to finish the year, eh? Cheers," Jo grinned, holding her cocktail aloft.   
  
Yaz felt a flutter of nerves in her stomach at the thought of another year, gone. A year since Jo had asked her to leave her life in Sheffield behind and travel the world with her. They had filled every minute with adventure and still Yaz couldn't get enough. Her life had changed, for the better, thanks to the woman sitting next to her.  
  
"Cheers," she said, taking a sip of her juice. "Wow. That is pretty good."  
  
Jo snuck a sip of Yaz's drink without a word, the easy familiarity warming Yaz's heart.   
  
"Not bad," she agreed.   
  
They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, absorbing the scenery.   
  
It might have been the close contact but Yaz felt her heart rate start to increase. She had something on her mind, something that she hadn't been able to talk to Jo about but that she wanted to, more than anything. It was just a case of finding the right time, and the right place.   
  
"You ok, Yaz?" Jo asked, sensing her mood.   
  
"More than ok," Yaz tried to reassure her. "I can't believe we're here. Or that you managed to catch the sun, despite the factor 50."  
  
"Don't rub it in," Jo grumbled.   
  
"It's cute!" Yaz replied. "You even have these little freckles, right...here," she laid a finger on Jo's cheek and found herself lost in the depths of her eyes.   
  
_Now or never_.   
  
"So," Yaz pulled away, clearing her throat. Her left hand drifted to the pocket of her shorts and patted lightly.  _Still there_.  
  
Yaz ran her other hand along the thin scar on Jo's leg, a reminder of the accident that had catalysed the series of events that had led them here, to this point in time. It felt right to do this now. Yaz took a calming breath.  
  
"A year ago, you asked me a question. And now, it's my turn to ask you something."  
  
Yaz gathered all her courage, all of the things she had learned over the past 18 months - from the trials and tribulations, the good and the bad that had led her to here and now - and put them into action.

She pulled the ring out of her pocket and got down on one knee. 


End file.
